the infinite blue sky

i wonder if it's me or anything.
i always like to live in my own little imagination.
ytd was a really rare occurence.
i happened to online and 3yearsago talked to me on msn.
it's the first time i talked to him on msn i guess?
yeah i think so.
unexpectedly, the time we spent talking on msn was same as when we used to talk on the phone.
4 hours plus.
sounds weird, i know. hahas, but yeah.
it's a really nice and warm feeling. the friends kinda feeling. :)
and 3yearsago's unexpected "always nice talking to you" at the end, really surprised me.
i stunned for a moment.
cox i didn't expect that you would say sth like that.
你比以前更温柔了. was what i felt at the moment.
i became quite "high" for a moment.
because i really never expected that you actually found it nice talking to me.
i always had the impression that i am disturbing you when i talk to you.
especially since we stopped talking when you started to become busier back in 2007.

i talked to deardear about this today.
deardear told me that actually i matter more to people than i thought.
i wonder how true that is.
but i shouldn't think too much, because i might end up mattering less to people than i thought.
right deardear? :)

because of what happened last night, it made me think and wonder about some matters.
whether or not i actually do feel something for 3yearsago.
on the long bus trip home from school today,
i realised that, hey, i dun think so.
actually, to be honest, i think i am more inclined towards skyblue.
though i thought i dun have feelings for skyblue anymore,
i think, maybe because of the friendship that can never be repaired,
or maybe i still feel something towards skyblue,
everything about skyblue makes me feel affected still.
and i think i talked too much about skyblue to turtle.
somehow i feel that i am spoiling things that may happen between skyblue and turtle.
i dunno either.
it just felt painful looking at a really blue, cloudless sky,
especially when my itouch chose to play certain songs along the way.
i really need to work harder at this.
to 看开点, learn how to move out of this phase.
i should stop forming any attachment towards skyblue.
there shouldn't be any form of emotional reliance towards skyblue anymore.
i wonder when will the day come that i move out of this stage of myself.
actually, i just really want the friendship back.

well,
as for 3yearsago, i think that, he can become a really good role model for me.
someone i can learn from. and someone i can talk to. someone who will look for me to talk to when he needs to.
a HTHT friend, just like unnie, deardear, erzi they all.
it feels great to be talking to an old friend like that,
it's as though i found someone whom i've lost touch with for a very long time.
after living in parallel lines for 4 years, this is the first time we talk.
i hope we can continue talking as friends like that.
we will, will we, 英明领导者阿公？ hahas. :)

that's all for today.
i think i sound very emo.
am i?
JA~