i never knew that,
for the past 17 years,
what you thought of me was that i was a kid of yours,
that is such a hypocrite
who would only do things in front of you,
who do things for people to see..
i seriously didn't know that,
to my own father,
this is the kind of image i had,
in your eyes..
it's painful,
because i heard it from you...
it's so painful,
that i felt so pissed,
that i can't stop my tears..
i never knew you thought that of me,
seriously i never knew..
i wonder what i did
to make you think that of me..
9/30/09
9/28/09
the past few days over at ah ma's was nice...
ah ma is the best cook on earth ^u^
and it was nice talking to ye ye and ah ma about stuff,
like how their childhood was,
how ah ma used to fight with granduncle when they were kids..
and ye ye is uper cute,
he watched the F1 telecast cox he said
"maybe they'll get a shot of Ting Ting when the cars drive pass"
cox Jie was selling the F1 survival kits..
hahas...
went with ye ye to the community centre's lantern festival celebrations,
they have nice curry puffs..
hahas~
and then, on sunday,
completed my BCLS final attachment..
^u^
but then, still need to conduct 2 actual lessons by end of year after i get my instructor cert..
so i must jia you! =)
and thought about a lot of things,
and got to know a lot of things,
so like, there are a few more things to do le =X
and i pei ah ma to have her echocardiogram today..
doctor says that one side of her heart is thicker than the other side 0_0
but then the doctor didn't mention about getting the echocardiogram another time,
so i think it's okay?
is folding the stars for the charity alot recently,
wants to finish asap, if possible by tmr~ ^u^
sorry that i'm so slow.. ><
and i've decided, i'm gonna watch Hana Yori Dango,
and also B.O.F...
hahahaha!
and as expected,
i like the golden hair guy whose name is "ZhiHou" in chinese..
LOLs..
and, great NEWS,
and yes, NEWS!
NEWS' concert is coming out on DVD! xD
which means i'll get to see the subbed version maybe 3 months down the road? hahaha~
and then, Yamapi is gonna have a solo concert,
and he's having another single!!!!!!!!
like xDDDDDDDDDDD
and i just preordered it with someone on LJ,
and i get discount cox i bought something from her previously..
so i'm getting it for SGD$20~ ^u^
(but shipping fees not counted yet =X)
okays,
i should totally start saving money,
cox i think i need to make a new set of field uniform,
and i am gonna add on unlimited sms to my plan,
and i am gonna save up for a possible NEWS album at end of year,
and i am gonna save up for possible NEWS concert goods at end of year
and i want to watch movies,
and i want to get new sneakers,
and i want to get some new clothes
and i want ALL 3 of Ayaka's albums
and i want to ride bicycle alot alot of times,
and i want to buy stuff for people during Chirstmas
okays, i have a lot of stuff i want.. =X
nevermind,
i'll be a good girl and save up~ ^u^
HAHA!
okays,
off to do stuff...
JA~
ah ma is the best cook on earth ^u^
and it was nice talking to ye ye and ah ma about stuff,
like how their childhood was,
how ah ma used to fight with granduncle when they were kids..
and ye ye is uper cute,
he watched the F1 telecast cox he said
"maybe they'll get a shot of Ting Ting when the cars drive pass"
cox Jie was selling the F1 survival kits..
hahas...
went with ye ye to the community centre's lantern festival celebrations,
they have nice curry puffs..
hahas~
and then, on sunday,
completed my BCLS final attachment..
^u^
but then, still need to conduct 2 actual lessons by end of year after i get my instructor cert..
so i must jia you! =)
and thought about a lot of things,
and got to know a lot of things,
so like, there are a few more things to do le =X
and i pei ah ma to have her echocardiogram today..
doctor says that one side of her heart is thicker than the other side 0_0
but then the doctor didn't mention about getting the echocardiogram another time,
so i think it's okay?
is folding the stars for the charity alot recently,
wants to finish asap, if possible by tmr~ ^u^
sorry that i'm so slow.. ><
and i've decided, i'm gonna watch Hana Yori Dango,
and also B.O.F...
hahahaha!
and as expected,
i like the golden hair guy whose name is "ZhiHou" in chinese..
LOLs..
and, great NEWS,
and yes, NEWS!
NEWS' concert is coming out on DVD! xD
which means i'll get to see the subbed version maybe 3 months down the road? hahaha~
and then, Yamapi is gonna have a solo concert,
and he's having another single!!!!!!!!
like xDDDDDDDDDDD
and i just preordered it with someone on LJ,
and i get discount cox i bought something from her previously..
so i'm getting it for SGD$20~ ^u^
(but shipping fees not counted yet =X)
okays,
i should totally start saving money,
cox i think i need to make a new set of field uniform,
and i am gonna add on unlimited sms to my plan,
and i am gonna save up for a possible NEWS album at end of year,
and i am gonna save up for possible NEWS concert goods at end of year
and i want to watch movies,
and i want to get new sneakers,
and i want to get some new clothes
and i want ALL 3 of Ayaka's albums
and i want to ride bicycle alot alot of times,
and i want to buy stuff for people during Chirstmas
okays, i have a lot of stuff i want.. =X
nevermind,
i'll be a good girl and save up~ ^u^
HAHA!
okays,
off to do stuff...
JA~
9/25/09
For not taking Geography...
was lost yesterday..
because i totally forgot that there is road closure,
and suay suay took the wrong bus.. 0_0
ended up stranded at Sim Lim square,
and then just walked towards ah ma's house,
then try to figure out my way to HQ..
and stupid Pheng Loong keep calling me noob,
hmph! =.=
LOLs,
anyways,
going to ah ma's house from tonight till monday,
cox ah ma having hospital appointment on monday,
going with her =)
okays,
gotta go prepare,
JA~
was lost yesterday..
because i totally forgot that there is road closure,
and suay suay took the wrong bus.. 0_0
ended up stranded at Sim Lim square,
and then just walked towards ah ma's house,
then try to figure out my way to HQ..
and stupid Pheng Loong keep calling me noob,
hmph! =.=
LOLs,
anyways,
going to ah ma's house from tonight till monday,
cox ah ma having hospital appointment on monday,
going with her =)
okays,
gotta go prepare,
JA~
9/24/09
Eh,
i did something rather ridiculous ytd,
hope i did think through carefully,
hope i didn't hurt anyone,
but i'm sorry if i did,
cox my intention wasn't to hurt,
but to ask and suggest,
because i think we are stagnant...
something has to be done..
was thinking through stuff ytd,
and thought up something
when you want to fight for something, believe in it,
when you need someone to fight for you, prove yourself worth believing in,
when you want someone to fight together with you, make them believe.
wonders if it makes sense at all? =X
and, i am not assuming,
but really, that's how i feel,
and that's the kind of gaze i get from you everytime,
i dunno if i'm right,
but are you sure you have never felt that way throughout the whole scolding?
i wonder..
anyway, i am not in the position to judge you also..
and i'm not in the position to blame..
because indeed, it was my fault..
i did something rather ridiculous ytd,
hope i did think through carefully,
hope i didn't hurt anyone,
but i'm sorry if i did,
cox my intention wasn't to hurt,
but to ask and suggest,
because i think we are stagnant...
something has to be done..
was thinking through stuff ytd,
and thought up something
when you want to fight for something, believe in it,
when you need someone to fight for you, prove yourself worth believing in,
when you want someone to fight together with you, make them believe.
wonders if it makes sense at all? =X
and, i am not assuming,
but really, that's how i feel,
and that's the kind of gaze i get from you everytime,
i dunno if i'm right,
but are you sure you have never felt that way throughout the whole scolding?
i wonder..
anyway, i am not in the position to judge you also..
and i'm not in the position to blame..
because indeed, it was my fault..
i bet you're now thinking that it's my fault again,
as always,
everytime something happens,
you'd look at me with that kinda glance,
which seems to be telling me that it's my fault..
yes, it's my fault,
it has always been, hasn't it?
i wonder whether you'll ever think the fault doesn't only lies in one of us?
but nevermind,
i guess if you ever thought about it,
you'd think that 99% of the fault is mine,
which might be the truth afterall..
forget it,
let's jus let it stay as my fault,
like how it's always been..
as always,
everytime something happens,
you'd look at me with that kinda glance,
which seems to be telling me that it's my fault..
yes, it's my fault,
it has always been, hasn't it?
i wonder whether you'll ever think the fault doesn't only lies in one of us?
but nevermind,
i guess if you ever thought about it,
you'd think that 99% of the fault is mine,
which might be the truth afterall..
forget it,
let's jus let it stay as my fault,
like how it's always been..
9/23/09
ドラマ！
Finished watching Buzzer Beat today..
the ending is so sweet~ xD
worth watching, TOTALLY..
and guess what?
a new drama,
Tokyo Dogs ~ Saiaku de Saikou no Partner~
STARRING MIZUSHIMA HIRO
is coming up!
and it's taking over Buzzer Beat's time slot
(not that it matters much to me, but it's a monday show over at Japan, so i would be able to watch it on Wednesdays with Chinese subs =X)
hahahas~~~~~
so niceeeeee~ xD
but the bad thing is that school is starting soon =X
but i'd only watch it on wednesday nights, after finishing homework etc kay?
promise (or else Phoebe is gonna twist my ear =P)
yay!
okays,
that's all~
JA~
Finished watching Buzzer Beat today..
the ending is so sweet~ xD
worth watching, TOTALLY..
and guess what?
a new drama,
Tokyo Dogs ~ Saiaku de Saikou no Partner~
STARRING MIZUSHIMA HIRO
is coming up!
and it's taking over Buzzer Beat's time slot
(not that it matters much to me, but it's a monday show over at Japan, so i would be able to watch it on Wednesdays with Chinese subs =X)
hahahas~~~~~
so niceeeeee~ xD
but the bad thing is that school is starting soon =X
but i'd only watch it on wednesday nights, after finishing homework etc kay?
promise (or else Phoebe is gonna twist my ear =P)
yay!
okays,
that's all~
JA~
9/21/09
somthing unpleasant happened today..
made me realised a trend in the way my parents scold..
LOLs..
weird huh..
anyways,
realised that the 3 of us (Jie, me, dan dan, that is),
are seriously,
CMI-ly, kiampa..
LOLs..
even after getting scolded,
it just takes a while,
for us to resume our usual activities,
hahas,
okays,
that's all for today.
JA~
made me realised a trend in the way my parents scold..
LOLs..
weird huh..
anyways,
realised that the 3 of us (Jie, me, dan dan, that is),
are seriously,
CMI-ly, kiampa..
LOLs..
even after getting scolded,
it just takes a while,
for us to resume our usual activities,
hahas,
okays,
that's all for today.
JA~
9/20/09
最後の最後，あきらめない
the title reads,
"till the very end, don't give up"
it struck me..
would i be able to do this?
or would i find 101 excuses for giving up instead?
i wonder..
alright,
some random thoughts recently..
hmmm,
sometimes,
when i don't explain myself,
doesn't mean i don't bother
it's because i think that i'm already in the wrong,
i've already done something wrong..
unless it's for accounting myself to people,
i tend to not explain so much..
though somehow, i guess i'm lacking in sincerity if i do that?
so sorry.. ><
but i think,
instead of explaining so much of the cause of my mistake,
which doesn't really help,
is it okay for me to apologise,
and to learn from that mistake,
and to work on correcting things?
i wonder.. =X
and, sometimes,
when i don't ask about things,
doesn't mean i don't care anymore..
just that i thought if people around me wanted to share,
they would've shared with me,
about all the things...
if they didn't want to share,
is it okay for me not to probe or dig further?
would that be better?
and if they don't want to share,
especially about unpleasant and private stuff,
would it be better just to lend them a shoulder to cry on?
or just give them a pat on their shoulder, and sit next to them,
silently,
while they think through things?
i wonder..
and, sometimes,
when i don't share things,
when i don't say things out,
when i don't mention things,
it doesn't mean i don't trust you,
or i'm being emo,
or i'm trying to act cool/strong,
or i'm being dishonest,
when i don't share things,
it's probably cox it's unpleasant,
and i don't wanna cause people around me to worry..
because sometimes it'll make people feel helpless,
when i share unpleasant things..
because,
they would worry,
yet they can't really do anything,
and that's a horrible feeling,
so isn't it better if i didn't share in the first place?
is it okay not to say things out,
so as not to let people around me worry so much?
i wonder..
actually,
these are very simple things in life,
everyone goes through them..
was wondering if my kind of approach on things are okay?
well, many would tell me that,
there's no right and wrong in such things..
true enough, there isn't right and wrong,
but aren't we always finding right and wrong in stuff like that?
dare we say that there are no preset politically rights and wrongs?
hahas,
life's like that la,
not something we can change,
because humans are born to look at things with prejudice,
with assumptions,
as what my CATS teacher said...
it's just how we work,
how our brain work to be precise..
hmmms,
just my randomness..
what would you do,
with regards to the few things that i thought of?
=)
and, i love quizzes on variety shows~! =D
okays,
enough of crapping,
JA~
the title reads,
"till the very end, don't give up"
it struck me..
would i be able to do this?
or would i find 101 excuses for giving up instead?
i wonder..
alright,
some random thoughts recently..
hmmm,
sometimes,
when i don't explain myself,
doesn't mean i don't bother
it's because i think that i'm already in the wrong,
i've already done something wrong..
unless it's for accounting myself to people,
i tend to not explain so much..
though somehow, i guess i'm lacking in sincerity if i do that?
so sorry.. ><
but i think,
instead of explaining so much of the cause of my mistake,
which doesn't really help,
is it okay for me to apologise,
and to learn from that mistake,
and to work on correcting things?
i wonder.. =X
and, sometimes,
when i don't ask about things,
doesn't mean i don't care anymore..
just that i thought if people around me wanted to share,
they would've shared with me,
about all the things...
if they didn't want to share,
is it okay for me not to probe or dig further?
would that be better?
and if they don't want to share,
especially about unpleasant and private stuff,
would it be better just to lend them a shoulder to cry on?
or just give them a pat on their shoulder, and sit next to them,
silently,
while they think through things?
i wonder..
and, sometimes,
when i don't share things,
when i don't say things out,
when i don't mention things,
it doesn't mean i don't trust you,
or i'm being emo,
or i'm trying to act cool/strong,
or i'm being dishonest,
when i don't share things,
it's probably cox it's unpleasant,
and i don't wanna cause people around me to worry..
because sometimes it'll make people feel helpless,
when i share unpleasant things..
because,
they would worry,
yet they can't really do anything,
and that's a horrible feeling,
so isn't it better if i didn't share in the first place?
is it okay not to say things out,
so as not to let people around me worry so much?
i wonder..
actually,
these are very simple things in life,
everyone goes through them..
was wondering if my kind of approach on things are okay?
well, many would tell me that,
there's no right and wrong in such things..
true enough, there isn't right and wrong,
but aren't we always finding right and wrong in stuff like that?
dare we say that there are no preset politically rights and wrongs?
hahas,
life's like that la,
not something we can change,
because humans are born to look at things with prejudice,
with assumptions,
as what my CATS teacher said...
it's just how we work,
how our brain work to be precise..
hmmms,
just my randomness..
what would you do,
with regards to the few things that i thought of?
=)
and, i love quizzes on variety shows~! =D
okays,
enough of crapping,
JA~
9/18/09
9/17/09
Mikazuki
Another beautiful song by Ayaka
i am addicted to Ayaka's songs,
because she simply has such a beautiful voice~
enjoy~ ^u^
ずっと一緒にいた 二人で歩いた一本道
二つに分かれて 別々の方歩いてく
寂しさで溢れたこの胸かかえて
今にも泣き出しそうな空見上げて
あなたを思った…
君がいない夜だって
そう no more cry もう泣かないよ
がんばっているからねって 強くなるからねって
君も見ているだろう
この消えそうな三日月
つながっているからねって 愛してるからねって
冷えきった手を一人で温める日々
君の温もり 恋しくて恋しくて
どれだけ電話で「好き」と言われたって
君によりかかる事はできない
涙をぬぐった…
君がいない夜だって
そう no more cry もう泣かないよ
がんばっているからねって 強くなるからねって
今度いつ会えるんだろう それまでの電池は
抱きしめながら言った あなたの愛してるの一言
君がいない夜だって
そう no more cry もう泣かないよ
がんばっているからねって 強くなるからねって
君も見ているだろう
この消えそうな三日月
つながっているからねって 愛してるからねって
三日月に手をのばした 君に届けこの思い
We were always together
The two of us walked down a straight road
Separating into two,
we walked off in our separate ways
I hold to this chest that overflowed in loneliness
Even now, I look up at a sky that seems about to cry
I thought of you…
Even in the nights without you
like that, no more cry
I won’t cry anymore
Because I’m trying my best
Because I’ll become strong
You must be watching too
This crescent moon that seems like it’ll disappear
Because we’re connecting
Because I love you
The days when I warmed my completely chilled hands by myself
I so, so yearned for your warmth
No matter how much I was told “I love you” on the phone
I couldn’t ever rely on you
I wiped my tears…
Even in the nights without you
like that, no more cry
I won’t cry anymore
Because I’m trying my best
Because I’ll become strong
Next time, when will we be able to meet, I wonder?
While embracing the batteries up until then
I said the one word that you love
Even in the nights without you
like that, no more cry
I won’t cry anymore
Because I’m trying my best
Because I’ll become strong
You must be watching too
This crescent moon that seems like it’ll disappear
Because we’re connecting
Because I love you
I stretched out my hand toward the crescent moon
Let these feelings reach you
Another beautiful song by Ayaka
i am addicted to Ayaka's songs,
because she simply has such a beautiful voice~
enjoy~ ^u^
ずっと一緒にいた 二人で歩いた一本道
二つに分かれて 別々の方歩いてく
寂しさで溢れたこの胸かかえて
今にも泣き出しそうな空見上げて
あなたを思った…
君がいない夜だって
そう no more cry もう泣かないよ
がんばっているからねって 強くなるからねって
君も見ているだろう
この消えそうな三日月
つながっているからねって 愛してるからねって
冷えきった手を一人で温める日々
君の温もり 恋しくて恋しくて
どれだけ電話で「好き」と言われたって
君によりかかる事はできない
涙をぬぐった…
君がいない夜だって
そう no more cry もう泣かないよ
がんばっているからねって 強くなるからねって
今度いつ会えるんだろう それまでの電池は
抱きしめながら言った あなたの愛してるの一言
君がいない夜だって
そう no more cry もう泣かないよ
がんばっているからねって 強くなるからねって
君も見ているだろう
この消えそうな三日月
つながっているからねって 愛してるからねって
三日月に手をのばした 君に届けこの思い
We were always together
The two of us walked down a straight road
Separating into two,
we walked off in our separate ways
I hold to this chest that overflowed in loneliness
Even now, I look up at a sky that seems about to cry
I thought of you…
Even in the nights without you
like that, no more cry
I won’t cry anymore
Because I’m trying my best
Because I’ll become strong
You must be watching too
This crescent moon that seems like it’ll disappear
Because we’re connecting
Because I love you
The days when I warmed my completely chilled hands by myself
I so, so yearned for your warmth
No matter how much I was told “I love you” on the phone
I couldn’t ever rely on you
I wiped my tears…
Even in the nights without you
like that, no more cry
I won’t cry anymore
Because I’m trying my best
Because I’ll become strong
Next time, when will we be able to meet, I wonder?
While embracing the batteries up until then
I said the one word that you love
Even in the nights without you
like that, no more cry
I won’t cry anymore
Because I’m trying my best
Because I’ll become strong
You must be watching too
This crescent moon that seems like it’ll disappear
Because we’re connecting
Because I love you
I stretched out my hand toward the crescent moon
Let these feelings reach you
Ayaka
she has a really beautiful voice..
but sad to say, she has basedow disease,
whereby her throat might get affected,
and her neck might swell,
which means to say that she might not be able to sing next time,
if her treatment doesn't go well..
and even if she recovers, you never know,
she might not be able to sing as well..
haix.. it's really such a waste..
when she has such a beautiful voice..
and by the way, she is the wife of Mizushima Hiro..
and they totally deserves each other..
hahas =)
here's the lyrics to a sweet song, aka Absolute Boyfriend's theme song, aka my blog song, enjoy it.. it's a really nice song! =D
Okaeri -- Ayaka
おかえり sweet home
帰る場所 愛をありがとう
まだ平気なフリをして
悲しみの色を塗りつぶして
笑ってしまうんです
信じることの大切さ わかってるのに
いざという時 疑ってしまうんです
空っぽの体 流れる時に
浮いてしまいそうになるけど
あなたのこと 抱きしめたい
このキモチが突き動かすの
おかえり I'm home
一言で 満たされる心
おかえり sweet home
帰る場所 愛をありがとう sweet home
自分のことばかりを考える
大人はずるいんだと思っていたんです
でも必死で帰ることを 叫んでる人
もいるんだと やっと知ったんです
当たり 前の 幸せなんか
この世界に一つもない
あなたのため そう思えた
このキモチが突き動かすの
おかえり I'm home
スピードが加速してく毎日
おかえり sweet home
変わらない ずっとある景色 sweet home
探して なくした
心の傷が 立ち向かう強さに変われたのは
｢おかえり｣があったから
おかえり I'm home
一言で 満たされる心
おかえり sweet home
帰る場所 愛をありがとう
おかえり I'm home
大丈夫 あなたがいるから
おかえり sweet home
待っててね もうすぐ着くから sweet home
Welcome home, sweet home
A place to go home to (yeah)
Thanks for your love
Pretending to be alright again
to paint out the color of sadness
I just laugh it off
The importance of believing
Even if I understand it
Well, there are times when I still doubt
Times when my empty body
just flows by
It makes me want to just lie down, but
I just want to hold you
These feelings stab through me so I can move on
Welcome home, I'm home
With one word my heart is satisfied
Welcome home, sweet home
A place to go home to (yeah)
Thanks for your love
Sweet home
I used to believe adults think
only of themselves and they are cunning
But there are people desperately trying to go back
Even screaming out loud
I finally realized that
There is no such thing as
one natural happiness in this world
For your sake, I was able to realize that
By carrying these feelings,
I can move on
Welcome home, I'm home
Accelerating the speed of everyday
Welcome home, Sweet home
There will always be this unchanging scenery
Sweet home
Searching for the missing
wound in my heart
The thing that made me fight and go on
Was because there was a “welcome home”
Welcome home, I'm home
With one word my heart is satisfied
Welcome home, sweet home
where love
has a place to go home to (yeah)
Thank for your love
Welcome home, I'm home
It’s alright because you are here
Welcome home, sweet home
keep waiting, because I’m arriving soon
Sweet home
oh yeah
Welcome home… sweet home
she has a really beautiful voice..
but sad to say, she has basedow disease,
whereby her throat might get affected,
and her neck might swell,
which means to say that she might not be able to sing next time,
if her treatment doesn't go well..
and even if she recovers, you never know,
she might not be able to sing as well..
haix.. it's really such a waste..
when she has such a beautiful voice..
and by the way, she is the wife of Mizushima Hiro..
and they totally deserves each other..
hahas =)
here's the lyrics to a sweet song, aka Absolute Boyfriend's theme song, aka my blog song, enjoy it.. it's a really nice song! =D
Okaeri -- Ayaka
おかえり sweet home
帰る場所 愛をありがとう
まだ平気なフリをして
悲しみの色を塗りつぶして
笑ってしまうんです
信じることの大切さ わかってるのに
いざという時 疑ってしまうんです
空っぽの体 流れる時に
浮いてしまいそうになるけど
あなたのこと 抱きしめたい
このキモチが突き動かすの
おかえり I'm home
一言で 満たされる心
おかえり sweet home
帰る場所 愛をありがとう sweet home
自分のことばかりを考える
大人はずるいんだと思っていたんです
でも必死で帰ることを 叫んでる人
もいるんだと やっと知ったんです
当たり 前の 幸せなんか
この世界に一つもない
あなたのため そう思えた
このキモチが突き動かすの
おかえり I'm home
スピードが加速してく毎日
おかえり sweet home
変わらない ずっとある景色 sweet home
探して なくした
心の傷が 立ち向かう強さに変われたのは
｢おかえり｣があったから
おかえり I'm home
一言で 満たされる心
おかえり sweet home
帰る場所 愛をありがとう
おかえり I'm home
大丈夫 あなたがいるから
おかえり sweet home
待っててね もうすぐ着くから sweet home
Welcome home, sweet home
A place to go home to (yeah)
Thanks for your love
Pretending to be alright again
to paint out the color of sadness
I just laugh it off
The importance of believing
Even if I understand it
Well, there are times when I still doubt
Times when my empty body
just flows by
It makes me want to just lie down, but
I just want to hold you
These feelings stab through me so I can move on
Welcome home, I'm home
With one word my heart is satisfied
Welcome home, sweet home
A place to go home to (yeah)
Thanks for your love
Sweet home
I used to believe adults think
only of themselves and they are cunning
But there are people desperately trying to go back
Even screaming out loud
I finally realized that
There is no such thing as
one natural happiness in this world
For your sake, I was able to realize that
By carrying these feelings,
I can move on
Welcome home, I'm home
Accelerating the speed of everyday
Welcome home, Sweet home
There will always be this unchanging scenery
Sweet home
Searching for the missing
wound in my heart
The thing that made me fight and go on
Was because there was a “welcome home”
Welcome home, I'm home
With one word my heart is satisfied
Welcome home, sweet home
where love
has a place to go home to (yeah)
Thank for your love
Welcome home, I'm home
It’s alright because you are here
Welcome home, sweet home
keep waiting, because I’m arriving soon
Sweet home
oh yeah
Welcome home… sweet home
9/16/09
We Should be kinder?
Finished Watching Zettai Kareshi (aka Absolute Boyfriend)..
and it's complicated as a story..
but i would say that it is a painful love story..
and i find that the script writer doesn't have a heart..
really inhumane..
because, Mizushima Hiro's role, as the non-robot real guy, Asamoto Soshi, who loved the girl,
is really painfully being used..
i'm not being bias..
but, it's like, she liked him initially..
but ever since she really fell in love with the robot,
then she began to be like looking for Soshi ONLY after she lost the robot..
when Soshi whole-heartedly loves her and only her all the while..
which is like, so mean to Soshi..
i'd rather she didn't go to Soshi after the robot is gone..
that'd make her more humane..
or rather, she could've cleared up her feelings,
before going onto start a relationship with Soshi..
that'd be nicer..
haix..
but i guess maybe that refelcts how all humans are..
choosing the next in line..
hmmm,
and i've seen such cases in my life,
people around me..
well, their's not that extreme, because both parties are doing that..
eh, wait, okay, maybe that's worse.. =X
well,
even in friendship..
we, the humans, are forever doing this..
example like your best friend is not free,
then you'd look for someone else to accompany you..
i think i myself have done it before too..
sorry about that.. ><
another thing to hate myself for..
and i shall not do it anymore..
haix..
anyways, my opinion is that,
i don't agree with this kinda thing..
or rather i don't like this kinda thing..
=X
sadly, maybe that makes me an anti-social person?
but nevertheless,
i'd want to become someone,
who treats everyone properly..
like i'd go for outings together with you because i want to,
not cox i couldn't go out with my other friend etc etc..
^u^
okays,
enough of my crap..
i shall get to work..
been slacking too much already.. =X
JA~
Finished Watching Zettai Kareshi (aka Absolute Boyfriend)..
and it's complicated as a story..
but i would say that it is a painful love story..
and i find that the script writer doesn't have a heart..
really inhumane..
because, Mizushima Hiro's role, as the non-robot real guy, Asamoto Soshi, who loved the girl,
is really painfully being used..
i'm not being bias..
but, it's like, she liked him initially..
but ever since she really fell in love with the robot,
then she began to be like looking for Soshi ONLY after she lost the robot..
when Soshi whole-heartedly loves her and only her all the while..
which is like, so mean to Soshi..
i'd rather she didn't go to Soshi after the robot is gone..
that'd make her more humane..
or rather, she could've cleared up her feelings,
before going onto start a relationship with Soshi..
that'd be nicer..
haix..
but i guess maybe that refelcts how all humans are..
choosing the next in line..
hmmm,
and i've seen such cases in my life,
people around me..
well, their's not that extreme, because both parties are doing that..
eh, wait, okay, maybe that's worse.. =X
well,
even in friendship..
we, the humans, are forever doing this..
example like your best friend is not free,
then you'd look for someone else to accompany you..
i think i myself have done it before too..
sorry about that.. ><
another thing to hate myself for..
and i shall not do it anymore..
haix..
anyways, my opinion is that,
i don't agree with this kinda thing..
or rather i don't like this kinda thing..
=X
sadly, maybe that makes me an anti-social person?
but nevertheless,
i'd want to become someone,
who treats everyone properly..
like i'd go for outings together with you because i want to,
not cox i couldn't go out with my other friend etc etc..
^u^
okays,
enough of my crap..
i shall get to work..
been slacking too much already.. =X
JA~
9/15/09
i wonder what kind of impression i leave on others?
i was thinking, maybe i leave the impression that i'm materialistic?
as in, i am the show-off kind that treats ranks, achievements as things that are quite important? do you think that of me?
why i suddenly thought of this,
was cox of some reactions i got recently..
hahas..
cox i did tell people that i didn't get best trainee..
and maybe they thought i'm rather upset about it?
truth is,
i think not getting it doesn't really affect me a lot..
and i feel that the 10 of my coursemates who were best trainees,
they totally deserve to get..
yes, like TOTALLY.. =)
and, not trying to show off,
but i once got best trainee,
in ANCO,
and then,
after that,
a lot of things happened,
which made me feel like such a brat..
so it's like, that best trainee wasn't all that good an experience for me..
and on top of that,
back then,
i came to know that i didn't get that best trainee 100% based on my abilities,
it felt saddening,
and guilty..
but at the same time,
i felt something else,
=)
so don't worry people,
because for the OTC best trainee,
no doubt i set out on OTC journey with it in mind,
but i sorta gave up on best trainee after the camp phase..
as you people would and should know what happened,
or rather what are the few things that happened that affected me..
i felt that i wasn't someone worthy of best trainee..
because,
no matter how you look at things,
what actually happened,
made me have the self-awareness that i have to work on the way i do things,
because the way i do things,
is really sucky..
totally CMI..
so don't worry,
i'm not upset..
and here,
i would like to congratulate the following people:
-Denise
-Jia Jie
-Chang Yu
-Han Ying
-Rachel
-Stanley
-Yi Hang
-Mavin
-Wei Hao
-Hon Qi
for being the top 10, 17/09's best trainees..
you people rock~
17/09 rocks~
let's continue, as the new officers, and work hard towards the same ultimate goal!
jia you jia you! =D
i was thinking, maybe i leave the impression that i'm materialistic?
as in, i am the show-off kind that treats ranks, achievements as things that are quite important? do you think that of me?
why i suddenly thought of this,
was cox of some reactions i got recently..
hahas..
cox i did tell people that i didn't get best trainee..
and maybe they thought i'm rather upset about it?
truth is,
i think not getting it doesn't really affect me a lot..
and i feel that the 10 of my coursemates who were best trainees,
they totally deserve to get..
yes, like TOTALLY.. =)
and, not trying to show off,
but i once got best trainee,
in ANCO,
and then,
after that,
a lot of things happened,
which made me feel like such a brat..
so it's like, that best trainee wasn't all that good an experience for me..
and on top of that,
back then,
i came to know that i didn't get that best trainee 100% based on my abilities,
it felt saddening,
and guilty..
but at the same time,
i felt something else,
=)
so don't worry people,
because for the OTC best trainee,
no doubt i set out on OTC journey with it in mind,
but i sorta gave up on best trainee after the camp phase..
as you people would and should know what happened,
or rather what are the few things that happened that affected me..
i felt that i wasn't someone worthy of best trainee..
because,
no matter how you look at things,
what actually happened,
made me have the self-awareness that i have to work on the way i do things,
because the way i do things,
is really sucky..
totally CMI..
so don't worry,
i'm not upset..
and here,
i would like to congratulate the following people:
-Denise
-Jia Jie
-Chang Yu
-Han Ying
-Rachel
-Stanley
-Yi Hang
-Mavin
-Wei Hao
-Hon Qi
for being the top 10, 17/09's best trainees..
you people rock~
17/09 rocks~
let's continue, as the new officers, and work hard towards the same ultimate goal!
jia you jia you! =D
9/12/09
My SJAB Story 2005-present
I joined SJ for one of the weirdest reason,
like, cox i didn't want to admit defeat to my sis saying that
"you can never survive in SJ"
i would have her to thank, that i am in SJ now..
=)
and then,
slowly, began to become an over-enthusiastic and extra idiot,
probably because i was such a show-off..
trained myself to do standard push-ups etc..
then, i was the kind that went home straight after trg etc,
so, rather much, i was an anti-social idiot.. =X
and i think, i am really hated..
cox of the way i do things..
i was seriously such a brat =X
hmmm..
then,
as sec ones,
we were always told that we are much worse than our sec 2s seniors...
but then,
there were the fun times too,
like how we were trained in different ways every different training,
making us want to come back for more..
and then, the officers and NCOs treat us in a different way as how they treat my cadets now..
we were grilled etc,
we were trained to be in the school's NDP GOH..
even those who are not in the actual contingent had to be trained and trained and trained, the same way the contingent was trained..
i wasn't in the contingent btw,
i wasn't one of the potentials.. hahas =)
but outside of training,
the fun we had was much more fun too!
back then, we just followed what we were told..
it was so, simple i would say..
and the ATC,
was, an eye-opener for me back then..
Sir Teo told us to continue doing push-ups till we are told to stop,
wonders what made us continue doing back then..
and the rope elements,
and the silent night trail..
looking back,
i see a lot of flaws in my character..
like how i was someone who wasn't supportive,
and many others..
but slowly, i learned how to control myself, how to behave properly, how to think before i do things or say stuff..
at the end of sec 1, 11 of us got promoted,
that was my first rank, my favourite rank, LCP.. =)
then in sec 2,
we were called seniors,
we were told, that in itself, is a responsibility,
and it is indeed..
even though it seems like a minor role,
but only after becoming NCO,
did i see the importance of that role...
=)
we had FDC back then,
and i wasn't in it,
but i was the substitute..
came for every training, trained at the side etc,
in the end, i wasn't good enough either,
so didn't get in eventually..
was in NC3'06 for FAC..
it was a horrible experience,
emotionally wise..
because we were lead by this senior,
and although i might have been giving attitude,
but somehow, i think i was picked on..
because every single thing seems to be my fault..
i wonder why back then..
and now i knew why..
but nevertheless,
it's over so it's alright,
and i would say it's thanks to her that,
i know how to be someone who continues on though it hurts,
someone who can put on a strong front..
well, in the end, the result of the comp,
our team got 3rd in First Aid Case..
then in june, 4 of my squadmates got promoted to CPL,
out of the 20 of us,
obviously, i wasn't one of them..
hahas =)
and then, we were told that we were worse than our sec 1 juniors
had ATC in June this time..
was, alright i guess?
similar to the sec 1 one,
but less impactful..
then in july, intake'04 took over..
had a major uproar over one of them..
who went overboard with getting us to fall in,
and scolding and punishing..
she wasn't our commander,
and she made us fall in every single day of the week,
on the first week that she took over..
we nearly quit as a whole intake,
and it's really nearly..
and we started skipping trainings,
and then every training we'd see like 3 or 4 of our squadmates down there..
to the extend that,
our ex-commander has to come down to talk to us..
hahas,
looking back now,
we were too much..
but so is she.. =X
then at the end of the year,
had FDI course..
it wasn't easy,
i would never forget the memorable training that we were told to shout to nicoll highway,
and when one of us cried.. =X
was allowed to go cox one of my squadmate wasn't able to go..
it's a pattern you see here,
cox i wasn't one of the potential ones,
so when they have courses or competition,
i would be considered after the good ones..
but i guess all of these,
made me cherish the chances that i have even more..
because i don't always get them..
but sad to say,
this course was one that i didn't complete..
erm, let's see,
it's the only course in my SJ life that i took but didn't complete.. =X
but we made the decisions ourselves,
and the trainings has been a good experience.. =)
then end of year,
was the first time i went to ZPN..
hahas, was fun.. =)
then comes sec 3..
we had a change of 1 commander..
they had a change in their posts..
this was when trainings went a bit haywire..
cox,
some NCOs were not able to come down,
and then we were supposed to have our ANCO preparation..
seeing that with our own eyes,
it was kinda scary..
but thankfully, graduated seniors came back to train us,
so i guess we were prepared for ANCO.. =)
around the same time,
was approached by one of my NCOs to go for Sin Ma..
she was supposed to go..
but she couldn't commit as she had studies to cope..
was rather shocked that she'd approach me..
but then,
after that, i did came to know that actually one of the potential ones were considered alongside 2 of my NCOs,
just that all 3 of them didn't wanna go..
but i was grateful for this experience..
undergoing all the trainings,
i learned a lot,
and i would say that my first aid improved from there..
alot alot..
and i made so many friends,
some of who i met again this year
it was really a very precious memory.. =)
and i was able to go for FAC,
also because of Sin Ma..
in NC2'07
but then
leading the whole team that consists of only my squadmates,
i sucked at leadership,
and then didn't lead the team well,
so result of the FAC,
turned out to be 3rd overall for Footdrill category,
and nothing else..
but it was nice to have been in the team together..
and through this team, i became on better terms with some of my squadmates too.. =)
then, Sin Ma's mock comp, was on FAC day,
so i did the whole process of the competition twice on that day..
hahas =)
oh, and Sin Ma was held in Malaysia,
and it was terrifying and petrifying,
because we were like showcase exhibits,
doing the cases in a hall
that had seats like a stadium..
a sports hall i think..
so everyone were watching us,
though not a lot of people,
but it wasn't a familiar environment..
but in the end,
NA and NC won champion..
though it might have been "editted" results,
but i think we did our best..
esp for Footdrill..
cox we did the footdrill without timing! =)
then had ANCO,
it's a wonderful experience as well..
obviously, i cheonged for best trainee..
but not at the expense of others la..
and, managed to get, cox of help from everyone.. =)
but then, after the course,
got to know that i get it not entirely because i did well,
i felt sad..
and guilty..
because the other person is a nice guy,
and he still is.. =)
then took over as NCOs..
became a SGT,
but totally don't feel myself living up to it..
intake'05 became closer than before ANCO..
it was so nice that we were on better terms as a batch =)
hmmms,
but, as expected of a squad of 1 guy, 19 girls,
problems arises easier..
i wouldn't say much,
but the problems we faced left a deep impression on me,
and made me realise how much i failed,
and how childish i am..
hahas..
attended ZPN as well,
and it was nicer compared to before,
as it was a parade,
and also,
knew more people.. =)
had Amazing Race Camp,
the epic slackest camp in GESS SJAB..
but, it was an experience worth going through! =)
and on to sec 4..
became a CL,
but it sucks,
the feeling sucks,
because i am not up to it,
and the rank
feels worthless,
like it was given out just like that, though i didn't do a good job,
though i didn't do enough..
but,
it was a memorable year,
with the handing over parade for UGs,
marching in NDP and SJ day as commander,
handing over to intake'06,
having UG open house,
had FAC again,
same as sec 3, whole team was my intake's
results of it,
got 2nd in Footdrill,
the first NA trophy for GESS.. =)
going back to ANCO..
ANCO was a day course,
and it was so frustrating..
haix..
but okay la..
and then i went on to preparations for 080808..
cool sia, intake'05 passed out on 080808.. ^u^
hmmms,
then stayed on a bit longer,
then went to study for Os..
then came back for ATC..
it was a nice experience,
because really had fun in the camp!
and it was a nice gathering for intake'05 as well =)
and then on to this year,
started going for Zone Meetings..
and had March Camp..
it was, i would say,
epic failure of a camp..
cox it was entirely planned by yours truly..
and everything is just, haix..
but thanks to everyone who came down,
and helped out so much..
=)
and went for ANCO this year as well..
it was a nice expeerience!!!
the Pulau Ubin challenge!!!
and started feeling old..
cox of all the kids..
hahas~
but had a lot of fun,
and felt a little bit of satisfaction..
hahas =)
now on to the major part:
OTC'09
asked to be allowed to got for OTC..
and handled the application stuff myself..
wells, i bugged my officers and seniors a lot to go for OTC..
sorry about that..
but this is one big motivational force for me in OTC..
it is a life-changing experience for me...
i learned, a lot a lot a lot from this course..
in a way, the course helped changed parts my character,
and my emotions management...
and it made me a braver person,
because i learned how to ask questions when it was necessary..
i learned that there's no wrong in voicing out,
and on top of that,
i learned that before you voice out,
you have to think first...
if you are being reasonable,
there's nothing wrong with voicing out for what is necessary..
learned how to control my emotions,
and learned how to not hate..
learned how to be there for others,
learned how to be the energy provider..
and i found an aspiration..
to become the sunshine for others..
learned how to believe,
learned how to hold on,
what i believe now is that,
stay for those who care, those who you care for, and not leave for those who don't..
learned to cherish,
learned a lot a lot a lot..
i know some people hate me,
and i am aware of the badmouthing by some people who i thought, in their position, they wouldn't badmouth..
and i didn't expect things to escalate to the extend of badmouthing..
didn't expect..
would've respected you more if you didn't badmouth..
but you did..
but nevertheless,
i don't hate you,
because of you, i learned that things aren't all nice everytime,
because of you, i learned to appreciate the meaning of 得饶人处且饶人..
though i am not in the position to do that, but at least i learned..
throughout this course,
i also found the importance of love, for my sister that is.. =)
throughout this whole course,
we argued, we discussed, we laughed..
i got pissed at stupid stuff,
she got pissed at stupid stuff..
but i think we got closer..
and it's all thanks to OTC.. =)
although we passed out,
although we are now officers,
but i still think that,
that rank doesn't change my attitude towards others,
the rank doesn't change my attitude towards things,
the rank doesn't make me a level higher than others,
the rank is there, because we earned it together,
93 of us in OTC, earned it together,
and also,
it signifies the taking on of responsibilities,
and,
from now onwards,
there's still loads more i need to learn,
there's still many things ahead that i have to do,
and i hope the road goes on forever..
i don't want to stop,
at all =)
and though not everything would be pleasant,
and this would be painful at times,
and difficult..
but i will go on,
because i am from OTC 17/09...
and because i am who i am..
let's keep going on,
don't stop...
and the story continues~
=)
I joined SJ for one of the weirdest reason,
like, cox i didn't want to admit defeat to my sis saying that
"you can never survive in SJ"
i would have her to thank, that i am in SJ now..
=)
and then,
slowly, began to become an over-enthusiastic and extra idiot,
probably because i was such a show-off..
trained myself to do standard push-ups etc..
then, i was the kind that went home straight after trg etc,
so, rather much, i was an anti-social idiot.. =X
and i think, i am really hated..
cox of the way i do things..
i was seriously such a brat =X
hmmm..
then,
as sec ones,
we were always told that we are much worse than our sec 2s seniors...
but then,
there were the fun times too,
like how we were trained in different ways every different training,
making us want to come back for more..
and then, the officers and NCOs treat us in a different way as how they treat my cadets now..
we were grilled etc,
we were trained to be in the school's NDP GOH..
even those who are not in the actual contingent had to be trained and trained and trained, the same way the contingent was trained..
i wasn't in the contingent btw,
i wasn't one of the potentials.. hahas =)
but outside of training,
the fun we had was much more fun too!
back then, we just followed what we were told..
it was so, simple i would say..
and the ATC,
was, an eye-opener for me back then..
Sir Teo told us to continue doing push-ups till we are told to stop,
wonders what made us continue doing back then..
and the rope elements,
and the silent night trail..
looking back,
i see a lot of flaws in my character..
like how i was someone who wasn't supportive,
and many others..
but slowly, i learned how to control myself, how to behave properly, how to think before i do things or say stuff..
at the end of sec 1, 11 of us got promoted,
that was my first rank, my favourite rank, LCP.. =)
then in sec 2,
we were called seniors,
we were told, that in itself, is a responsibility,
and it is indeed..
even though it seems like a minor role,
but only after becoming NCO,
did i see the importance of that role...
=)
we had FDC back then,
and i wasn't in it,
but i was the substitute..
came for every training, trained at the side etc,
in the end, i wasn't good enough either,
so didn't get in eventually..
was in NC3'06 for FAC..
it was a horrible experience,
emotionally wise..
because we were lead by this senior,
and although i might have been giving attitude,
but somehow, i think i was picked on..
because every single thing seems to be my fault..
i wonder why back then..
and now i knew why..
but nevertheless,
it's over so it's alright,
and i would say it's thanks to her that,
i know how to be someone who continues on though it hurts,
someone who can put on a strong front..
well, in the end, the result of the comp,
our team got 3rd in First Aid Case..
then in june, 4 of my squadmates got promoted to CPL,
out of the 20 of us,
obviously, i wasn't one of them..
hahas =)
and then, we were told that we were worse than our sec 1 juniors
had ATC in June this time..
was, alright i guess?
similar to the sec 1 one,
but less impactful..
then in july, intake'04 took over..
had a major uproar over one of them..
who went overboard with getting us to fall in,
and scolding and punishing..
she wasn't our commander,
and she made us fall in every single day of the week,
on the first week that she took over..
we nearly quit as a whole intake,
and it's really nearly..
and we started skipping trainings,
and then every training we'd see like 3 or 4 of our squadmates down there..
to the extend that,
our ex-commander has to come down to talk to us..
hahas,
looking back now,
we were too much..
but so is she.. =X
then at the end of the year,
had FDI course..
it wasn't easy,
i would never forget the memorable training that we were told to shout to nicoll highway,
and when one of us cried.. =X
was allowed to go cox one of my squadmate wasn't able to go..
it's a pattern you see here,
cox i wasn't one of the potential ones,
so when they have courses or competition,
i would be considered after the good ones..
but i guess all of these,
made me cherish the chances that i have even more..
because i don't always get them..
but sad to say,
this course was one that i didn't complete..
erm, let's see,
it's the only course in my SJ life that i took but didn't complete.. =X
but we made the decisions ourselves,
and the trainings has been a good experience.. =)
then end of year,
was the first time i went to ZPN..
hahas, was fun.. =)
then comes sec 3..
we had a change of 1 commander..
they had a change in their posts..
this was when trainings went a bit haywire..
cox,
some NCOs were not able to come down,
and then we were supposed to have our ANCO preparation..
seeing that with our own eyes,
it was kinda scary..
but thankfully, graduated seniors came back to train us,
so i guess we were prepared for ANCO.. =)
around the same time,
was approached by one of my NCOs to go for Sin Ma..
she was supposed to go..
but she couldn't commit as she had studies to cope..
was rather shocked that she'd approach me..
but then,
after that, i did came to know that actually one of the potential ones were considered alongside 2 of my NCOs,
just that all 3 of them didn't wanna go..
but i was grateful for this experience..
undergoing all the trainings,
i learned a lot,
and i would say that my first aid improved from there..
alot alot..
and i made so many friends,
some of who i met again this year
it was really a very precious memory.. =)
and i was able to go for FAC,
also because of Sin Ma..
in NC2'07
but then
leading the whole team that consists of only my squadmates,
i sucked at leadership,
and then didn't lead the team well,
so result of the FAC,
turned out to be 3rd overall for Footdrill category,
and nothing else..
but it was nice to have been in the team together..
and through this team, i became on better terms with some of my squadmates too.. =)
then, Sin Ma's mock comp, was on FAC day,
so i did the whole process of the competition twice on that day..
hahas =)
oh, and Sin Ma was held in Malaysia,
and it was terrifying and petrifying,
because we were like showcase exhibits,
doing the cases in a hall
that had seats like a stadium..
a sports hall i think..
so everyone were watching us,
though not a lot of people,
but it wasn't a familiar environment..
but in the end,
NA and NC won champion..
though it might have been "editted" results,
but i think we did our best..
esp for Footdrill..
cox we did the footdrill without timing! =)
then had ANCO,
it's a wonderful experience as well..
obviously, i cheonged for best trainee..
but not at the expense of others la..
and, managed to get, cox of help from everyone.. =)
but then, after the course,
got to know that i get it not entirely because i did well,
i felt sad..
and guilty..
because the other person is a nice guy,
and he still is.. =)
then took over as NCOs..
became a SGT,
but totally don't feel myself living up to it..
intake'05 became closer than before ANCO..
it was so nice that we were on better terms as a batch =)
hmmms,
but, as expected of a squad of 1 guy, 19 girls,
problems arises easier..
i wouldn't say much,
but the problems we faced left a deep impression on me,
and made me realise how much i failed,
and how childish i am..
hahas..
attended ZPN as well,
and it was nicer compared to before,
as it was a parade,
and also,
knew more people.. =)
had Amazing Race Camp,
the epic slackest camp in GESS SJAB..
but, it was an experience worth going through! =)
and on to sec 4..
became a CL,
but it sucks,
the feeling sucks,
because i am not up to it,
and the rank
feels worthless,
like it was given out just like that, though i didn't do a good job,
though i didn't do enough..
but,
it was a memorable year,
with the handing over parade for UGs,
marching in NDP and SJ day as commander,
handing over to intake'06,
having UG open house,
had FAC again,
same as sec 3, whole team was my intake's
results of it,
got 2nd in Footdrill,
the first NA trophy for GESS.. =)
going back to ANCO..
ANCO was a day course,
and it was so frustrating..
haix..
but okay la..
and then i went on to preparations for 080808..
cool sia, intake'05 passed out on 080808.. ^u^
hmmms,
then stayed on a bit longer,
then went to study for Os..
then came back for ATC..
it was a nice experience,
because really had fun in the camp!
and it was a nice gathering for intake'05 as well =)
and then on to this year,
started going for Zone Meetings..
and had March Camp..
it was, i would say,
epic failure of a camp..
cox it was entirely planned by yours truly..
and everything is just, haix..
but thanks to everyone who came down,
and helped out so much..
=)
and went for ANCO this year as well..
it was a nice expeerience!!!
the Pulau Ubin challenge!!!
and started feeling old..
cox of all the kids..
hahas~
but had a lot of fun,
and felt a little bit of satisfaction..
hahas =)
now on to the major part:
OTC'09
asked to be allowed to got for OTC..
and handled the application stuff myself..
wells, i bugged my officers and seniors a lot to go for OTC..
sorry about that..
but this is one big motivational force for me in OTC..
it is a life-changing experience for me...
i learned, a lot a lot a lot from this course..
in a way, the course helped changed parts my character,
and my emotions management...
and it made me a braver person,
because i learned how to ask questions when it was necessary..
i learned that there's no wrong in voicing out,
and on top of that,
i learned that before you voice out,
you have to think first...
if you are being reasonable,
there's nothing wrong with voicing out for what is necessary..
learned how to control my emotions,
and learned how to not hate..
learned how to be there for others,
learned how to be the energy provider..
and i found an aspiration..
to become the sunshine for others..
learned how to believe,
learned how to hold on,
what i believe now is that,
stay for those who care, those who you care for, and not leave for those who don't..
learned to cherish,
learned a lot a lot a lot..
i know some people hate me,
and i am aware of the badmouthing by some people who i thought, in their position, they wouldn't badmouth..
and i didn't expect things to escalate to the extend of badmouthing..
didn't expect..
would've respected you more if you didn't badmouth..
but you did..
but nevertheless,
i don't hate you,
because of you, i learned that things aren't all nice everytime,
because of you, i learned to appreciate the meaning of 得饶人处且饶人..
though i am not in the position to do that, but at least i learned..
throughout this course,
i also found the importance of love, for my sister that is.. =)
throughout this whole course,
we argued, we discussed, we laughed..
i got pissed at stupid stuff,
she got pissed at stupid stuff..
but i think we got closer..
and it's all thanks to OTC.. =)
although we passed out,
although we are now officers,
but i still think that,
that rank doesn't change my attitude towards others,
the rank doesn't change my attitude towards things,
the rank doesn't make me a level higher than others,
the rank is there, because we earned it together,
93 of us in OTC, earned it together,
and also,
it signifies the taking on of responsibilities,
and,
from now onwards,
there's still loads more i need to learn,
there's still many things ahead that i have to do,
and i hope the road goes on forever..
i don't want to stop,
at all =)
and though not everything would be pleasant,
and this would be painful at times,
and difficult..
but i will go on,
because i am from OTC 17/09...
and because i am who i am..
let's keep going on,
don't stop...
and the story continues~
=)
9/11/09
i am really really addicted to My Sunshine~
it's like,
i've been listening to it only since wed?
xD
it's really nice,
and i never get tired of it~ =D
and then,
i am trying very hard to rmb "We Are One"
=X
went for the Crime Prevention Course with the kids..
then had lunch with some of the Sec 3s..
really nice,
before this, i think i never really had any meals with this many Sec 3s?
unless you count in camps, which is 0_0
anyways,
thanks for the meal together kids! =D
gonna iron my full u,
and polish my boots,
then complete BF18,
then complete the other portion of the things i have been doing~
tmr's gonna be a logn day,
shall drink more water~
"aitakute, aitakute~"
JA~
it's like,
i've been listening to it only since wed?
xD
it's really nice,
and i never get tired of it~ =D
and then,
i am trying very hard to rmb "We Are One"
=X
went for the Crime Prevention Course with the kids..
then had lunch with some of the Sec 3s..
really nice,
before this, i think i never really had any meals with this many Sec 3s?
unless you count in camps, which is 0_0
anyways,
thanks for the meal together kids! =D
gonna iron my full u,
and polish my boots,
then complete BF18,
then complete the other portion of the things i have been doing~
tmr's gonna be a logn day,
shall drink more water~
"aitakute, aitakute~"
JA~
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