insomnia?

i can't sleep.
right now, it's so late alr.
i dun feel like sleeping?
i'm not tired yet?
or i just can't sleep?
i dunno either.
been regretting the whole of today.
for not getting up when my alarm rang at 6.30.
if i got up, bathe, went to school, i would have enjoyed the trip to the army camp.
and i would have been home by 1+
and would have had the time to finish up all my projects and school work and minutes and whatever rubbish that i had to finish by today.
instead, i chose to sleep, then didn't wake up until 8+ when someone called me,
and then i had to tell them i am sick(honestly i was sick, but not enough for me to be absent. i suck, really i do)
and then i continued sleeping till around 1pm.
then i finally got to waking up and brushing my teeth etc,
and head out of house at 2.30pm to see a doctor at the polyclinic.
wasting money when i dun have enough to get by,
wasting time till 3+.
reaching home at around 4+
and i slacked, rested, whatever.
in the end i got nothing done.
i am wide awake now, probably also due to the fact that i slept too much in the morning.
i really got nothing done today. not one piece of homework or SJ stuff that i am supposed to do.
how lousy a person can i be? extremely.
i hope this doesn't carry on.
and i'm missing alot of things, wallowing in self-pity again.
i feel like dousing myself in ice cold water so that i will wake up my idea.
i have alot of drive, alot of potential.
yet it all stays as that, drive and potential.
it never got down to becoming completion of tasks and carrying out of actions.
never.
can i like just restart the past 3 years of my life? i can't.

and i wonder, how much can i miss you.
how much did i like you.
did i like you so much to still be missing you and thinking about you,
when we aren't even on talking terms?
sometimes i wonder, is it me not taking the initiative to talk to you,
or you just dun talk to me when you dun need anything from me?
like i dun have any 利用价值, you wun bother talking to me?
i dunno.
but i only know that even if that's the case,
it might just be extremely hard for me to bring myself to hate you.

ending off today's post in a really bad mood.
not anger. more of the “细水长流” kinda of unhappy mood.
JA~