2010


first off,
first day of the year,
Happy New Year!
Akemashite Omedetou~~!
=)

well,
it's like 6.30am at the moment and i'm awake already..
not cox i wanted to of course,
just that thirst has woke me up,
and left me awake since around 5.30am..
haha~~~

hmmm, yesterday's attempts at watching Johnny's countdown was kinda failed..
did watch about 5 seconds of song,
then they went to the group by group interview,
then it went safaafoesnflanlkgqrnglkrhglmglj,
lagging, obviously..
haha~~~
but thanks to kind souls who bother to record and upload,
i'll get to watch the whole thing on youtube later~~
yay~! xDDD

and well,
in real life,
my day today didn't start too well..
i know you're unhappy about daddy etc and all,
but it's not only today that you ignore me...
i ever once overheard you talking to ah yi
about how you feel guilty sometimes to be ignoring us,
like you are treating us the same way as ______ treats you..
but, i guess, the guilt went away so quickly..
i wonder what's wrong..
am i not your child or what?
i may not be the best kid around,
i may not be an angel that stays outta trouble,
i may not be a kid that you can be proud of,
i may not be a kid who listens to you always,
i may not be a child that is perfect,
i always makes mistakes,
i am lazy
i dun work hard enough at my studies,
i go back for SJ, which you dun understand,
i dun make you understand me,
i dun talk to you about my troubles,
i dun tell you when i'm sick
etc etc etc,
i do stuff that would make you, as a parent, worry,
as a mother, heartache,
as my mummy, i know it's not easy for you,
but i don't think i never tried...
actually i tried to make you happy,
but i wonder what exactly makes you happy?
i don't think i know what to do to make you happy,
maybe the mere exsistence of me makes you irritated?
sometimes i really wonder,
have you ever regretted giving birth to me?
but no matter what,
i choose to believe that you love me,
just that you dun show out,
like how Jie loves me but doesn't show out..
you just dun ask me about stuff as often as daddy does..
no doubt he nags and scold, but i think it shows his concerns
i choose to believe that,
because Jie ever told me that,
family, kinship is something that will never change,
kinship is the only thing that fits into
百年先も愛を誓うよ
it's the only type of love that wouldn't change, forever..
i dun blame you,
i haven't been a good kid,
so it's okay if you love me less..
i just hope,
things in this very family won't turn out to be consistent cold war,
like we keep ignoring each other,
not saying more than 10 sentences each day,
i dun think that's how family actually works..
nevertheless,
you won't get to see this post..
so this becomes my rants..
hahaha,
i'm so stupid..

anyways,
people,
enjoy today loads alright?
and school is starting soon~~
mixed feelings..
assignments, yet to complete =X
but when school starts,
can see Buin and Phoebe,
and then, there's a more time-tabled lifestyle,
haha~~
wells,
that's all,
i shall go make clues for log camp!!!
JA~