wells,
today was a messy and haywire day~
damn~
now i understand what ''at the 11th hour'' means..
~_~
and, worst was,
i was told ''you all only care about yourself'',
after i gave up something for you..
i'm kinda seriously regretting giving up something..
because that something is not as easy as it used to be anymore...
based on current situation...
and,
on top of that,
i actually cheonged down,
seriously cheonged down,
you have any idea what i gave up just to rush down and be there?
and that's what i get?
i don't mind if you don't say ''thank you'' etc,
it's not necessary to say that..
but at the very least,
DON'T push all the blame to me?
like,
i'm not even involved in it in the first place?
actually,
frankly speaking,
sometimes i think whatever i do,
it's TOTALLY unappreciated..
okays, more like ALWAYS irritates and piss ppl off
maybe it's just me la, huh?
maybe it's the way i manage, handle and do things,
that make you pissed off?
or more like, make EVERYONE pissed off?
seriously,
everytime something happens,
did i ever hesitate in rushing to your side?
did i?
remind me if i ever hesitated...
and then,
what i get is always some cold sentences that seems to be telling me,
"what the heck are you here for? you're unnecessary''
seriously,
if you weren't one of the most important group of people in my life,
i wouldn't do things for you without hesitating...
sometimes i seriously think that i'm an unnecessary presence..
basically because i know that my exsistence had created unhappiness, upset etc,
from the very very very beginning..
even before i was even outta my mum's body...

whatever it is,
i should seriously do some reflection huh?
should think about the way i manage, handle and do things...
i should stop causing so much misery and trouble..
that said,
i just thought about it,
and,
my aim now would be to bring strength, power and joy to others..
at least that's what i hope for..
and i hope i can stick to it..

and,
what doesn't kill me makes me a stronger person althogether! =)
okays,
i'm feeling so much better now..
thanks for reading my grumbling..
JA~

*tsuyoi desu! =)*