hmmm..
today's topic is,
''can't help it''
LOL.. =P
i'm coming up with topics for my posts..
anyways,
here goes..

hmmm...
today,
somehow,
maybe because i'm almost finished reading 1 Litre of Tears,
realised that there are a lot of things in life that is ''can't help it'' one...
like how Kito Aya(that's the real girl's full name),
she was a happy kid,
she was completing her Junior High School,
she was aiming to get into the best Senior High School in her town..
she was normal,
she was carefree,
she was just like anyone of us...
and then,
out of a sudden,
she gets Spinocerebellar Degeneration Disease..
and she has to give up on a lot of things..
walking, being in a normal school, talking, having her own private time, expressing herself...
but she can't do anything..
she ''can't help it''

and then,
come to think of it,
in life,
even for normal people like us,
there are a lot of things that ''can't be helped''
for example,
graduating from secondary school...
no matter how much we miss those times,
no matter how much we can't let go,
no matter how much we wanna continue staying there,
no matter what,
when we have to go,
when we have to leave,
we have to...
we just have to..

another example,
just like for friendship,
sometimes,
no matter how sudden it comes,
no matter how much we regret our actions,
no matter how we hope things can just go back to normal,
sometimes,
it just can't...
maybe friendship is like a love relationship..
the deeper you've loved,
the more painful it'll be when it's over...
i guess,
maybe it's exactly because of how close you've been,
right now, you end up being just as far apart...
sometimes, it can't be helped??
maybe it's just because,
已经缘尽于此了...

有时候，期望越高，到最后，失望就相对的越大

虽然很痛，可是除了学习忍受和忘记，有时候真的没有其他可以做的事了...
if you get what i mean~
haha.. =P
wells, regarding this,
it's not a personal experience..
it's more of my point of view to _________..
i'm not gonna reveal that person..
and you'll never guess who that is..
haha.. =P

wells wells,
with family,
there are also times when things canit be helped...
my maternal grandma's death in 2007 woke me up...
and now, everytime i hear from my paternal grandma that she has an appointment/checkup/treatment/operation,
i simply get really, lost??
and down i guess..
i know things can't be helped,
i know i can't control if the time really comes..
i know and i understand..
but,
i understand myself rather well..
and i know clearly that i am weak psychologically...
or using a more appropriate term,
i'm a very emotional kinda person..
i am fearing and dreading the day that anything happens to any of my family members..
especially both of my paternal grandparents,
who are my only pair of grandparents left...
and ah ma is getting complications and stuff...
she's like on dozens of medication daily...
and a slight knock leaves a huge brownish-red patch of bruising on her skin..
and everytime i see her,
she's got a patch of bruise on a new area of her limbs...
like almost right after healing the old bruise...
but when i see her like that,
yet i can't do anything to help,
i feel really horrible..
i feel that i'm really the worst person on earth..
the worst kinda granddaughter that you can get..
我不想屈服于人生中的无可奈何，

可是我又能怎样？

生，老，病，死

人生必经之路，

但我就是那种白痴，优柔寡断，对事情总是耿耿于怀，死都放不下的大笨蛋...

okays, i'm sounding all EMO here..
haha.. =P
gomen gomen.. ><
hmmm..
wells,
i think from all of the ''can't help it'' that i realised today,
i view life in a different light...
life is so fragile,
like a thin layer of ice...
but at the same time,
life is also strong..
because of the many ''layers of ice'' binding together...
i'm thankful for the people around me..
for everything up until now..
and also just for being there..
from now on too,
Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu~
haha.. =P

sorry if i'm really emo and all...
just that i thought i wanna record my realise-s...
just wants to remember what went through my mind,
at this point in time..
kinda a heavy topic+boring to read huh..
haha.. =P
wells, that's all of my thoughts for today..
JA~