D I S A P P O I N T E D


yes i got a scolding session and yes i was the one who triggered it.
yes i do understand what you two want of us and yes i will work on it starting this very moment.
one thing left me utterly disappointed is that the one who got the session with me, is at this very moment ignoring me, treating what i tell her as noise, probably.
why am i disappointed?
because her face tells me that she thinks i was the one who complained to mummy,
and she thinks that i didn't have the heart or drive to train them,
which equates to her never trusting me to begin with.
i can tell you, in your face, i want them to win as much as you do,
and though it's not easy teaching them, it takes more time than when i train my own cadets,
but their learning attitude is what i like most about them,
and it's what makes me never feel tired teaching them.
i treat them like my own kids, minus the strictness,
and train them without a condition.
they show me that they believe.
i train them with my heart, i can stand tall and say that to you,
but your reaction totally points out that you dun trust me, you dun believe,
you dun have a single ounce of faith in me.
and with regards to what mummy said, your reaction was simply telling me
that you think i complained to her, or i grumble to her,
which i can tell you i did not.
believe it or not, it's not up to me, it's up to you,
but to get what i am gettting now really hurts.
but i decided to stand tall and not to cry,
because i am not a single bit guilty about anything.
you can ignore me all you want,
you can blame me all you want,
i dun care, because you dun care, and because you dun trust me.
seriously, call it middle child complex or whatever,
it's enough that you are utterly spoilt by them,
i'm used to that,
but i do hope you wake up and dun point fingers telling me how disappointed you are that i complained or whatsoever,
cox Poh Ting Xin is not that kinda person,
and i think you know best.
enough of my ranting,
i'm tired of feeling tired.
here's an end to it,
f u l l s t o p.