and life goes on.


after torturing myself with my think too much,
and a hisashiburi crying so much,
i am kinda sure what i'm gonna do,
i'll still just maintain things the way they are.
now's not the time, he's not ready,
seeing all the posts on facebook, he's really not ready.
so dun worry, you won't see my blog posts or the diary yet.
and i didn't know that jie actually posted something on my facebook wall.
thanks jie~ =)
yes i think i need an answer, just not now, when you're unsure about yourself,
and when you have A levels to handle.
i will stop being weird, i wun be emo anymore.
no more grey posts on nixgint160592 =)
i'm not acting strong, i have to be strong,
and right now, i remembered what jacelyn once told me,
if you really like him, fight for what you want,
even if it means falling down and getting hurt,
wounds all over the place, i will still fight,
just not now.
because i don't want to hurt you.
and all of these is just me and myself thinking wayyyyyy too much.
i just hope i can still bug you.
should i start bugging you? till you can't take it any longer?
i want to hear you tell me random stuff,
i want to hear you whine to me,
i want to know which part of your game you progressed to.
or even when you reached the high score chart of your game.
i want to hear you saying random stuff about yourself,
then complain and say that you should be studying.
i want to hear you saying that you talk just about anything under the sun,
i want to hear all that, as your friend, as your twinnie,
i'm not thinking so much now.
just as your twinnie will do.
instead of you being bottled up.

crying is tiring

dear twinnie,
i'm so sorry about today.
i should've placed more faith in you.
when you made that remark, i didn't know why i reacted that way.
maybe as you said, i was too shallow.
but i didn't think of it as you deceiving me.
but then again, why i would think so,
probably because, to guys i dunno what you all think,
all these while, i've seen ppl. after NS, totally left SJ.
it's not impossible.
but i was really sad when you said SJ is a waste of your time.
i am disgusted at myself, at the same time, rather disappointed in you,
was shocked that you actually said that of SJ.
but well, maybe i think too much,
maybe it just never crossed my mind that you'd ever say that.
but still, i'm sorry i had such little faith in you,
that i am so shallow.
i need to do some soul searching.

YOG trainings will now be on 17 18 19 20,
from 8pm to 1030pm at NCC HQ.
how the hell are you gonna cope with all that?
you have school from morning to afternoon,
then you have your tuitions,
then you have your homeworks
and the revisions you would probably do.
i can't even bear to start thinking about how tired you're gonna be from all these.
and yet there's nothing i can do to help.
='(

i'm sorry.
i am being the stupid and annoying me as usual.
it's lucky that you didn't know anything.
before i slept yesterday, had alot of time to think things through.
and i was being too much.
what the hell am i doing.
imagine if you knew everything, things would've been worse off.
right now you're just in the state of what i always nagged at you to be.
to study, concentrate on what you should, not to stray too much,
not to tire yourself out, find time for your family and friends.
like what luating said, maybe you really listen to me.
and you're really doing what i said before.
so why am i complaining?
thus i'm sorry that i was too much.
i think too much, only care about myself. then in the end, end up complaining.
but i mean what i said.
i'll stop whining about you to them.
cox somehow, after thinking yesterday, i realised that,
it's as good as talking behind your back.
and why would i want to do that?
i'm sorry, really sorry. about everything.

in the end, who cares?
i am thinking too much right now,
i am expecting too much right now,
i am such an idiot,
i dunno what to do right now,
everytime i'm upset or sad or emo, it's all cox of me and my own doings.
haha.
do i care? do you care? does everyone care?
i dunno.
end of the day, conclusion being, maybe i just don't deserve those around me.
simple as that.

i dunno what's bothering you and what's wrong,
and i dun think i should ask as well.
we're not talking, i'm not taking the initiative cox everything's too tiring for you.
we will grow distant, as expected.
unexpectedly, we are growing distant even when YOG's not over yet.
great.
sometimes i really wonder how much do you care.
you didn't even see me walk right past you,
我们擦肩而过，你都没有发现.
that's how much you dun care? LOL.
why am i blaming you? i've been the one thinking too much what.
right, i am PMS-ing, emo-ing, whatever shit you call it,
i should just emo myself away and cry it out.
then tomorrow will be a brand new day once again.
i shan't talk about you to them anymore.
neither am i gonna think so much anymore.
i'm not gonna whine anymore.
it's really gonna be the case. i bet everyone's sick and tired of my doings.
i'm sorry about everything.
i won't talk so much anymore. it's just rubbish.
my rubbish. i was too self-centred.
right. that's about it.

thinking too much.


this is one thing i tend to do.
haha.
the one thing that makes me such an irritating person,
i'm not emoing,
i chose not to think too much.
there's no point in it cox you'll never know.
but sometimes i do wonder,
maybe it's cox it's you thus i think so much.
thinking so much, is not good,
what lauting and lester said is true.
shouldn't think too much.
=)

one thought just suddenly crossed my mind.
the end of the story seems quite obvious.
maybe my very very initial decision to do things the same way as 3 years ago was correct.
just that i inflict all these pain on myself by allowing all these feelings to continue.
maybe that's the reason why i think we're very weird right now.
maybe if i didn't harbour such feelings,
we wouldn't be so weird.
i wouldn't feel so weird.
i wouldn't be thinking about end of YOG and the uncertainty that follows,
i wouldn't be feeling like crying while making some stuff for you.
i wouldn't be fearing losing you even as a friend, as a twinnie.
it's all self-inflicted.
and then again it's me and my stupid think too much once again.
and that is self-inflicted pain for nothing.
haha~
this is how stupid and troublesome i am.