hated

so what happens if you become fully conscious that those you are working with hates you.
to the extend that they voice out as a request not to have you train them?
what do you do with such feelings?
what happens?
what are you supposed to do next?
and when it's the love of your life that you are serving?
i wondered if everything was a mistake.
i wondered if i made a big big mistake.
i wondered if i was actually a mistake.
to begin with, my existence was a mistake.
and then i wondered if being a 17/09 only brough harm to the corps?
rather than hurt, upset, sad or angry, i am feeling lost.
lost because i dunno how to handle all these thoughts and feelings.
not thinking about them wun make the problems go away.
pretending it's alright wun make things better either.
bringing it up as a problem is too awkward, because this is my own problem.
telling someone seems to be too much of a burden.
so my only solution was typing here.
but this doesn't solve the problems either.
i dunno how things are going to turn out to be but i can only see how things goes.
i will try to stop myself from thinking too much.
because if i do, then i would be inefficient and create even more problems.

long time no see

it's be decades since i last posted.
LOL. cox i kinda just can't be bothered ba i guess?
in the end, my intention to do 2010 reflection failed again.
well wells,
i just can't be bothered to do it now,
or maybe i didn't want to reflect on certain things also.
but anyway, i gave up intention on that alr.

life has been, well, boring i guess?
but life is less tedious in this year.
perhaps cox i am more and more into the mood to do homework and stuff
and perhaps cox i am more and more into sleeping early and taking naps.
LOL.
i touch my lappie less than last time.
alot less.
that is a good sign.
i shall be a lappie camper come holidays.
the whole period of time from my december break till now has been,
let me see,
i did go out a few times, to have outing with cousins and stuff,
other than that, nothing much i guess?
christmas and new year has been spent at home,
mummy decided to throw parties and stuff.
haha. mummy has become more into cooking, making things, baking things.
her newest hobby is nails.
LOL~
school has been a little tedious,
because i wasn't a good girl and didn't do my homework.
but this year on, i changed bit by bit already i guess?
i have been submitting homework on time and stuff.
that is a fantastic change for me,
i am now in the mood to do work
hehe~
this should and needs to continue on~
gogogo~

i realise that i am a very non-people person.
haix, sorry to everyone, i am just so cui~
i will change and i will improve.
i promise.
SJ side we have a structure.
things are getting easier to settle and worked out.
this is a good sign.
let's get better and better and better. =)
and OTC is well, still haven't really get into the momentum yet ba
but then, hopefully it won't turn out to be problematic ba, i hope.
i think it should be alright.
let's jiayou yo~

i want to get back my comic reading habit.
i used to read loads of comics.
haha~
it's nice to be able to read comics while on the move
or when lecturers decide to slack also.
comic reading is a nice thing to do.
how i wish i have money and i have no school.
then i can go buy or rent tons of comics to read.
library's collection is just too little~

i forgot what else i wanted to update about.
haha~ absent-minded me.
nvm~ shall update again when i have the time.
or when i feel like it.
JA~