Am a little tired from all the translating for the fan community.
So here i am, trying to blog several days' worth of fatigue away.
Yes, several days' worth of fatigue.
A day in my life doesn't consist of much things, but i have no idea whey i feel tired.
Must be the optimism slipping away from me.
Had fun playing tennis today with OT5.
Kinda wasted that Esther's not there.
During the tennis, notifications came on my phone.
And a particular fb msg totally left me "zzzzzz"
As usual, ask before doing anything.
Asked. what i received were pretty 置身事外 answers.
Didn't feel too good about it.
Yes, small matter but i'm pretty sure it will affect certain operations and the way things are done.
And yet while i know those response were pretty much harmless humour or something along that line, it made me feel a little upset.
Not frustrated-angry-explosive kinda upset.
Just ebbing pain and feeling abandoned.
And i wonder why is it that such things always happen to me.
Why am i always contact point for such shit.
Why did that fb msg have to come to me.
Really feel like running away there and then.
All these isn't a show of "we are capable and we don't need you"
It's just more of, hey, we take ownership over here and we can't have 2 or 3 systems of teaching going on at the same time.
Everyone will get confused if that happens.
Well, maybe it will benefit us to have people like that come over and teach.
But i rather we try and we fall and we learn all as one. Together.
2012 didn't go well with much interference from a certain concerned trainer.
I honestly don't want 2013 to be a repeat.
To go through sticky situation once is bad enough.
To let that happen with us again once more is a failure.
Failure on my part as an Officer, as a senior and as a trainer.
But the response i receive just now seems to make me feel that i am alone on that.
Let's just see how it goes.
And while on that topic,
It just frustrates me that so much emphasis is placed on the competition.
2012 is not a good year for us.
Competitions Competitions Competitions.
We compete but none of them juniors are competent.
And their failure reflects our failure.
Yes we cannot afford to lose time.
But what we are losing is far greater than time.
And then we get frustrated over why them juniors are like that.
Why during the camp in June we can't even name 1 person from us to be commended.
Exactly because we no longer have any development.
The juniors don't grow, don't learn.
They don't get attached to SJ on a corps spirit level anymore.
And not to mention how ridiculous it was that a contingent's worth of boots had to be polished by people who come back.
Honestly, never before in History.
Do we have to go that direction in making history in this place of ours?
I really think it's time to stop and look at what is important.
We're losing too much in comparison to what we think we are gaining.
The mindset is wrong in a top-down manner.
If mindset was wrong in a bottom-up manner there's still a chance we can change.
If it's top-down, well, it's not gonna be that easy, isn't it?
Really. I find that it's time to sit down and talk about it.
We want to achieve a breakthrough, but that should not be at the expense of losing what is uniquely this corps.
If we lose that and eventually lose future generations of leaders,
Please, stop calling ourselves dragon saints.
Because we already lost ourselves and the corps spirit in an attempt to achieve some worthless metal in the form of trophies.
Glory vs Corps Spirit.
I may be wrong. But to me, that Spirit itself matters so much more than empty glory and achievement.
That corps spirit was imbedded in so many batches of juniors,
That corps spirit brought about extraordinary people who were unanimously recognised by officers from other zones in their OTC as exemplary and outstanding.
Those people i am extremely proud of. That proved how great they are.
When I left myself out of voting. When i argued against them instead of for them because of the smallest mistake, they received support from outsiders on how good they are.
No more of such juniors if things go on the way they are now.
No more of such juniors that can make anyone and everyone proud of them.
It's disheartening to feel the way i am feeling now.
barely 3 years ago, i told myself and everyone, until i no longer have time for it, i will be in SJ.
Looking at 3 years later from now, i'm not too sure i want to stay in a corps that is just like any corps.
With people who treat it JUST AS A CCA.
It wouldn't be worth it to stay anymore.
The pain wouldn't be worth it anymore.
Because that spirit is gone. That culture is gone. The very essence of what made it endearing and worth doing anything for is gone.
We've become stronger, better, more glorious, at the same time, we've become disunited, weaker, more undignified and worthless.
We've even lost ourselves along the way.
How pathetic.
