乱

Been so long since i last posted anything.
Actually i didn't want to add anything negative to this space anymore.
Wanted to blog about 2013 at the end of the year instead.
But as expected, this remains my one last space for venting all my unhappiness and frustrations.
2013 was one heck of a year.
Well i'd go into that in another post, another time, if i manage to get down to posted that 2013 post i would wanna post at the end of this year.
This is about something else entirely.

Well, to be honest, i never liked the way you behaved. The super ah lian kind. The immaturity.
Then you became all alone because your friend left the job. You looked for me and say you feel left out of my circle of friends. For some time we were good friends and such. Then came JW and you went all twinnie with her. Well i dun mind all of that. because i havent 交心 with you or whatsoever. neither am i someone into the duo duo shit. since you just threw me away, i felt no obligation for me to stick to you like old gum. i dun see the need for myself to be treated that way. i dun need you. And knowing that you ditch JW for those Suntec Staff and later KN subsequently really made me incapable of looking at you as a friend.

Then the borrowing of money. i really really didn't like that. because i am confident i will never get the money back from you. well i was skeptical. i thot you would return. turns out you didn't. Yes call me a bitch for saying all of this, but that was when i build my guard against you. and never did talk much about anything that i cant tell someone else to you. Moreover, when you didn't return, you could jolly well dye and cut your hair, you can go on trips, celebrate people's birthdays, eat fast food everyday and all, while i was reduced to a messy heap having to loan money from my friends and family.

Then you told me about your ex records and all. that made me realise that you are really dishonest. your taking of MC so that you can meet your boyfriend or your crushes, your omission of your records from the job application. Yes i do know that you will spoil your chances if you included it inside the application but not declaring is really.... i just felt that i am not someone who can live with such a possibly-get-exposed thing.

And how you are forever so fucking annoying with the way you talk about your crushes and boyfriend. What's up with"i am very afraid to lose someone once they say they like me". What kinda rubbish is that? you dun like that person back, it's simply it. just cox ppl say they like you means you are in love and all heads over heels with them? utter nonsense. Then also, if he is your fucking boyfriend, shouldnt you know something about him and have some idea about what you can get for him for you whatever monthsary etc. what's up with you constantly asking me for ideas? goes to show how much you "LOVE" him.

then your annoying requests. i haven't had an off day on weekends or saturdays for so freaking long. and you just have to "can you please change with me, HMMMMS" and your annoying "HMMMMS, when is your off day?" "can change shift with me or not" etc etc. SINCE WHEN DID YOU HELP ME WHEN I NEED OFF DAYS? NEVER. GO COUNT HOW MANY TIMES YOU MADE ME CHANGE SHIFTS WITH YOU. so fucking selfish. request everyday morning for half a month. if i can i would also wanna work morning shift everyday too. then i have some kinda life. who wouldnt want that.

And thats not all, what i really hate about you is how you are so fucking annoying. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO WHINE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING? can't you just speak normally? yes i complain myself too. but can you dun do it ever so often, and in such a fucking annoying tone? i can't take that. and i also hate your dragging of feet, you drifting around so slackingly. i hate it that i am working myself, so much so that i sweat and all that shit, and you go around getting all the credit. i am competitive bitch. i work my hardest and i hate to see it become second fiddle to slack shit like you.

speaking of tone, what a best CS staff you are. the greetings and all that shit, it originated from JW. i started greeting and all because of JW. and there you go and take all that credit. i dun see how your greetings is like what SSK say, what best in the whole store. maybe i am not better than you, but you are definitely not the best. 1000% NOT/

and i dare you to say you never bootlick. so freaking obvious still denying huh. your bootlicking is only second to the ex suntec asm. attracting butterflies of all the managers, arent you? fluttering around them like some bee around a flower. and this time round you are so damn lucky that i said something wrong to the wrong person, that you got to know and 大做文章 on facebook. posting so much so much. so people talking behind your back will cause you to have decayed brain or something? you have post it AT EVERY FUCKING OUTLET. 

i know what you are doing, you 先声夺人，恶人先告状，because you know how to divert attention. once you post something so big on such a public place, you will get yourself victimised, and then when anything goes on, people look more on WHO DID THAT  rather than WHAT HAPPENED. so smart of you, come i clap for you.

well i am not gonna fall for your despicable shit. i will endure all this shit. or maybe i dun even need to endure at all, all i have to do is silently accept whatever that comes, then 问心无愧，百词莫辨。 i will not explain anything. yes i am at the losing end this time round. i may well get my career in this place destroyed for all i know, but i shall keep you from the knowledge of who did this. i am not the only one. i talked about it with people. i will NEVER EVER EVER tell you who. i want you to suffer without knowing who these people are. you will never know who dislike your behaviour, who talked about you. you wun ever know who dislike you on your own. even if i am made to resign i will never let you know. this is my silent revenge on you. i am horrible like that. because i hate you. i hate you for blowing up such a small matter, INTENTIONALLY. and what you do will come back to you, worry not. because things you did elsewhere to someone else is already known to some. 

and well, as much as i have so much info of you that i can spare, i shall not use it against you. because i am not despicable low-life like you. i dun need to stoop down to your level to do such despicable things. 

actually i maintain my silence and took all the blame mainly because there are people i wanna keep outta trouble of. i can foresee and expect many of them taking me for granted or even turning against me and bullying me. if they do karma will come to them, like it will also do to you. if i were to suffer all these, i will do it. because karma will always repay those who did badly to them. i dunno about good but bad ones always do come back.

and to be honest, i actually hate myself for being so disgusting and negative and bitchy and horrible, i always believed in treating others good. or at least try to, but i just have this disgusting explosion of my negativity that i cannot contain. because i hate. i really really hate you. so so so so so much now. i will get my karma one day for all that i am feeling now. for all the hate, for all the horrible things and all that i did or will do etc. and i totally deserve this. but i just hope karma will be fair, unlike many higher-ups that may not be.

maybe just maybe, i would have been better off gone from this place when my anchors were all gone. but it's okay. i will stay here at least till bonus, and perhaps if ever things can even get better or something.

and for now, i can only tell myself to keep in mind the 签 that i got when i asked about my career the other time.

鸞鳳翔毛雨淋漓
當時卻被雀兒欺
驚教一日雲開遠
依舊還君整羽衣


i will get my just 报应, but maybe you will also.