I suppose i am seriously narrow-minded or something.
If not for the fact that you are someone of some stature,
Or that you've been there serving the corps in many areas,
I would've been utterly disgusted by all that has been happening.
Maybe it's just conflict of mindset or something.
But i don't see how it is necessary to consistently remind us juniors that RESPECT is to be given to the seniors.
Yes, i acknowledge that you are my senior and that we need to behave appropriately at times.
Maybe i have been disrespectful or something like that. I dunno.
But why keep harping on the respect la, salutations la etc etc?
Is it even necessary?
To me it isn't.
To me, my juniors, once they become officers, or once they graduate and are fellow officers/committee members serving the corps, there isn't a difference in me and them.
Yes, i am more senior and stuff, and i am older, and more experienced.
But to me we are all colleagues. There are times when i have to learn from them also.
So to me there isn't a necessity in emphasising the respect and seniority.
Because when we work together, it is a form of mutual respect.
Mutual respect means that, even if we don't use salutations with one another,
even if we talk like we are fellows, we respect one another.
And we value each others' opinions and contribution and such.
With what is happening, it reminded me of how HQ and Zone people are behaving.
Though they pull rank, in this case, to put it crudely, it's like you're pulling seniority.
That doesn't seem like something you would do.
Or at least the you that i know.
Where did the harmony in the committee go to?
I guess perhaps we are overboard, else you wouldn't do so.
I think this way because i have faith in your character as my senior.
I believe there must be a reason for you to emphasise on this point.
And since it is what you want, i shall adhere to it and be formal with you.


I know i shouldn't be talking about these things on my blog.
But i also know that if i don't rant all these irritation i am feeling out, 
I may end up developing what people say as 心病.
I don't know why but somehow i suddenly feel that one day i might just eat my own words and leave.
It's cowardice, i understand, but sometimes i just feel like, 
It's not a harmonious place to work hard in anymore.
Sometimes i just feel that, what am i serving for? 
Am i serving ________ or am i serving the people in it?
We are here because we want to be here.
But when you feel like what you do is all wrong,
when you feel like you are serving, working hard, but all the pain isn't worth anything.
It's not just one person or anything. 
It just feels like you are not good enough and anything is just your fault because it is a chain reaction.
Maybe i'm too sensitive for my own good but sometimes i just think, "why do you keep shooting me?"
and yeah. but i always end up telling myself it's objective, not subjective.


gahhhh, maybe it's just that i am a spoilt brat without the correct mindset to serve bah.
Maybe i'm just not there, not good enough, to be serving in this place.
idk anymore. i think if i continue typing and thinking, i will go nowhere and end up being very emotional and upset over nothing.
Maybe I'm just not worth anything anymore. Because my efficiency and standards are not up to anyone and everyone's expectations.
I'm tired.
Though i always tell myself, i am not the only one tired, and i am not the most tired out of everyone.
Sigh....

:(

I can't even say i miss you. Sigh. ):
Wonders if you're busy or you simply forgotten. Just hope it's not cox you're sick or anything.
Sighhhhh