hmmmm..
CCA Points, CCA Points..
benefits.advantages.whatever you call it...
are these THAT important?
i wonder..
how many people joined CCA thinking about the pros and cons...
thinking about how much CCA points they can reap from it...

well,
it's human nature to consider stuff like that..
because humans don't like,want,wish, etc to be disappointed,
humans want to gain something for the efforts they put in...
it's normal, it's reflex, it's understandable...

but,
throughout the journey of being involved in the CCA, in the activities,
don't you ever change your mind?
don't you get inspired by the hard work everyone puts in together?
don't you even care about what everyone went through together?
hmmm?

sometimes i wonder..
when we graduate from our CCAs,
do we only think about it when we need something from it?
like when we haven't receive our records for sth,
or maybe certain records that we had from the CCAs aids in our current school/work...
or when we need certain back ups to ensure we get good records?
are we all like that?

come to think of it,
now i understand why it's always and forever been the seniors doing everything..
because we, the juniors, are seriously and totally too human-like...
we consider ourselves before others,
we think about what we get to gain from contributing/committing...
and after doing so much, for so long,
the seniors have every single right to feel tired,
to feel sick of it,
to feel like they wouldn't do it if they had a choice...
it's because of us, selfish humanly juniors,
that cause the seniors to be tied down..
can you imagine one day,
if the seniors really can't help it,
when they have no choice,
and had to move on to the next phase of their lives,
what the hell is gonna happen to the CCA?
what's gonna happen to the kids?

i am upset..
i am frustrated with myself..
i am frustrated with being a human-ish human..
i am seriously really really sorry..
i am so damn selfish and so much of a jerk..
i hate myself..
i hate the fact that i'm not doing enough...
=(