Stranded, uncertain, scared...


i never felt as stranded as today,
because, went to the industrial park in Bedok North,
super super long bus trips,
along the way the surroundings get more and more foreign to me,
not sure of whether the buses would get me to the place i wanna go,
the sky turns darker and darker with each bus stop passed,
plus in the industrial parks, all the factories looks like super blown-up lego cubes,
it's kinda scary, in a way..
to think that i left school at around 4pm,
settled everything and reached home at around 8.45pm..
it's like so long, i didn't expect it to take so much time..
and the weird layout of the factory that i went to,
had to walk long empty corridors alone for 3 sides of a square..
(can understand ma?)
i felt rather insecured..
cox it's just so empty..
like, would i get lost?
and then, on the bus, as the sky gets darker,
i kept having the urge to just not go to the factory and head home instead..
but we don't have anymore time.. have to get it done..
and also, when in the factory, i had the urge to call someone..
to tell someone how scared i was, how uncertain i felt..
but i dunno who i should call,
and it's not good to be calling anyone just cox of that, right?
on the long long long bus trips i had,
the cold air-con on the bus..
it's like, weirdly, the loneliness pours in,
and it's a lil overwhelming...
to think that a somone like me would say that?
haha~
maybe i'm just being an idiot,
but going all the way there alone,
is really rather scary..
and then it feels a little like the dementors just came..
makes you feel like you're alone in the fight..
that kinda feeling..
haha~

okay, i'll go sleep..
it's 2.15am..
JA~

How hard is it to say no?


suddenly had this thought,
it's not cox something happened to me,
dun worry,
haha~

i wonder how hard is it to say no to others,
be it a demand, or a request
or even a plea...
how hard is it for you?
for me,
generally speaking, it's quite hard...
because of my problem in expressing myself,
i dun feel comfortable,
or maybe i dun dare,
to say no to others..
hahas,
but then, in life,
sometimes we needa learn how to say no,
because,
it will be for their own good,
so miss kong, when i say no to you, it's for your own good,
when i say dun this dun that, it's also for your own good..
hahaha~ =P

alrights,
that's all for now,
JA~

W E I R D


had a really weird dream last night,
it's about MatsuJun..
okay, i think should be MatsuJun,
or maybe it's just some random guy?
okays, let it be MatsuJun
dream that i went shopping with him in my dream..
and the setting is like singapore shopping centre or sth?
i only rmb long escalators, and holding hands..
but i dun rmb other details...
but we were either a couple/siblings..
LOLs..
weird, TOTALLY,
cox, MatsuJun isn't exactly my favourite guy in Arashi/JE/Idols...
wonders why i dreamt of him..
maybe i go crazy le~ haha~ =P
or maybe i think of having a tokubetsu no hito too much, haha~

eyes exercise threatens to start all of a sudden..
i wonder what's wrong..
=/
i'm being irresponsible,
i keep lying and making it seem like i'm doing a lot,
but that's not true..
i have all along irresponsibly not done anything..
=(

Young Buin!!!!
thanks so much with regards to the hoodie~~~
BUT,
rmb buin cannot buy anything for shillang~
heeehee~ xDDDDDDD
and i'll get it maybe at a later date~~
but, really, thanks so much,
appreciate it~~~ =DDDDDD

okay,
i am listening to piano pieces and typing and typing and typing right now~
haha~
that's all for today,
JA~

I seriously want that hoodie....


saw Joanna at the bus stop on the way home today,
and she told me that i looked sick..
do i really look sick? =X
but thanks though~ =)

for a moment, i just felt like not doing anything
or maybe redoing everything..
it's the tired, wants to throw everything away kinda feeling...
hahaha~
sadly, 亭欣不是无敌超人
if not things would be a lot easier~
hahaha~
but i would press on,
because there simply is not room for failure, AT ALL. =)

and i saw this on LJ,





i seriously want it la~~~~
never wanted a piece of clothing as much as i want this..
partly cos of HyunJoong,
partly cox of Doraemon,
partly cox it's a Hoodie..
and it's only $35,
compared to Russ-K etc,
it's a lot cheaper,
and it's gonna come from Korea~~~
gahhhh
sians,
why don't i have any savings,
haix..
too late to regret now..
let's just hope the seller continues to sell it till next month
or even next next.. =X

okay, enough of ranting,
gotta go~
JA~

Motivation


i am motivated,
i want to do well,
although part of it is because i want to live up to expectations,
but another part is because i don't want to disappoint myself,
and i dun want to look back at the end of it and think
"i should have... i could have... i would have done this better"
NO, i shall not repeat Campfire...
there is no room for failure,
not even 0.00000000000001%,
we only have 1 choice left,
there's only 1 road ahead.
let's hurry up and head towards that road.
we can do it because we are 17/09,
and we are zone X.
WE.SHALL.SUCCEED.
=)

50-50


Went for ZPN meeting today,
the speed of everyone talking,
means that my minutes would turn out crappy,
because i know i never note down a lot of important things..
sianssssssss =/

and from what Mdm Wendy said,
i feel the urge to cheong everything in one shot...
but no, that's not the way to go about doing things..
i will do the things,
but school work must not be sacrificed..

and i'm glad that 2014 is being used,
in a way..
at least the work we did didn't go to waste,
at least sleeping at 1+am right before OTC examination day is worth it,
at least all the meetings and discussions and time didn't go down the drain..
at least ZC appreciates =)

got my OTC cert today,
my results is A, B, overall B..
means my A and B both low..
which means there's loads to learn and improve on,
because i'm really not good enough..
like seriously.. =)

and the appraisal,
it's a 50-50..
50% good,
50% is bad, and needs to be changed, and work upon...
thanks for the advice,
i will work on it,
because i want and aim to become someone,
who is worthy to train the future leaders of SJAB,
yes,
means i want to be an instructor for OTC someday..
and i hope that someday comes soon~ =)

and i now have a new hobby!
ORIGAMI!!!!!!!
it's so fun,
and i brings back kindergarden times' fun~
cox origami,
other than following instructions,
there are a lot of ways that can be explored,
on how to improvise or make something out of plain old paper~
i want an origami book,
and also loads of papers in beautiful colours to fold!
xDDDDDDDD

okays,
i shall go sleep,

-a 1.10am post-

Anyoung~
JA~

~

Yesterday and Today


Okay, firstly, yesterday was a rather happy day for me i would say?

signed up for pledge of silence,
here's the bandana~





keeping quiet isn't difficult right?
hahas =P
but Phoebe wasn't in school today,
get well soon kay?
old liao, xia yu tian, like that one~ =P

went out to buy some stuff after lessons,
went to suntec to get presents for Cheryl and Ai Suan..
what is it?
for me to know and you to find out~
haha~

then after that,
went to orchard, first to HMV,
on the way there,
the sky went "boom boom" and i was like =.=
sian, gonna rain le..
went to look at CDs,
SS501 are 1st and 2nd on the HMV charts,
but, it's Taiwan version..
and i can't seem to find the "Korean Area" in HMV..
maybe i'm blind.. =X
anyways, good thing is,
i saw SS501's Korean version Rebirth Album,
at the "new releases" segment and i totally went bonkers and started smiling..
LOLs~
here's a pic that i took,





cox wanted to share info on online forum,
so took a pic with the security guard staring..
LOLS... and guess what?
i bought it!
but i bought the normal edition..





it took me 20 minutes to debate with myself,
and persuade myself to buy the normal version,
which is half the price of the special edition..
yes,
the price diff is THAT big..
cox there's a 100 page photobook involved here..
haha~
and also cox it's HMV..

then after that,
went to visit Buin and Uncle Seah at Borders,
went in the rain, cox no umbrella~
LOLs...
bad habit of mine..
on the way there,
went to 7-eleven to buy some stuff for them,
cox visiting them at work..
but in the end,
they can't receive it cox it's part of the rules in borders,
and then ate the stuff myself at home lor..
haha~
then went home,
rain got a lil bigger..
and the bloody 175 took forever to come,
so ended up taking no. 5 to tiong,
got fries and ate on the way home..
luckily the rain stopped by then.. =)
and then bathed, use comp etc,
then started out on the presents..
yes, the presents are something that needed me to do stuff on them..
but as to what,
you shall know~~
hahhaha~
anyways, finished Cheryl's at 3am,
then went to sleep...




then today,
meet Ebi and Chipmunk in GESS,
to watch some videos so that can try to choreograph the dance for 45th,
and then it's like,
the only moves we tried to dance are "Sorry Sorry"
and only the popular small segment of the chorus..
but then, the 2 of them managed to decide on some songs to use for 45th.. =)
and then there was this rat whose head kena chopped off,
and chipmunk was excited over it,
and took a photo of it..
LOLs....

and then after that,
went to get the ink for printer from tiong,
before my neck gets twisted by Jie..
then decided to go to burlington square to get the drink that Hyun Joong endorses~
cox the online forum ppl mentioned about a korean supermarket at burlington...
ended up,
it's Shine Korea~
and there's a branch near HQ~
xDDDDD
okays, back to the drink,
here's the pic!





and i wonder if i behaved in a really fangirl way or sth
(okays, i think i was smiling, but..)
cox when i paid for the 2 bottles of drinks+some weird sweet,
the lady at the counter, the boss i think?
she's like " you want their poster?"
i was a little shocked but i say yes,
then i thanked her few times before i left,
and i think i smiled a little too much?
but who wouldn't?
haha~ xD

wells, then it rained on the way home,
and i am again without umbrella,
so i tried quite hard to protect the poster..
ended up when it dried up,
it's back to how it was before it got wet~
xDDDDD

okays,
then that's all for today..
there's ZPN meeting tmr,
and we'll be getting our OTC certs tmr too~!
=DDDD

HyunJoongie is <333333





xD
Anyoung,
JA~