benevolence.
the one word GESS needs now, as a school.

Hana Yori Dango


Finally finished watching HanaYoriDango, HanaYoriDangoReturns, HanaYoriDangoFinal!
finished it yesterday..
and i would say,
out of the 3 versions,
no doubt, in terms of details, looks etc,
Korean definitely wins hands down,
but i like the way Tsukushi is,
and the handling of emotions,
and the onscreen chemistry,
and the stupids hints and suggesting sth vibe
of the japanese version..
and MatsuJun is prolly the most maniactic Domyouji there is...
HAHA~ XDDDDD
but he expressed the character's emotions well too~~~
and i TOTALLY love how Tsukushi remains strong,
even after she knows there are ppl there for her,
unlike JanDi, who somehow
became rather weak? =X
HanaDan is damn good!!!!
watch it if you can!! =DDD




A R A S H I


and recently,
i've been listening to nothing but Arashi!!!!!
Arashi Arashi for DREAM~~~~!
LOLOLOL~~~~~
i realised that Arashi really satisfy everyone...
they've gotta various different style of songs..
it's interesting to listen to them~~~
xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
they are reaching 30, yet so hot!
HAHAHAHA =P
listen to Arashi kkk??? =3333333



R E C E N T


hmmmm,
recently, celebrated Ming Jie's birthday,
ate so much,
then on that same day,
went to PB's BBQ+ORD+Campfire..
did a lot of sai kang, which is the only thing i can do for them,
and talked and laughed a lot..
STUPID SWEEHONG!
ROFL LOR.....
he, said a lot of stupid stuff...
makes ppl laugh till no strength to carry stuff... HAHAHAHA
but had fun..
Thanks loads!!!! =))))))))))
and,
Mr Baka #1 is already 17!
finally..
Happy Birthday! =)
too bad you didn't get to see Lee Min Ho..
HAHA =P

hmmmm,
2009 is coming to an end,
but the things i have to do is piling up and increasing..
LOL...
okay,
gotta go..
JA~

K Y O U


today, had ASTATs and BF test,
i can already be certain about my results.
LOL..

thanks Buin for the present,
my 1st xmas present for 2009...
although both Phoebemama and i already knew what you would get,
but i really like the present! xDDDDDDD
will pass you your peacock soon as promised!!! xDDDDDD

and then,
a series of photos appeared on facebook,
one of them looked like this:





brings back loads of memories..
and hamster was goddamn small sized back then,
and he still is!
haha =P
it's been 2 years,
how's everyone doing?
and that,
made me think of sinma'07 too..
how are you guys doing?
ahhh~
i'm getting so nostalgic..
haha~ =P

and i would like to talk about platoon 4..
under the 英明领导(this is self proclaimed by him =X) of Kah Meng Sir,
we got the best platoon back then..
and best platoon we are,
ppl who went to OTC this year,
Yi Jing, Jing Wei, Hong Lip, Cheung Weng, Keng Hui, Me,
were all from platoon 4.. =)
and then, next year going, Aaron Seah Pheng Loong!
hopefully maybe more P4'07s will go also?
^u^
i am proud to say that i came from P4'07,
bam bam warriors! =DDDDDDDDDDDD

and speaking of that,
i hope i can be PC4 in ANCO~
yes, i am certain i am going,
and i think i'm gonna fight to be PC4..
hahaha..
i hope i can bring up a bunch of ppl,
who would come back like us..

okay,
meanwhile,
i shall go cheong my Hana Yori Dango!!!!
xDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
JA~

D E C I D E D


i decided that i shall not use SJ as external CCA for poly anymore..
though up until now i was rather certain i would use SJ as external CCA,
what made me arrive at this decision is
1. the process is damn long and irritating, and there's not much time left to apply, and it's troublesome, and there's no point wasting time on it
2. SJ is not just a CCA
3. I didn't stayed on in SJ for it to be a CCA, and i NEVER want to feel that "it's for the CCA points" or "i need to do this and that cox it's CCA", NO. i dun want.

so 3 major reasons, i decided SJ is not my external CCA anymore.
so right now, i can stand tall and proudly say in ANYONE's face that i am serving SJ, literally.
Ting Xin is happy because that's a load off my shoulders..
been thinking about this matter for a while..
SJ would purely be my commitment and my love as of this moment. ^u^

B A D


i suck at my studies..
and no, SJ is not the cause..
i should slap myself awake right now and start studying.

and speaking of SJ,
it makes me feel like december is ending in a week..
and orientation etc all not settled..
damn it,
suddenly feels so scared and worried..
like wth...
okay, it's time i pull everything together...
and i guess i won't have time to do any xmas stuff..
cox i lagging in studies and SJ,
so i can only play catch-up to get things in line..
damn it, but it's too late, and too much of a waste of time, to regret..

SEA Games 2009!





OMG, i just started watching SEA Games,
and whoo hoo, Zach Ong, Quah Ting Wen, Tao Li won golds for singapore!!!
in 200m backstroke M, 100m freestyle F and 200m backstroke F respectively~~
ahhhhhhh
i love watching swimming...
it's just damn, breathtaking i would say?
it makes me damn nervous esp when they get neck to neck...
haha~ =P

okay, here's who's who...


Zach Ong Wei Shien









Quah Ting Wen






Tao Li






whoo hoo~
i've decided, i shall watch SEA Games everyday~ xDDDDDDDDD
and i tell you, Zach Ong is freaking cute...
megawatt smile, like HyunJoongie! haha~ =P
but Quah Ting Wen and Tao Li is cooler~ xDDDDDD

something's wrong...


There has been a period of time when Jie listens like JiHoo Sunbae would..
and we talked talked talked..
but somehow i think that's stopped,
at least for now..
it's understandable, afterall, we're both busy,
and she's tired..
but it just feels悲しみ...
=X

and i'd like to apologise to everyone who's kena my bad attitude...
sorry,
i've been moody and over-sensitive and too much...
><
is it okay to just cry?
would there be a JiHoo sunbae of mine out there?
can someone just lend me a shoulder?

何とか，悲しみ


when you are feeling angry,
when you say something out of anger,
you simply think that things would be alright after your anger is gone,
after a while...
but have you ever thought about it,
that the person receiving your words of anger,
would actually feel hurt?
and they may not be okay to begin with,
and your words simply made things worse?
so, next time,
before you start getting pissed off,
before you start talking when you're angry,
before you start venting your anger on someone,
before you throw your temper without thinking,
grab a hold of yourself,
freeze,
and think through before you spout nonsense...

here's a story i'd like to share..
once, there was a baby born with hands that can kill with a single touch,
but this power can only work when the baby hates or wants to kill the person he is in contact with...
his mother found out about this when he killed his pet dog with this power,
while trying to protect his younger sister from being bitten by the dog...
after that incident,
his mother held him tightly and told him,
"you must never hate anyone"

this story is actually from a drama,
i summarised a bit of stuff..
but from this, i learned something...
no doubt, there is no such power, killing with a single touch,
but, i think that, from this,
i learned that i should never hate anyone,
firstly, hating is tiring, and is too big a burden,
but another thing is that,
when you hate, your simple, normal and innocent hands,
can become hands that commit crime,
be it hit or kill,
because of hate, these hands can become empowered with the negative emotions,
and do something that is wrong..
and become hands that kill,
just like in the story...
so dun hate, k?

okays, that's all for today..
JA~..

Zone Presentation Night 2009


It's finally over...
the ZPN that took us 6 months...
(although we really really worked on it prolly from oct onwards =X)
it has been a memorable experience,
and i learned a lot,
and i think, compared to during OTC,
i get to know ZoneX's 17/09s better..
thank you everyone for the hard work,
and thank you for the experience..
somehow, i'm feeling a lil sad that it's over so quickly..
haha..
hope to work with you all again..
esp xiao en!!! =DDDDDD
thanks so much!!!!!! =)

and, at the end of ZPN ytd,
after we finally finished packing everything in the hall etc,
down came a bomb that made me really feel like crying...
it's definitely my fault,
i failed the kids,
because i understand how much of a letdown it was,
to them,
i understand that feeling,
and i myself hated that feeling,
but in the end, i didn't manage to prevent them from undergoing those feeling..
they got pissed, they called me,
but i couldn't account to them properly at all,
i couldn;t say anything except sorry...
it just sucks,
when i couldn't do anything except apologise...
it made me feel like crying,
but,
i dun have a right to be crying,
and i think they would feel like crying more than me...
i am to be blamed,
for getting your hopes up,
and having the event now in uncertainty..
i dunno..
but i feel that, they might no longer trust me, my words, or actions..
i wonder what i should do now,
and it's not like i dun want the event,
i dunno..
i just feel like such a failure right now...
i, till now, still can't say any other thing other than sorry...
i hate myself...

S J A B


today, had a nice talk with xiao en!
and i said 1 sentence to her,
"17/09, we're the beginning of a new era of CHANGE. rmb the faith in yourself. rmb the strength in you"
sounds familiar?
this is what i interpreted from William Sir's character building sessions for us throughout the whole of OTC..
the road we are walking on is a never-ending...
whether to end or not, depends entirely on you yourself..
the road may be empty, meaningless, too tiring to you...
but instead of abandoning the road,
why not make changes to it and make it a trip that is enjoyable?
a trip worth walking?
we may complain all we want about what is not within our power...
but, changes, can start at the very very basic...
by changing bits and pieces of a puzzle, the picture that you get would become different...
this is what i stand by and what i believe in...
there are many things in this world that i can't place faith in,
there are also many things that i have yet to discover..
but i have made up my mind to walk this road till the end of my time...
and when i get tired, i'll just pause, turn around, and look at the scenary that i have walked past,
and remember the memories that i am creating right now,
and then get back on the continuous journey along this path...
you may want to ask me,
where did i get my strength from?
why am i talking about staying on forever when i'm only 17?
are you just talking cox you are still young?
you sure you can continue?
you think you can last?
i wonder too...
maybe as many told me
"this year just pass out, it's like that de, everything also do"
etc....
that may be true,
but, i will strive to prove all these people wrong,
and simply do what i love best,
continuing on my never-ending road of SJAB...
simply because i stayed,
not because of others, not because of CCA points, not because of peer influence,
it's simply because of love for St John Ambulance Brigade itself,
because i like SJ,
because i love SJ,
because i like doing things in SJ,
because of the sense of pride in SJ,
because of how SJ can control my emotions,
because of how SJ can make me cry so easily,
because of how SJ has simply became something that's intra-veneous in me...
SJ, is just like the blood in my body..
it's just simply, SJ...
this road never ends,
till the end of my time...
I love SJ...
Do you?
=)

sunday, 29th November 2009


overslept and only managed to reach HQ at 7.30..
though it's still earlier than others, but i aimed to reach at 7 de..
hahas..
saw Kalai on the way to HQ,
talked to her a bit about the dance and also about taking over next year,
and also about '08,
hope she understands what i mean.. hahas..
and then,
when i reached HQ,
nobody was in the hall,
and even more best,
the tables weren't laid out..
then the kids who were going to PD reached HQ,
so disturbed them for a bit,
before i went back to hall at close to 8am..
nobody there lor.. haha~ =P
then mama teng came,
then after rotting for a while,
people started coming,
then teddy bear sir came for his debut counting day experience.. LOL!
noob =P
then around 8+, we were thinking maybe we should 先下手为强
if not later no tables..
so we started getting tables to set up for zone 10..
then everyone copied us..
haha~
and i heard some seniors or officers screaming at their cadets
"you waiting for me yo carry for you is it?"
=.=
i dun like this kinda seniors..
in the first place, you yourself didn't even take the initiative to go get the tables,
or give instructions for them to do so,
so i dun think you have the right to scream at them like that,
because you, supposedly, should know better..
and when you yourself wait for people to initiate something,
i dun think you should be screaming away at your cadets or juniors like that...
heard that?
then we had counting day,
and '07s are seriously damn cute~
HAHHAHAH~
and stupid mushroom keep laughing laughing laughing..
haha~
no la, not stupid la..
LOLs..
and they got so excited over the one and only $50 note..
hahas..
and in the end they ended up so tired..
thanks kids! hope you had fun! hahas =P
esp with shaker fries right?
ROFL~~~~
and ZC is welfare de..
we're prolly the only zone who got something to eat as a whole..
thanks mdm! =)

then went home to bathe then went to tiong to meet mama teng and pris they all
to go to miss tay's celebration~ ^u^
in the end we were uper late..
LOLs~~~~
but really had fun,
talking crap,
zebra 线，
there is 没有板，
斑马line,
LOL xD
and,
playing with derrick sir's daughter!
apple is nice right? xDDDDD
and melting the chocolate,
settling the candles for the chocolate fondue,
playing poker..
King.Queen.Prostitute.Asshole.
HAHA~
and Mahjong!
someone "innocently" said
"我是按mouse的"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~ xDDDDDDDD
and wanteng and priscilla were filming 床戏while we were playing mahjong!
hahas =P
and somehow i became 郑老师's actual..
ROFL..
and wanteng became Justin Chong instead of Aiden Chong last night..
hahas~ xD
in the end went home earlier cox i would've been killed if i reach home late..
too bad..
if not can play somemore..
haha~
thanks so much for inviting me 郑老师
hee hee~
had fun...
enjoy loads k? xD

okays,
now i shall go send emails.. ^u^
ZPN is this saturday..
LET'S GO! xD
JA~

H A P P I N E S S


these few days,
a few people told me something interesting,
that is,
i am someone who is easily contented...
that something very minor can make me happy,
or even very happy..
this made me realise something,
which is, to me,
happiness is something that is very simple,
happiness is just there,
it's just whether we identify it as a form of happiness,
whether we think it is happiness,
whether we treat it as happiness...
simple, what do i mean?
basically things like finding the pencil case that i thought i lost,
getting to buy something that i wanted,
getting to eat mummy's fried rice or yong tau foo,
getting to go to yeye's house and meet up with li hui they all,
getting to talk crap with Jie,
getting to pinch ah dan on his cheeks when he's cheeky,
completing my assignments ahead of time,
doing SJ stuff...
and many many more...
these things are so minor,
but these are things that makes me happy,
which means they are happiness...
you see,
happiness is not something that we need to try very hard for..
happiness is something that we appreciate in life..
simple stuff like that is happiness too,
and happiness in it's purest form...
cox it is just simply, something that makes you happy..
what else can happiness be, right?
that's what i think,
and when everything is supposed to be complicated,
having happiness that is simple is something that i appreciate..
and this, in itself, is my happiness..

so, what is your happiness? =)

F L A G D A Y


was kinda late for flag day..
sorry.. ><
it was rather chaotic today,
morning with chipmunk stressed out and mini explosion,
then to missing stuffs...
roaming without sir lee around is a lil tiring..
hahas..
but, we made it..
and thanks loads to mama teng! for the meal~
sorry we ate so much.. =X
overall, i think we didn't do that badly for flag day,
just that cox sir lee's not around,
we only did town area,
and with the limited time,
hmmmms,
but let's cross our fingers that we can get $10K~
GO GESSians!!!! xDDDDDDDDD
thanks loads to everyone who participated in this flag day,
otsukaresama deshita!(a job well done!)
rest well,
drink more water,
miss xiao lin stop eating eggs and chickens and heaty stuff,
sleep earlier tonight..
take cares! =D

L O S T


I freaking lost my beloved 4 years old pencil case...
with all my stationeries inside,
i think i lost it on saturday,
and i stupidly only realise now..
=.=
god damn it~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am freaking moody right now...
and i am freaking pissed with myself..
DAMN IT~
ARGH~

E L E A R N I N G


elearning starts this week,
and i shall make us of this to cheong everything for SJ,
especially ZPN...
sucky secretary=Poh Ting Xin...

then there is flag day on wednesday..
the 1st flag day without sir lee's car zooming around..
and lunch leh? sians...
tsk...
but then, armed with the 200 tins and with everyone,
i aim to get our $10K~
and gain back our top in zone, and possibly, top in whole SJ in SG.. ^u^
go GESSians! =D

okay, that's all for now,
i really look forward to ZPN...
but i'm scared too.. =X

well well,
okay, i need to shuddup and go do stuff le~
JA!~

P A I N F U L


i overreacted,
and nearly caused disaster...
but, seriously,
it's just so painful to me...
it's not just s little bit of pain,
it's cutting..
maybe because i included too much personal emotion,
maybe because here everyone is falling ill and still working hard,
such things happen, that threatens to crumble SJ if principals etc knew..
we are unanimously blacklisted in school by someone of authority,
and this kinda thing has to happen...
just when we are fighting to make 2010 a better year for all,
to change people's view of SJ,
to get back our gold,
to do better,
this came..
no doubt it's true that it happened,
but laugh at you? i dun think so,
and then, i would very much preferred if you told me in the face about this,
it's easier to improve this way..
i dunno, i just dunno,
i only know that it's really really painful..
and it's just so weird to be crying out of anger and desperation...

when sleeping becomes scary..



i had the worst headache of my life,
it begun when i was on the way to HQ for zone meeting..
i thought maybe i just needed some rest..
but during zone meeting, it felt worse...
but i endured through the meeting,
and on the way home,
i vomitted..
i thought something must be very wrong..
but i didn't dare say anything to daddy and mummy..
because if they knew,
then they'll probably ground me and ban me from every single SJ matter..
which is what i cannot afford right now...
only Jie knew about it last night before i came home..
i made her promise not to tell daddy, mummy, and anyone in zone 10..
because i don't want anyone to feel guilty..
it's not anyone's fault, AT ALL..
last night i didn't really use my comp,
and the work that i'm supposed to complete, wasn't completed, sorry.. ><
and when extra strong painkillers didn't help at all,
i suddenly got afraid..
because i thought there was sth very wrong if it hurts to this extend,
and the fact that even my nose and my jaws hurt..
i didn't dare to sleep,
because i was afraid i'll never get to wake up today..
i'm scared i'd just die like that..
in the end i slept at 2plus, 3...
and i didn't know how i fell asleep..
and, i lied to Ai Suan that it was a fren who got this headache,
to ask for advice..
Thanks Ai Suan..
really sorry that i lied to you.. ><
i didn't mean to, but then, i thought if i told you straightaway it's me,
you would've worried, or sth.. ><
sorry for being dishonest..
and sorry that i told you today morning and woke you up.. ><
but thank goodness that i recovered today morning..
if not i would've need to see doctor..
but i didn't go down to training today..
sorry '07..
i've been skipping training too much.. =(
didn't mean to always do that..
really sorry..

now, i'm really thankful that i managed to wake up today..
and i shall do my best to complete all the things i have to do..
JA~

I thot i could've tried to help you,
in a way or another,
in the end,
what you said dropped a bombshell on me...
why i gave you attitude that you didn't like?
because the designs didn't just pop out of my head like that..
maybe it sucks, i dunno, afterall i wasn't an art student,
but seeing the way you leave it lying around, and about the "meaningful" thingy,
what occured to me immediately was that,
i might as well throw it away,
because it is meaningless...
you didn't ask for it to begin with..
suan le ba..
i'm just too ignorant to think that this stupid thing i drew would be of any help to you..
sorry for wasting those moments of your time..
and this is not out of sacarsm..

C H A L L E N G E


from today till saturday night, it will be a test of my endurance, efficiency and responsibility.

Arashi-My Girl


Finally, i managed to get a decent version for my blog song..
this song is damn nice~~~ xDDDDDDDD
it makes me feel like crying,
over mixed feelings..
just like the drama (with the same name =D)
it's such a family-ish song,
the drama too~ xD
and i'm trying hard to be able to sing this like how i always sing the jap/kor songs..
but can't get the lyrics fully right..
maybe it's like niji..
shall try harder.. teehee..
here are the lyrics and translation..
enjoy!



どんな言葉を使えば　もっと心通じ合えたかな
強がりの笑顔に隠した　その涙

どんな日々を過ごしたって　きっと現在を信じつづけていれば
ひとつだけ僕たちの道が始まるよ

優しさに触れる瞬間が　幸せへ導いてゆく
微笑む声重ねたなら　僕らはほんのちょっとずつ　歩いて行ける気がした

ありがとうの想いを伝えたいよ　そっと君のもとへ
遠く離れてしまっても　思い出に満ちた未来へ
瞳を閉じれば　君と過ごしたあの季節が思い浮かぶ
ふたりの記憶つないでく今日も　そっと小さな温もり集めて

僕が包んだ指先　そっとこぼれ落ちてしまったのは
足早に駆けだした君の温かさ

大切な事は全部　君ひとりで抱えていた
言いたいこと何も言わず　放してしまった手のひら　思い出すよ今でも

ありがとうともう一度伝えたいよ　そっと君のそばで
昨日に戻れないけど　祈るように明日を迎える
手を伸ばせば　君が残したあの季節の扉開く
逢いたくてしかたないから今日も　きっと君の事思い出すだろう

一秒ごと出会った日が遠ざかってゆくけれど
変わらずに君は生きている　胸の中で

ありがとうの思いを伝えたいよ　そっと君のもとへ
遠く離れてしまっても　思い出に満ちた未来へ
瞳を閉じれば　君と過ごしたあの季節が思い浮かぶ
ふたりの記憶つないでく今日も　そっと小さな温もり集めて

そっと小さな温もり集めて・・・


English Trans:

What words could I have used to better communicate our hearts?
You hid your tears behind your bluff smile

If we keep on believing in the present, no matter how we live our everyday lives,
one path will start for us.

Whenever you feel kindness, you are guided to happiness
If our voices are together, we felt that we could continue walking little by little

I want to softly tell you my feelings of gratitude
Even if we are separated with distance, lets go towards a future filled with memories
If I close my eyes, I remember the seasons I spent with you
They connect our two memories, gently gathering little warmth today too

What had fallen out of my grasped fingertips was
your warmth that had run off quickly

You kept to yourself all the important words alone
I didn't say what I wanted to, I still remember your hand I had let go of

I want to softly tell you my feeling of gratitude beside you
I can't go back to yesterday but I'll pray and go towards tomorrow
If I reach out, the doors to the seasons you left, open
I'll surely think of you today too because I can't help but want to see you again

With every second, the day we met becomes farther away but you are still living, like before, in my heart.

I want to softly tell you my feelings of gratitude
Even if we are separated with distance, lets go towards a future filled with memories
If I close my eyes, I remember the seasons I spent with you
They connect our two memories, gently gathering little warmth today too

Gently gathering little warmth today too...

L I F E


it's so fragile, this four-letter word...
it can just be gone with the wind,
so easily..
it is so unexpected,
anyone, anywhere, anytime,
no matter how careful they lived their lives,
might just die at any moment..
though thankfully it didn't occur to people around me,
but it's still quite near..
R.I.P, to you, who have gone with the wind..
and cheer up to ___________ who was affected, because it happened to someone right next to you..

W R O N G


Ting Xin is wrong today...
wrong for being over-reactive..
or rather, giving the wrong reaction..
Ting Xin is just too much...
so wrong..
so unforgivable..

maybe Ting Xin should disappear off the surface of earth, to restore peace..
actually no, cox Ting Xin is not that impt.. or rather, not impt at all...

TRYING TOO HARD


sometimes, in life,
we shouldn't try too hard..
sometimes,
we should just read the atmosphere and know when to talk, when not to.
when you don't belong in the conversation,
you should just not try too hard to be included..
because you don't belong,
and it'll only affect the mood,
and it'll only affect the conversation..

and another thing,
when you do something,
when people just simply refuse to give any response,
don't try too hard,
maybe you should just try to get help from someone else.
or simply, try to find a way around things,
and get things done yourself..
because putting in too much effort,
and going to the extend of forcing someone,
is wrong,
and is not appreciated,
especially when,
their prioritization doesn't even include the help you need from them..

Congratulations to Shobana!!!!
she got promoted~~ xDDD
yay~ like thank god man! xD
and maybe we can watch gokusen together! xDDDDDD

another thing is,
i think i did sth random...
i wrote letters to taisetsu na kodomo tachi..
wonder if i was able to convey what i want to say?
maybe it'll be treated as a joke,
or maybe it'll seem weird to them...
but what was written was what i wanted to say to them..
hopefully it gets through to them.. =)

i think i totally screwed my extemporaneous speaking today.. =X
what i intended to talk about was 1 and a half page,
but i ended up, dunno talking about what..
and i went overtime, plus i didn't talk properly..
arghhhhhh~~~~
maybe i wasn't ready to talk about leadership...
haix...
some of my classmates were sniggering when i was talking also...
goes to show how sucky i was..
=((((((((

T O N I G H T



i guess i have been irresponsible to this family..
to the extent that such a thing happened tonight..
i dunno what to do now,
other than do all the housework possible starting from tmr...
and saturday's meeting,
i need to find someone to replace me,
i will still carry on,
i need to carry on,
but i can't do it at the expense of my family..
and i wonder how much Jie can adjust her stuff..
tonight, i will definitely cry..
but not now...
not in front of my parents right now...
speed.concentration,discipline is what i need now.
byebye facebook games.
byebye videos, at least for now, till i get more free.

sorry to SJ...
because of my irresponsible behaviour, my lack of discipline,
SJ gets blamed by my parents, once again..
that doubles the hurt..
first is the shame of realising my mistake,
second is the blame i brought upon innocent SJ.
i am not a good officer,
neither am i a good SJAB member,
and even more so, i am not a good person.

Johnny's Power~


Johnny is fantastic, great and powerful..
due to kami-chan, a blogger, i read about Go Hiromi,
then, went to read about Johnny Kitagawa,
and then, Johnny's Entertainment+Johnny&Associates,
then i started reading about the Johnny's boys,
and then read about Pi again,
then read about Byakkotai,
then read about Seppuku(this is disgusting, if you try imagining)
then read about different Seppuku,
then read about 47-ronins,
then went on to read about the Japanese tradition,
the funerals, the shindo, the seijin no hi, the school uniforms, the kimonos, the yutakas, the military uniforms...
i even read about the Tang Dynasty, the 4 guardians of the directions, and hanboks..
haha~
read all these from wikipedia...
i was about to start watching haptic mission at 10plus..
but cox i started reading, i only just got bored now, and decided to blog..
i have to sleep soon cox tmr is WWH at 8am~
but anyway, unexpectedly, all these words are nice and interesting to read~~
thanks to Johnny~~
LOLs, okay,
gotta go...
JA~

Thanks Phoebe and Sze Yee..
for today..
sorry that i am so ma fan.. =X
will not repeat this again.. ever...
thanks so much! =D

Wan.Du.Kong =)

L I K E


How does it feel like to like someone?
and how does it feel like to be liked by someone?
Have you got the answer?
I don't.yet. haha~ =)

FUN


had fun at West Mall arcade today,
especially at the table hockey,
had a fun time laughing ang laughing and laughing when playing that..
thanks to Buin, Chee Meng and Ci Long~ =DDDDD
next time my treat kay?
sorry that you all had to spend money.. =X
but today was really fun... =)
never had fun in a while i guess??
and i like a new facebook game called Treasure Mania..
but it sucks because the HP is so low~~
difficult to play sia~~
haha~ =P
okay, gotta go orh orh~
JA~

Mummy made my day


although it was raining so heavily that buildings became blurred,
although there was lightning and thunder,
but a call from mummy made my day.. =)
thanks mummy~ =))))))))

Stranded, uncertain, scared...


i never felt as stranded as today,
because, went to the industrial park in Bedok North,
super super long bus trips,
along the way the surroundings get more and more foreign to me,
not sure of whether the buses would get me to the place i wanna go,
the sky turns darker and darker with each bus stop passed,
plus in the industrial parks, all the factories looks like super blown-up lego cubes,
it's kinda scary, in a way..
to think that i left school at around 4pm,
settled everything and reached home at around 8.45pm..
it's like so long, i didn't expect it to take so much time..
and the weird layout of the factory that i went to,
had to walk long empty corridors alone for 3 sides of a square..
(can understand ma?)
i felt rather insecured..
cox it's just so empty..
like, would i get lost?
and then, on the bus, as the sky gets darker,
i kept having the urge to just not go to the factory and head home instead..
but we don't have anymore time.. have to get it done..
and also, when in the factory, i had the urge to call someone..
to tell someone how scared i was, how uncertain i felt..
but i dunno who i should call,
and it's not good to be calling anyone just cox of that, right?
on the long long long bus trips i had,
the cold air-con on the bus..
it's like, weirdly, the loneliness pours in,
and it's a lil overwhelming...
to think that a somone like me would say that?
haha~
maybe i'm just being an idiot,
but going all the way there alone,
is really rather scary..
and then it feels a little like the dementors just came..
makes you feel like you're alone in the fight..
that kinda feeling..
haha~

okay, i'll go sleep..
it's 2.15am..
JA~

How hard is it to say no?


suddenly had this thought,
it's not cox something happened to me,
dun worry,
haha~

i wonder how hard is it to say no to others,
be it a demand, or a request
or even a plea...
how hard is it for you?
for me,
generally speaking, it's quite hard...
because of my problem in expressing myself,
i dun feel comfortable,
or maybe i dun dare,
to say no to others..
hahas,
but then, in life,
sometimes we needa learn how to say no,
because,
it will be for their own good,
so miss kong, when i say no to you, it's for your own good,
when i say dun this dun that, it's also for your own good..
hahaha~ =P

alrights,
that's all for now,
JA~

W E I R D


had a really weird dream last night,
it's about MatsuJun..
okay, i think should be MatsuJun,
or maybe it's just some random guy?
okays, let it be MatsuJun
dream that i went shopping with him in my dream..
and the setting is like singapore shopping centre or sth?
i only rmb long escalators, and holding hands..
but i dun rmb other details...
but we were either a couple/siblings..
LOLs..
weird, TOTALLY,
cox, MatsuJun isn't exactly my favourite guy in Arashi/JE/Idols...
wonders why i dreamt of him..
maybe i go crazy le~ haha~ =P
or maybe i think of having a tokubetsu no hito too much, haha~

eyes exercise threatens to start all of a sudden..
i wonder what's wrong..
=/
i'm being irresponsible,
i keep lying and making it seem like i'm doing a lot,
but that's not true..
i have all along irresponsibly not done anything..
=(

Young Buin!!!!
thanks so much with regards to the hoodie~~~
BUT,
rmb buin cannot buy anything for shillang~
heeehee~ xDDDDDDD
and i'll get it maybe at a later date~~
but, really, thanks so much,
appreciate it~~~ =DDDDDD

okay,
i am listening to piano pieces and typing and typing and typing right now~
haha~
that's all for today,
JA~