Looking back on my 2011, i realised it was really an amazing year.
so much happened in the course of one year,
i forgot i am just a 19-year-old kid.
that's pretty amusing.
i'm not too sure where to start off actually.
shall do it in bits and pieces.
sorry if it's very all over the place.
that seems to be just how i am, right? hahas~

OTC
fulfilled one of those wishes i once had, to be an OTC instructor.
to be honest, i felt that i did a really terrible job there.
i wouldn't want to be an OTC instructor again until i feel i've grown and improved.
for Tango, i felt that i was never really there for them,
i didn't understand and know them as a group, much less as individuals.
compared to what i did with P4'10, i really did a lousy job for Tango.
I'm sorry.
as for the experience as a whole, it was enriching.
it showed me many flaws i have in me, how i wasn't ready to be an OTC instructor at all.
not there yet, really have to level up alot more.
on the other hand, i was really glad to get to know the group of instructors and trainees from this year's OTC.
all of them are really nice people.
from OTC itself, i also got to know the 3 siaoginnas better.
thought i knew them quite a bit, but i got to know them even more over here.
and feels really touching to see them all grown up.
the feeling i have when i saw them pass out from OTC, totally not what words can describe.
really proud. their best trainee awards were bonuses.
really felt that they made the corps' name felt in HQ level,
that they demonstrated to everyone through their actions, what is tip top quality.
they really earned what they got.
to be honest, i went to the extent of voting against them,
but eventually all instructors felt that they were good.
which makes me even prouder of them.
i will be back to serve OTC, when i improved myself, when i think i am good enough to be an OTC instructor.

ANCO
this is one of the most horrible experiences i had with ANCO.
i've never hated ANCO this much. really.
why, i supposed i don't want to elaborate. too explicit.
have told close group of fellow officers what happened before,
therefore vented out already, i supposed.
wouldn't deny that i really did a very lousy job,
but i believe i was not the only one at fault, and many things weren't even my fault to begin with, so the horrid-ness doesn't only stem from me.
the only thing i am glad about this ANCO is during campfire.
thought my brain was already not working by then,
i only remembered walking around aimlessly, as always,
and complaining about the whole ANCO to you, and you telling me why you're not in this year's ANCO, and all the politics stuff going on.
that was by far, the best part of ANCO.
and probably the lead up to our 110811 ba.

Poly Life
many things happened in 2011.
my results went from bad to worst.
and i really have inter-personal relationship problems i guess.
because i destroyed 3 years of friendship just like that.
i dunno why either.
but i really believe this part is totally and entirely my fault.
i feel stupid, i feel horrible, i feel like banging my head against the wall so much.
but then again, what's done cannot be undone.
and i truly deserve everything.

all done with the academic semesters already,
already 70% through to attachment right now.
attachment has been a nightmare right at the start.
there wasn't a day i didn't get into trouble,
on top of being not punctual everyday,
always felt extremely guilty everyday,
then one day, manager told me i can't afford to be late,
then i adjusted my sleeping patterns,
i am now punctual most of the time.
though would still be late sometimes, but at least not so horrible,
ironically, things picked up since we had problems,
sad to say.
but things are not too bad right now, sometimes it's a breeze.
actually i did ever wonder if i should continue working there.
but no, i thing it's not my kind of a job.
i should start applying for NIE soon.
then apply for relief teaching sessions.
maybe extend like a couple of months with the company, until the relief teaching things finalise ba.
but not a long term goal.
maybe i would even work only until the next intern comes in.
who knows, see how things goes.
but i really kinda like the company culture and environment.
just that i dun like the way some people work there.
so not a long term plan to stay there for long periods.

Family
many things happened this year.
ah ma fell down earlier this year, hit her head.
scared the hell outta me, really,
then i felt first-hand, the fear, of losing ah ma.
i realised that ah ma is already old.
thankfully ah ma recovered after about a week of hospitalisation.
then went home and is happily healthy once again.
then sadly, yeye fell in the toilet in July~August.
ah ma and daddy speculated that yeye wanted to commit suicide
because he was worried about his urinary tract problem.
yeye got hospitalised as well, for a few days only.
a long enduring battle of persuading him to go for the minor surgery for his urinary tract follows his discharge.
and he eventually went for it in Sep~Oct.
now he's happy and healthy and gained back the weight from before.
then ah ma was hospitalised again in Oct due to low potassium.
another scare, somemore during worktime.
thankfully, after 3 days of IV drips, she recovered.
mummy had a breakdown a day before my exams in august.
woke up to her arguing with daddy early in the morning.
she had relapses of her depression since june,
sometimes i feel really frustrated with mummy.
sometimes i just feel angry that she succumb to her depression so easily.
but then again, perhaps she just can't help it.
it was a horrible period leading up to my exams.
she was warded by request into a specialised day care ward for depression patients.
it was a torturous day, really.
if it wasn't for you, well, i doubt i would have gotten through that day.
that day, you really showed me that i can depend on you when i cannot take it.

Corps
this year, i felt the effect of having everyone back.
totally different from 2009 and first half of 2010.
feels so great to have people around me, serving the corps together.
problems lies in the same area as before, the _ _ _s la, huh.
but this year there were many things done,
many things changed, many things improved.
overall i think the corps leaped forward, especially in terms of morale.
we now have what we ourselves call NTP.
really love NTP's working style.
scold, argue, unhappy, leave at meeting table,
during play, we are just a bunch of friends hanging out, having fun.
grudges dun stay there for long,
just like how siblings work, eh? haha~
really love the NTP relationship.
though, as always, i feel really detached, from the corps and NTP.
because of my low involvement.
sometimes it's really just because i no time, no money, lazy etc, that i dun get involved in the outside of corps stuff.
but the corps stuff, well, blame it on both no time and lazy ba.
i will work harder in the coming year!! :D

Zone
this place, i can't really say too much,
but actually, it feels different already.
much different from the place i know just 2 years ago.
is it cause the people are not there anymore?
or is it because the environment changed too rapidly?
or even just that i learned more and more about this place,
and the more i know, the more different it appears to me?
i'm not too sure either.
but i hope it doesn't continue changing.
it's becoming 面目全非 already, if this keeps up.
things i used to love, i am starting to dislike.
the only thing keeping me there is the people.
and the fact that i believe things can get better, if something is done.

ZGD
ahhh, this particular zone event,
i was the chairman for this event.
a recreational event, nothing major,
but i think, because of the people in the comm,
we managed to come up with a very non-typical ZGD.
it's a Zone Sports Day altogether!
though not the super high standards kind,
we dun even have proper courts or props or anything,
but the turnout was wayyyyyyy better than we thought.
and the participants enjoyed it alot alot alot more.
many many screw ups,
but i think this is the best non-corps SJ event that i was in.
ah, other than ZPN actually.
but generally glad that everyone enjoyed, didn't fail to a certain extent.
yeaps~

ZAP
this year's non-typical zone presentation.
was the emcee for this event.
think i actually created a lot more problems for this committee than help.
feels guilty about it.
but happy that i was part of the event.
learned many things from it as usual.
and our chairman is a great chairman! haha~
yes, had fun working together with the committee.
all great people.
and it's the first time i even bothered to dress up for anything at all.
though as usual, quite fail la huh, looks so cui.
but then lol, i will try harder next time with the help of stylist tay and stylist poh.
hahaha!
and through this i realise, many people are kinda worried and jin zhang over me and how i look.
or rather, people take interest when i try to dress up.
haha! i bet cheryl, aisuan and huiying will feel proud one day if they managed to turn me into a decent looking girl wearing a dress or sth.
hehe~ :P

FAC
this year's FAC is, frustrating. seriously.
we had the best results ever in GESS FAC history.
we won in categories with the heaviest weightage, yet we lost the overall.
not in one, but two categories.
really really frustrating.
yet at the same time, proud of the kids.
goes to show how hard they worked when we were not around,
shows how much they want to win,
they want to be the best and win,
as badly as we want to.
their hearts are really at the correct place,
with the corps.
because they know the glory does not only belong to them,
the have a greater purpose.
their professionalism and commitment is worthy of respect.
let's do better this year, we will hit jackpot.
it's our, dragon, year afterall, right? (:

that's so far for the more general parts of my 2011.
there are still important people i want to talk about, but not in this post.
hoping that 2012 will be a greater year ahead.
not another roller coaster ride.
JA~