realised that we've been talking less and less everyday.
it's not that we are distancing, it's just really time for you to study already.
as what everyone is saying, there's the bell curve,
to get to the top, you've gotta do more than just homework.
i believe you are more aware of that than i am.
it's good to see you busy over studying,
though your replies became short one word replies,
at least i know you are busy, and that i am not disturbing you. =)

right now, i think instead of talking to you every single day,
i should just write you a letter every week,
and pass it to you when i see you.
it would be a letter telling you about what happened,
and also one that i hope can motivate you,
encourage you to work harder.
i really hope, that you can work hard towards your goal,
and achieve your dreams.
because i know, that will be when you are really happy.
=)

你知不知道薰衣草的花语是什么？



薰衣草的花语是等待爱情。
还小的时候看过一部偶像剧，叫做《薰衣草》
偶像剧的主题曲，叫《花香》

花香


风没有方向的吹来
雨也跟着悲伤起来
没有人能告诉我
爱是在什么时候悄悄走开

风伴着花谢了又开
雨把眼泪落向大海
现在的我才明白
你抱着紫色的梦选择等待

记忆是阵阵花香
我们说好谁都不能忘
守着黑夜的阳光
难过却假装坚强
等待的日子里你比我勇敢

记忆是阵阵花香
一起走过永远不能忘
你的温柔是阳光
把我的未来填满
提醒我花香常在就像我的爱

风伴着花谢了又开
雨把眼泪落向大海
现在的我才明白
你抱着紫色的梦选择等待

记忆是阵阵花香
我们说好谁都不能忘
守着黑夜的阳光
难过却假装坚强
等待的日子里你比我勇敢

记忆是阵阵花香
一起走过永远不能忘
你的温柔是阳光
把我的未来填满
提醒我花香常在就像我的爱

记忆是阵阵花香
我们说好谁都不能忘
守着黑夜的阳光
难过却假装坚强
等待的日子里你比我勇敢

记忆是阵阵花香
一起走过永远不能忘
你的温柔是阳光
把我的未来填满
风吹起花的香味就像你的爱



许绍洋唱的。他唱得很不完美，但就是这种不完美，让人喜欢。
偶像剧里的故事，结果是个悲欢交错的。

今天的我，在思考着，如果等了很久，
你仍然只把我当朋友，也许我应该满足，
就当你的好朋友，放弃对你的喜欢。
我知道，也明白，如果我真的那么做，我会很后悔。
而对你的这份喜欢也将成为我毕生的遗憾，
因为我知道我一定不忍心告诉你。
告诉你会让你内疚，我不要，因为我不要你难过，或愧疚。
我想，放弃你的这个情景，比起你也会喜欢我的情景，
放弃的那个比较真实，仿佛就在不久的将来就会发生。
不完美的结局，也许也是我的结局。

你的肩膀是我豁达的天堂


我说过我不会把对你的心情写在这里，
但我食言了。
也许因为，今天到你家去，了解你更多
把你的对我的好，看得很清楚。
你那么疼我，是因为你把我当成很好很好的朋友。
对我比较细心是因为你的很好很好的朋友，通常都是男生。
对我好是因为我是女生，对吗？
今天我看得很清楚，清楚地让我有点不想承认。
而且我知道，你还忘不了她。
所以今天我会把心情写在这里，是因为我已有了打算。
对你的感觉，不，对你的喜欢，慢慢得越陷越深，
所以我不会放弃。
但是，我会等，等到年底，十二月的时候，
如果十二月我们一起看到日出，
我就会把我每天写的日记送给你，
再写一封信，告诉你我心里的感受，对你的喜欢。
虽然，九月到年底的这段时间，我也许会有点辛苦，
也许会胡思乱想一大堆有的没的，
可是我会等，到年底。
如果我们真的有缘分，当我告诉你的时候，你对我也会是同样的感觉。
如果你对我没有那种感觉，我希望我们还能依旧当好朋友，
当彼此的双胞胎姐弟。
因为我真的很珍惜很珍惜我们之间的友情。
因为你能对我敞开胸怀，告诉我很多很多关于你的事。
而我也一样能信任你，告诉你我的心事。
你的肩膀是我豁达的天堂，
我值得信任且信任我的双胞胎弟弟！

twinnie, this is how much i cherish our friendshup,
and all these, is how i feel towards you.
of course it's more than what you see here,
but the gist of it is here.
till december, you shall not know.
it's simply cox you wun read, thus i wrote it here.
because i came to my decision, a firm decision. =)

rather confirmed that it's not mutual. but i still feel the same.

hisashiburi~


it's been quite a while since i last posted a blog post.
my blog is becoming dead. haha~
been too engrossed in THE book. LOL!
i write that, every single day,
it's not no time to blog, that's not an excuse.
but then again, it's time i focus on more important matters.
once again i found my efficiency dropping.

i hope to watch sunrise with kbox family in dec! ;D
implicit meaning, as what twinnie always says.
haha~

well, there's alot to type,
but i am just being my lazy self once again.
shall update properly again.

HY songs are ♥~

JA~

7th July 2010

met twinnie to buy drill cane.
was damn late, made twinnie wait for at least 30 mins.
sorry. =X
in the end haha, had a convo with the auntie,
think next time can go there to buy stuff instead of going HQ's store. haha =)
then went to meet dear dear and ai ku gui~
had dinner and talk talk. and we laughed at the photos we developed.
then dear dear had to go home so ai ku gui went with me to mdm teng teng's house.
talked about quite a bit of stuff. haha.
and dear dear and i decided, we gotta change topic for kbox family.
cox kbox family is getting gloomy. haha~
and then i sorta decided,
never to type in peach colour font anymore.
all that goes on paper.
cox ai ku gui told me several sec 4s know who peach colour font is.
zzz. stalkersssss. hahaha~
that's about it.
and i am sleep deprieved. i have a craving for sleep right now.
hahaha~
JA~

5th july 2010.


today, OPC was cancelled.
didn't finish SMKT assignment,
in the end, alot of ppl didn't finish. LOL.
but will settle it by tonight and send it out.
went to sch, almost had to present WSS.
scare the hell outta me.
eventually just slacked.
i msned dear and twinnie in class.
both WSS and SMKT.
haha~ damn interesting, i had to practice silent laughter in class. =X

then after lessons, went to have my retest,
i think i'm gonna fail my retest as well. LOL~
anyways,
after retest, went to look for meimei they all in SP.
had dinner with them,
followed by all the wrong wrong talk.
LOL!
of cows and ice-creams~~~
KNS~~~
HAHHAHA

then came home,
faced with bad news,
it's been a long time since i've been so mad,
that i became too calm for my own liking,
and then tried damage control.
i promise i will protect both of them,
actually anyone who's in my corps.
enough is enough, history shall not repeat itself.
initially i thot you were okay as a SNCO etc.
but too bad, so sad, i was goddamn wrong.
i wouldn't hesitate to do anything extreme.
give me a reason and i would do it.

and twinnie is seriously twinnie.
we're really twins,
i didn't realise that we were so alike.
haha~
esp when both of us can't play patapon.
LOL~~~
i wanna learn how to play patapon!!!!
=/

and then, today i felt happy that i am able to maintain things like that,
it's not difficult afterall.
haha,
you have my support, no matter what happens.
just that i do hope that when you fall, let me know,
i might not be able to catch you, but i will be there to pick you up,
and hopefully, help you get over the pain from the wounds.
but obviously, i do hope that you wun ever fall.
cox seeing you fall will be too painful.
many people has been telling me that i am very stupid,
to think this way, and to do such things,
i wonder if i am.
but if i really like you, i dun mind being stupid.
and maybe, by doing this, i might be able to let you go just like how i let go of 3 years ago.
although it took time to realise i liked 3 years ago,
but i was able to let those feelings go.
but of course, to 3 years ago, it was a crush,
to you i'm not so sure,
i think it's more than a crush,
i'm not sure yet,
like i said, let now till end of 2010 be my test,
at the end of everything i'd know my results,
whether or not i passed.
people tell me there's hope,
but i wonder if there is,
maybe cox i understood you too well.
haha~
we shall see then,
what life wants to do with us.
meanwhile you have my support with what you are attempting. =)

dinner with kbox family! 4th July 2010


had dinner at pepper lunch with kbox family today!
too bad ruiting wasn't here. study hard girl girl! then we can have fun! =D

we ate at pepper lunch, find the food quite nice.. shall go there next time again~~ haha.
then meimei and rii has alot of PDA going on..
dinner was like damn high cox of rii and meimei,
HAHA!
photos and videos works better in describing what happened!
after dinner we went to play arcade for a bit..
hilarious.
especially at the dance machine..
HAHAHAH
meimei!!! cool only...
and 5 ppl playing on the dance machine was kinda epic
xD
then we went to some fitness area at the balcony of the shopping mall..
damnnnnnnn funnehhhh
all the wrong looking photos came from there..
OMG~~~
hhahahahahaha~
then we spent loads of time trying to balance everyone on some, triangle thingy?
LOL~ can't really describe that thing
but then it's seriously damn funny.
and nickky loves to spin and spin and spin and spin and spin!
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
hmmmm,
in the end, played till like, 9plus?
then we went to mac to sit,
and talk about love stories.
twinnie shared with us his...
and we shall thus aid him in his quest! xD
then went round the table talking about love stories..
it's nice to talk to one another about all these~~~
kbox family is <3~~>
then cabbed home with amanda,
and here i am...

i haven't finished SMKT assignment.
it's 20%, i'm like so dead.

hopefully i still can hand in..
=X

decemeber suddenly seems too far away,
and hearing about alot of things,
i feel confused.
and i feel like i'm doing nothing.
but then again,
as what dear dear said,
now's not the time,
i should just take tonight,
to wallow in self pity for tonight only,
then face you once again,
pretending nothing happened.
or at least let everything stay undetectable,
and i shall help you get what you want.
the saddest thing is, i find that we are getting more and more topicless..
i do hope we can talk more,
i think i need to understand you more.
and i feel that there are alot of things i dun know about.
really, i'm in a knot of wires right now,
i dunno which to cut to untie things.
i need to sort things out..

on top of that,
i haven't been disciplined enough to keep up with things,
in the end everything's a big fat mess and i haven't been doing things that i need to do.
it's time to wake up my bloody idea.

2nd July 2010
at least we feel that we've ever been there.


LCSMSS.
went to AGM today. was really surprised that they mentioned about LSCMSS.
and was touched that we actually get a video montage for the past academic year.
and was really thankful towards Sihao, Andrew, Joanne and Joanna for the gift.
everything just makes me feel like at least we've ever been there.
and it made me remember, out of a sudden,
of the post log camp period,
when we started to meet up, and plan,
plan about all the events and activities we wanted to hold for the school,
the sports league,
the pool competition,
the prawning,
the log camp,
the workshop,
the industrial visit...
all of it, that we were starting to organise,
then it came to a screeching halt, because of the possibility of merger..
then came everything piling on top of one another.
and suddenly, we just ended, just like that.
when i thought that we became more bonded,
when i thought that we could become more involved with the society,
and make it a better one.
it ended at our batch. it feels kinda sad.
but understanding alot of things after talking to sihao and andrew,
i know that we couldn't help it. because of all the reasons behind.
those reasons, made good sense of the situation.
i am not resentful, neither am i angry, or blaming,
but i find it's such a shame that everything just ended like that.
if we didn't end, there could've been more.
i would've been more tired,
with more things to do,
but then i guess i would have been more than happy to undergo all that.
but nevertheless, maybe this is fate.
but let's not end here, the bond from the log camp.
it won't be camp over bond over.
and i would like to say i'm sorry, for i have been someone useless in this society.
cox i didn't treat it as seriously as what i could've treated it.
i'm really sorry. there could've been more that i could do,
but i didn't.
and thank you for everything you've taught me.
it will be an experience, that i would never forget,
and you ppl will be the ppl i would never forget.
Jacintha, Andy, Aik Hao, Hou Jun, Eshlyn, Ferly, Si Hao, Yu Sheng, Derek, Joanna, Joanne, Andrew, Wei Jie, Yu Chuan, Jeremy.
LSCMSS.
as what sihao said,
LSCMSS will now serve it's due purpose,
the purpose that it originally begin with.
=)


3rd July 2010
was supposed to be at HQ by 7plus,
so that i can see dear dear before her FDI.
but i overslept. =X
sorry dear dear...
went down at noontime instead.
had PDA with dear dear,
holding hands, hugging etc.
everyone was so jealous.
hahaha~
frankly speaking, i haven't held someone's hands in a long time,
so dear dear, i am not hua xin de!! =D
hehe
then went to tiong,
bought some materials.
hehehehehehehe.
all shall be reveal when the time is right!
then met twinnie at tiong,
and went to the army museum~~~
twinnie can consider being a tour guide for the army museum!
haha~
he shocked some uncle when he demo how to do the sedia of the M16 (i think?)
the uncle's expression was HAHA~ =X
then went around, i think we spent about 2 to 3 hours in the museum?
or maybe longer...
it's really interesting, and i think i might be tempted to join army.
LOL~ i'm kiddddddddinnngggggggg
army's too tough, i'm not fit enough =X
and then, twinnie's photo-taking skills is cui cui~~~ HAHAHAHAHAHA
=P
then we headed back to HQ to look for everyone.
sorry twinnie, didn'd find out the shop that sells drill cane properly,
in the end didn't get drill cane
will find out and let you know asap~~~
then we went to marina for dinner~~
Shifu, First Lady, Mei Mei, Rii, Dear Dear, Twinnie and myself!
haha~
it was goddamn funny.
and i think after looking through mei mei's photos, i kinda expected his craziness.
but everyone else was shocked. damn shocked. hahaha!
and all the butt drying drama~~~
like OMG~~~~
LOL~
seriously, going out with them is fun, always fun! =P
let's have more of such outings.
and hopefully twinnie gets to go for closing meeting.
sian, why ZC ban him for the last meeting for ANCO,
D:

and conclusion of the day,
softtoy is SOOOOO LOVED! xD

and suddenly i felt like telling you before everything is too late.
but i've already came to a conclusion,
you wun feel the same way, but sometime down the road, i'd let you know.
by then, i wonder if i feel the same way,
i guess i probably would, because this time, it's not a crush,
it's not a feeling of nervousness etc,
it feels like a day to day thingy.
haha, sounds complicated,
oh well, anyway, i will tell you when you least expect me to.
no, more like when you least expect somebody to tell you such a thing.
haha~

1st july 2010


twinnie, dear dear and rii came over to ngee ann today!
had dinner together. did stuff with dear dear in the afternoon.
hehe. had fun today!!!!!
and twinnie is gonna tell dear dear and i loads of things.
his long long long long long story.
dun break your promise alright? =D

had a rather long talk with twinnie over the phone,
talking about random stuff..
told him stuff from 3 years ago.
his reaction was just like everyone else's.
HAHAHA
but then, 3yearsago is a nice person alright! =)


today i got to know that my assumptions were rather off...
when dear dear and i talked about this matter,
i realised our assumptions are wrong...
or rather, it may be wrong..
but then again,
you are just so cute as someone who's liking someone.
the way you behave made me realised that in terms of r/s,
you haven't grown up...
living in the fairytale concept.
haha~
but that's the part of you that i like as well.
to like someone, i think you might just have to embrace their flaws,
their imperfections.
cox that's who they really are.
trying to change them is not liking them for who they are.
it's okay.
there's a test coming right up.
i have already convinced myself,
if i pass this test that i set for myself.
i will let you know, be it immediately after the test,
or sometime later.
i will let you know with the mindset that i expect you not to feel the same way.
cox i know you wun feel the same way,
no matter how dear dear convinced me that you might or would.
haha, call it low self-esteem or no confidence,
i just feel that you wun.