drown

right now i'm thankful that i didn't learn how to swim,
cox that way, i can drown myself in my stupidness, my contradicting myself etc.
talking to amanda helped me see things clearly.
december, whatever etc won't ever come.
i don't even need to say, you already know.
all that's left to do is to sort out my own stupid thinking,
deal with whatever that's left in me,
and life goes on.
and to begin with,
i didn't even understand you one bit.
i just kept lying to myself that you are like this, like that, etc.
how stupid can i be.