Hi, here's a 22 year old Ting Xin.
Been soooooooo long since i last blogged. Very very random.
Sometimes blogging feels like talking to the me in the future.
Think i should start doing it more often.
Well, what made me want to blog today after a very long time is well, i think i need to remind the future me to manage my expectations.
Not that i can mention anything explicit, but vaguely, i learned a lot about management of expectations today. Which inspired me in both work and personal life.
Well. It is a work issue. Incident, issue, problem. whatever. Something happened.
And well, though things happened not without a reason, the fair and square and OCD person in me just simply can't take it lying down.
I do understand that there are circumstances. There are reasons, there is logic. And a whole ton of other things. That all of it should be acceptable and that i should understand.
But this fragment of myself just simply cannot.
Then it dawned on me. I need to learn how to manage my expectations.
Well, life is not fair. Actually, Ms Ng, my Primary 5 & 6 form teacher has taught me well. She has already taught the 11~12 year old me that life isn't fair. Not at all. That "Nothing is fair in this world. If you want something to be fair, first cut your fingers"
That says a lot, doesn't it?
So i guess, it is more of me being the fairest i can be and at the same time, i need to understand that unfairness simply happens. That it is a norm. That everyone's doing it even if you maintain your righteous fair square whatever self.
It is still very hard for me to take it lying down but i really really have to suck it up and live with it. Lesson learned though, will be that nobody should be trusted. No matter what. And dun have faith in anyone because everything will simply wound up as a disappointment.
In personal life as well. I really shouldn't expect that much.
Even if i am in your life for so long, even if i prioritise you, even if i always make time for you, even if i consistently regularly arrange to meet you around once per week, even if i dun hang out with other ppl but still keep hanging out with you, that doesn't mean that all of that effort is gonna get reciprocated. It just simply wouldn't. That you would go on to meet the girl of your dreams and you will end up having the ideal family you want and i will always just simply be by your side. Like a sidekick. Like this super friendzoned girl in your life who is your ohana and will simply become your family friend.
I am not angry with you. I am simply sad that we are so 有缘无份, 情深缘浅.
That probably my character doesn't matches yours all that well, that you will never be mine. That all those crazy daydreams and random thoughts i have will never ever ever come true. That this wun ever be a story with a happy ending. That we are always gonna be status quo.
But at the same time, i am truly really very grateful to have you in my life. Someone i can completely trust with all my heart. Who makes me feel that i am of some sort of importance simply because you choose to also make the time to meet me and hang out.
Well. life goes on. Both in work and personal. I only need to adjust myself and learn how to manage my expectations. Or rather, learn how to not expect at all.
JAA~~
