I suppose i am seriously narrow-minded or something.
If not for the fact that you are someone of some stature,
Or that you've been there serving the corps in many areas,
I would've been utterly disgusted by all that has been happening.
Maybe it's just conflict of mindset or something.
But i don't see how it is necessary to consistently remind us juniors that RESPECT is to be given to the seniors.
Yes, i acknowledge that you are my senior and that we need to behave appropriately at times.
Maybe i have been disrespectful or something like that. I dunno.
But why keep harping on the respect la, salutations la etc etc?
Is it even necessary?
To me it isn't.
To me, my juniors, once they become officers, or once they graduate and are fellow officers/committee members serving the corps, there isn't a difference in me and them.
Yes, i am more senior and stuff, and i am older, and more experienced.
But to me we are all colleagues. There are times when i have to learn from them also.
So to me there isn't a necessity in emphasising the respect and seniority.
Because when we work together, it is a form of mutual respect.
Mutual respect means that, even if we don't use salutations with one another,
even if we talk like we are fellows, we respect one another.
And we value each others' opinions and contribution and such.
With what is happening, it reminded me of how HQ and Zone people are behaving.
Though they pull rank, in this case, to put it crudely, it's like you're pulling seniority.
That doesn't seem like something you would do.
Or at least the you that i know.
Where did the harmony in the committee go to?
I guess perhaps we are overboard, else you wouldn't do so.
I think this way because i have faith in your character as my senior.
I believe there must be a reason for you to emphasise on this point.
And since it is what you want, i shall adhere to it and be formal with you.


I know i shouldn't be talking about these things on my blog.
But i also know that if i don't rant all these irritation i am feeling out, 
I may end up developing what people say as 心病.
I don't know why but somehow i suddenly feel that one day i might just eat my own words and leave.
It's cowardice, i understand, but sometimes i just feel like, 
It's not a harmonious place to work hard in anymore.
Sometimes i just feel that, what am i serving for? 
Am i serving ________ or am i serving the people in it?
We are here because we want to be here.
But when you feel like what you do is all wrong,
when you feel like you are serving, working hard, but all the pain isn't worth anything.
It's not just one person or anything. 
It just feels like you are not good enough and anything is just your fault because it is a chain reaction.
Maybe i'm too sensitive for my own good but sometimes i just think, "why do you keep shooting me?"
and yeah. but i always end up telling myself it's objective, not subjective.


gahhhh, maybe it's just that i am a spoilt brat without the correct mindset to serve bah.
Maybe i'm just not there, not good enough, to be serving in this place.
idk anymore. i think if i continue typing and thinking, i will go nowhere and end up being very emotional and upset over nothing.
Maybe I'm just not worth anything anymore. Because my efficiency and standards are not up to anyone and everyone's expectations.
I'm tired.
Though i always tell myself, i am not the only one tired, and i am not the most tired out of everyone.
Sigh....

:(

I can't even say i miss you. Sigh. ):
Wonders if you're busy or you simply forgotten. Just hope it's not cox you're sick or anything.
Sighhhhh

Iwanai Koto

"sukidesu", hontoni iwanagata no koto. Demo ne, watashi no kokoro ga chotto doki suru. Jibun no kimochi ga wakatemasu. Itsuka ne, koukuhaku shimasu! Hahas. Jaa ne!

Un-resting

I think one reason i have been feeling terribly drained early in the morning is that i haven't been able to sleep properly.
I always always have the same fear when i go to sleep: that i won't be able to wake up on time.
Sigh. Seems like i'm kinda really old alr eh. I need sleep!!

And then again, i've always always have this habit of doing or thinking about things right before i sleep. So i end up wasting precious sleeping time. Oops. :x


Totally unrelated but i really love provence(or whatever its name is)'s pafupafu bread is super super nice! Love the texture. And the fact that it's "kosong". Low cost of $0.80 and being available conveniently at vivo & ion are bonuses.
If only i can be sure that it'll last the week, then i'll get one for each day's breakfast!!!
Now, if only it is low-carb/low-calorie food. Then i can even eat it for lunch!!! Save money & lower carb intake at the same time!!
Think too much arhs. Lols.


Rightttttttt.
JA~ oyasuminasai! (:

Numb

I guess i am really too used to not receiving replies to the extent that i am already numb.
This makes me anticipate no replies and feel nothing about it.
Heck. I think i am even numb to ppl ignoring/avoiding me.
Honestly, when i am so numb, i wonder what's making me feel so upset right now. I shouldn't be feeling upset.
Cox i'm used to it alr. Numb alr.

Omoiteru

Kimi o omoiteru

Breakthrough

If we make a breakthrough, i will stop working from 01072012. Let's do it!