Middle Child Syndrome?
Middle Child Syndrome
Dr Kevin Lehman, a psychologist in the
United States, has conducted extensive
research on birth order in a family and
has some interesting findings.
He has, for example, found that
middle children, that is not the eldest or
the youngest, usually grow up to be welladjusted
and easy-going adults.
These children are often the diplomats
of the family and learn early how
to get along with different personality
types.
However, middle children also tend to
keep their thoughts and feelings inside
and will often avoid conflict at all cost.
These characteristics can cause
problems later in life, especially when
they get married.
When raising a middle child, teach
him or her to open up and talk about
what is going on in his or her life.
Parents are urged to spend a lot of
one-on-one time with them, just to make
them feel special. Most important of all,
they must never compare them with their
other siblings.
something i read from newspaper.. interesting. LOL
5/31/10
5/30/10
i am an unreliable and useless bitch...
i'm late for public duty when my cadets are there early.
i didn't do what i promised to do for ai suan.
in the end i created so much unnecessary problems for everyone..
and not only that, i can't even try to make things better...
in the end they had to solve the problems that i created,
problems that shouldn't have existed in the first place.
i hope you all could blame me or scold me or not forgive me.
rather than be so forgiving to someone who is so useless
who created so much so much problems.
i know it doesn't even bloody help,
but i'm really really very sorry...
i'm late for public duty when my cadets are there early.
i didn't do what i promised to do for ai suan.
in the end i created so much unnecessary problems for everyone..
and not only that, i can't even try to make things better...
in the end they had to solve the problems that i created,
problems that shouldn't have existed in the first place.
i hope you all could blame me or scold me or not forgive me.
rather than be so forgiving to someone who is so useless
who created so much so much problems.
i know it doesn't even bloody help,
but i'm really really very sorry...
5/29/10
哪个比较痛？
a random thought just suddenly struck me.
is it more painful to know then to not contact, or to never have contacted before?
one example is ANCO.
meeting and knowing many people. especially the younger ones and my two cute mother hens.
hahas.
at the end of ANCO camp on 13th June 2010, would it be really painful?
i think, there might be a chance that yours truly might just cry.
partially cox my first born platoon passed ANCO and become leaders who will take over the reins.
but i think one small part of me would be crying because ANCO came to an end.
this year, there seems to be not much time.
i think that the possibility of everyone having an outing together is rather low,
especially with the sec 4s busy with their O levels,
committee wise, the working ones will probably be busy. then Poh Wei will have A levels, Ai Suan Sok Ting will start school and have exams. i myself will have exams too. Jia Hong Kah Meng will be in NS.
somehow, come to think of it, ANCO might just end there and then on 13th June.
or just maybe one last meeting.
thinking of it like that, i feel like crying right now.
it's just, kinda really sad.
though some of us may not be very close,
we may not have a lot to talk about,
but the first time as a committee member, going through the process from start to end,
it's an experience.
really hope that the bond will continue,
we can be friends, not just acquaintances.
i hope that we will see one another more during zone stuff.
i hope that we can take photos together during ZPN and other zone activities.
i hope that we would randomly ask one another out for dinner or outings.
i hope that we can bond and go for outings often, similar to what last year's committee had.
i hope to see this year Sec 4s become Officers or adult members who'd come back after they graduated.
but, sad to say, this is only what i hope for,
it's the ideal.
real life doesn't work that way.
天下无不散之筵席.
but there's just one thing i really hope for,
that when we see each other on the street,
we would go "eh hi"
and maybe have quite alot of things to talk about.
actually, i wondered why i suddenly thought of all these.
this doesn't only apply to ANCO 2010 though.
hahas,
maybe it's my PMS~
or maybe the song that i keep repeating right now.
Sunao ni Narenakute by Sayuri Sugawara.
rough translation means "it's hard to say i love you"
but my idea of this phrase is more like "it's hard to be honest about how you feel"
it's just like everyone of us here.
it's hard to be honest.
we hide our feelings with smiles, laughter, jokes, etc.
but one weird thing is,
all these things used to mask our real feelings,
seemingly would make everyone feel better,
feel less sad about sth when sth sad occurs.
that kinda thing.
haha.
maybe, afterall, i won't cry.
actually no use saying so much now.
will i cry or not, depends on that day itself.
but hopefully, i can leave something for my first born platoon to remember.
both physcially and in the form of something they learned.
i really want to do that for them.
because they are my first born.
just like how intake 07 is my first born batch of NCOs whom i worked with as an officer.
the kinda feeling to leave something for them is that great.
haha.
okay, nuff said.
good thing that nobody visits my blog.
thus i can freely and safely write down all these feelings,
yet continue smiling on.
=)
JA~
a random thought just suddenly struck me.
is it more painful to know then to not contact, or to never have contacted before?
one example is ANCO.
meeting and knowing many people. especially the younger ones and my two cute mother hens.
hahas.
at the end of ANCO camp on 13th June 2010, would it be really painful?
i think, there might be a chance that yours truly might just cry.
partially cox my first born platoon passed ANCO and become leaders who will take over the reins.
but i think one small part of me would be crying because ANCO came to an end.
this year, there seems to be not much time.
i think that the possibility of everyone having an outing together is rather low,
especially with the sec 4s busy with their O levels,
committee wise, the working ones will probably be busy. then Poh Wei will have A levels, Ai Suan Sok Ting will start school and have exams. i myself will have exams too. Jia Hong Kah Meng will be in NS.
somehow, come to think of it, ANCO might just end there and then on 13th June.
or just maybe one last meeting.
thinking of it like that, i feel like crying right now.
it's just, kinda really sad.
though some of us may not be very close,
we may not have a lot to talk about,
but the first time as a committee member, going through the process from start to end,
it's an experience.
really hope that the bond will continue,
we can be friends, not just acquaintances.
i hope that we will see one another more during zone stuff.
i hope that we can take photos together during ZPN and other zone activities.
i hope that we would randomly ask one another out for dinner or outings.
i hope that we can bond and go for outings often, similar to what last year's committee had.
i hope to see this year Sec 4s become Officers or adult members who'd come back after they graduated.
but, sad to say, this is only what i hope for,
it's the ideal.
real life doesn't work that way.
天下无不散之筵席.
but there's just one thing i really hope for,
that when we see each other on the street,
we would go "eh hi"
and maybe have quite alot of things to talk about.
actually, i wondered why i suddenly thought of all these.
this doesn't only apply to ANCO 2010 though.
hahas,
maybe it's my PMS~
or maybe the song that i keep repeating right now.
Sunao ni Narenakute by Sayuri Sugawara.
rough translation means "it's hard to say i love you"
but my idea of this phrase is more like "it's hard to be honest about how you feel"
it's just like everyone of us here.
it's hard to be honest.
we hide our feelings with smiles, laughter, jokes, etc.
but one weird thing is,
all these things used to mask our real feelings,
seemingly would make everyone feel better,
feel less sad about sth when sth sad occurs.
that kinda thing.
haha.
maybe, afterall, i won't cry.
actually no use saying so much now.
will i cry or not, depends on that day itself.
but hopefully, i can leave something for my first born platoon to remember.
both physcially and in the form of something they learned.
i really want to do that for them.
because they are my first born.
just like how intake 07 is my first born batch of NCOs whom i worked with as an officer.
the kinda feeling to leave something for them is that great.
haha.
okay, nuff said.
good thing that nobody visits my blog.
thus i can freely and safely write down all these feelings,
yet continue smiling on.
=)
JA~
5/28/10
Cute lil kids!
Platoon 4 Section 7's cute little kid!
she looks like a baby and she's damn cute~~~
she's cuter when she speaks chinese. haha~ she's gonna kill me for saying that~
but she's really cute i think i would pinch her cheeks one day~~
kekeke. she's just super cute like a lil baby! xD
Mu tou~~~ LOL
he damn cute also~~~
like gin na~~
those who will grab tomato sauce and squeeze on table de cheeky gin na~
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
hmmm, hopefully this year's ANCO will be a relatively smooth and okay one.
worried for the mini lil kids.
they really very dead dead one.
haix...
just hope things will work,
and i can see my first born platoon pass out as capable NCOs,
who can become pillars to their corps.
i think in the coming 2 weeks i wun get to see them,
unless their meeting is held in the evening.
during this 2 weeks i need to kick out my friendly behaviour.
no more smile when unnecessary.
just like in ATC this year.
then at the end of it all,
through all the experiences they will have as a platoon,
they will pass out as friends who will work together,
for the future of Zone 10.
i hope that this year's ANCO will be a memorable and irreplacable experience for them,
like how OTC was one hell of an experience for me.
this is my one aim for ANCO.
=)
Platoon 4 Section 7's cute little kid!
she looks like a baby and she's damn cute~~~
she's cuter when she speaks chinese. haha~ she's gonna kill me for saying that~
but she's really cute i think i would pinch her cheeks one day~~
kekeke. she's just super cute like a lil baby! xD
Mu tou~~~ LOL
he damn cute also~~~
like gin na~~
those who will grab tomato sauce and squeeze on table de cheeky gin na~
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
hmmm, hopefully this year's ANCO will be a relatively smooth and okay one.
worried for the mini lil kids.
they really very dead dead one.
haix...
just hope things will work,
and i can see my first born platoon pass out as capable NCOs,
who can become pillars to their corps.
i think in the coming 2 weeks i wun get to see them,
unless their meeting is held in the evening.
during this 2 weeks i need to kick out my friendly behaviour.
no more smile when unnecessary.
just like in ATC this year.
then at the end of it all,
through all the experiences they will have as a platoon,
they will pass out as friends who will work together,
for the future of Zone 10.
i hope that this year's ANCO will be a memorable and irreplacable experience for them,
like how OTC was one hell of an experience for me.
this is my one aim for ANCO.
=)
5/27/10
what do you fucking want?
are we just simply not allowed to have any entertainment or any friends or do something that we want to do?
i give you a comp, teach you all the stupid things, you CONFIRM will do the same as what we are doing now, so you shut up.
just cox you're my dad, i respect you,
alot of things i wanted to say in your fucking face i swallowed it down.
you always want things your way,
you spare a thot for us, yes,
but you got think from our point of view not?
SJ is not a burden or a CCA.
yes you will think that's stupid.
but trust me, without SJ, your daughters would've become bitches and idiots who dun know how to care for other people.
why are you so fucking selfish?
and you're not working now,
why are you bloody stressing youself?
you're my mum, yes, i should help you,
but why is it that doing housework will make you think we're treating you as maid or sth?
yes we are wrong for not helping,
but can you like stop complaining?
i dunno.
maybe if this continues,
i dunno what i'll do.
this is the fucking family i love, the one that i thot was my pillar.
apparently not.
why am i always in the wrong. just freaking why?
maybe my time in this world is up, i should just go and die.
at least at that point of time, you will be sad,
at that point of time, you cry for a few days,
you will get over it and move on,
then maybe this family will seem happier.
are we just simply not allowed to have any entertainment or any friends or do something that we want to do?
i give you a comp, teach you all the stupid things, you CONFIRM will do the same as what we are doing now, so you shut up.
just cox you're my dad, i respect you,
alot of things i wanted to say in your fucking face i swallowed it down.
you always want things your way,
you spare a thot for us, yes,
but you got think from our point of view not?
SJ is not a burden or a CCA.
yes you will think that's stupid.
but trust me, without SJ, your daughters would've become bitches and idiots who dun know how to care for other people.
why are you so fucking selfish?
and you're not working now,
why are you bloody stressing youself?
you're my mum, yes, i should help you,
but why is it that doing housework will make you think we're treating you as maid or sth?
yes we are wrong for not helping,
but can you like stop complaining?
i dunno.
maybe if this continues,
i dunno what i'll do.
this is the fucking family i love, the one that i thot was my pillar.
apparently not.
why am i always in the wrong. just freaking why?
maybe my time in this world is up, i should just go and die.
at least at that point of time, you will be sad,
at that point of time, you cry for a few days,
you will get over it and move on,
then maybe this family will seem happier.
5/26/10
human character is where i place my faith in.
after thinking through,
i came to the conclusion that we can only look forward.
if anyone wants to pinpoint things and state who's responsibility it is,
let's do that after the comp.
i can sit down and listen to your piece on that subject after the comp.
right now, i am looking forward.
we are constantly walking and, no, there's no way you can turn around and run back to where time was.
so for now, i can and will only do what i can do.
i won't skip lessons or do anything stupid just so i can go down to training.
i will simply find every single ounce of my free time to go to your trainings,
train with you all as much as i can,
help you all as much as i can,
then see what will happen on 6th June.
and those who's been missing training,
or prefer to do something else other than training,
i've already done the necessary talk to people i should talk to,
i believe and have faith in your charcter,
in you as a person,
in you all as people,
as a human being whom i've seen, worked with for the past 4 years,
that problems will be resolved,
things can get done.
it is in your nature and character that i place my trust in.
because other than that, there's nothing else stronger that i can find,
to place my trust in, and for you to gain strength from the faith and trust.
the safest place i can place this strength, which is the only thing we have left,
is in your character, and in mine.
i believe in you, and actions speaks louder than words.
all of us, let's do something.
whatever the results may be, that will only be known when the time comes.
what matters most is what we're gonna do now.
and we shall do it. and talk no more.
cox actions speaks louder than words.
in all of your characters, i found strength.
=)
after thinking through,
i came to the conclusion that we can only look forward.
if anyone wants to pinpoint things and state who's responsibility it is,
let's do that after the comp.
i can sit down and listen to your piece on that subject after the comp.
right now, i am looking forward.
we are constantly walking and, no, there's no way you can turn around and run back to where time was.
so for now, i can and will only do what i can do.
i won't skip lessons or do anything stupid just so i can go down to training.
i will simply find every single ounce of my free time to go to your trainings,
train with you all as much as i can,
help you all as much as i can,
then see what will happen on 6th June.
and those who's been missing training,
or prefer to do something else other than training,
i've already done the necessary talk to people i should talk to,
i believe and have faith in your charcter,
in you as a person,
in you all as people,
as a human being whom i've seen, worked with for the past 4 years,
that problems will be resolved,
things can get done.
it is in your nature and character that i place my trust in.
because other than that, there's nothing else stronger that i can find,
to place my trust in, and for you to gain strength from the faith and trust.
the safest place i can place this strength, which is the only thing we have left,
is in your character, and in mine.
i believe in you, and actions speaks louder than words.
all of us, let's do something.
whatever the results may be, that will only be known when the time comes.
what matters most is what we're gonna do now.
and we shall do it. and talk no more.
cox actions speaks louder than words.
in all of your characters, i found strength.
=)
5/25/10
something has to be wrong every single day since dunno when.
why are things this way?
it must be something to do with me
now i'm beginning to wonder whether the root of all these problems actually began with me.
this isn't called self-blaming.
if you think carefully, what i'm saying is true.
maybe i bit off more than i could chew.
maybe it's just not meant to be.
what really shocked me is how SJ makes you all feel now.
even if you didn't say so, it feels like SJ is something shameful that you dun want to be linked to.
it's like SJ is the sole thing that destroys your life.
low morale,
frankly speaking, i've got nothing on my hands now to deal with this problem.
i've got nothing i know that can boost morale.
i guess i have been selfish.
taking up everything available,
thinking that i'm actually helping seniors, squadmates, juniors to be worry-free.
in actual fact i'm the sole person preventing them from coming back,
right?
SJ is no one-man show.
it never was, it never is, it never will be.
this is a grave mistake i've made
is there any solutions to clear up the mess now?
i wonder.
quitting is not an option, it never is.
but what should i do?
dying doesn't help too.
pushing or encouraging people, i wonder if it works.
i dunno what to do now, seriously.
i need to think, but i think i might just bang my head on the wall.
how much more can i do?
how much longer can i last?
WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO SO THAT GESS SJAB CAN IMPROVE?
i dun freaking know.
but i shall find the answer now,
despite seeing no direction.
why are things this way?
it must be something to do with me
now i'm beginning to wonder whether the root of all these problems actually began with me.
this isn't called self-blaming.
if you think carefully, what i'm saying is true.
maybe i bit off more than i could chew.
maybe it's just not meant to be.
what really shocked me is how SJ makes you all feel now.
even if you didn't say so, it feels like SJ is something shameful that you dun want to be linked to.
it's like SJ is the sole thing that destroys your life.
low morale,
frankly speaking, i've got nothing on my hands now to deal with this problem.
i've got nothing i know that can boost morale.
i guess i have been selfish.
taking up everything available,
thinking that i'm actually helping seniors, squadmates, juniors to be worry-free.
in actual fact i'm the sole person preventing them from coming back,
right?
SJ is no one-man show.
it never was, it never is, it never will be.
this is a grave mistake i've made
is there any solutions to clear up the mess now?
i wonder.
quitting is not an option, it never is.
but what should i do?
dying doesn't help too.
pushing or encouraging people, i wonder if it works.
i dunno what to do now, seriously.
i need to think, but i think i might just bang my head on the wall.
how much more can i do?
how much longer can i last?
WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO SO THAT GESS SJAB CAN IMPROVE?
i dun freaking know.
but i shall find the answer now,
despite seeing no direction.
5/24/10
so to become RESPONSIBLE ppl who THINK FOR THE FAMILY,
i'm supposed to cut off all connections with my friends, not go out with anyone just cox you want my time to be spent at home.
and i am supposed to be doing homework and your BLOODY housework for 24/7
and i am supposed to be an anti-social asshole who thinks for myself and not take up jobs.
and i am supposed to be selfish and THROW THINGS to OTHERS to do.
YOU ARE THE BLOODY PERSON WHO TAUGHT ME TO THINK FOR OTHER PEOPLE AND NOW YOU ARE FUCKING EATING YOUR OWN WORDS.
IS THAT WHAT A "GOOD" PERSON IS SUPPOSED TO BE?
IF THAT'S THE BLOODY CASE I AIM TO BE A BAD PERSON!
FUCK MAN, SERIOUSLY FUCK. THERE ARE SO MANY MORE THINGS THAT I COULD DO,
SO MANY MORE THINGS THAT I COULD SIGN UP FOR,
SO MANY PEOPLE I SHOULDN'T PANGSEH FOR OUTINGS ETC
IN THE END THIS IS THE KINDA SHIT I HEAR.
I NEVER THINK OF YOU ALL
I NEVER THINK OF YOU ALL I WILL CHOOSE TO COME HOME AFTER SCHOOL BEFORE I GO MEETING
I NEVER THINK OF YOU ALL I WILL CHOOSE NOT TO GO FOR CERTAIN THINGS THAT I WOULD HAVE GLADLY GO FOR.
I NEVER THINK OF YOU ALL I WILL CHOOSE TO BE VIEWED AS ANTI-SOCIAL BY OTHER PEOPLE COX I DIDN'T GO FOR ALL THE BLOODY BONDING OUTINGS.
YES MY SUFFERING IS SO MUCH LESS THAN YOU ALL,
BUT YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE OUTCASTED?
THAT'S WHAT HAS BEEN WITH ME SINCE YOUNG.
IT'S NOT SO BAD NOW BUT IT'S STILL GOING ON,
AND IT'S CAUSED BY ME CHOOSING NOT TO GO FOR BONDING SESSIONS.
COX I DIDN'T GO, I CAN'T BOND,
OBVIOUSLY I WUN BE BONDED WITH THEM.
FUCK LA, THIS IS ALL MY BLOODY FAULT RIGHT?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SHIT.
i'm supposed to cut off all connections with my friends, not go out with anyone just cox you want my time to be spent at home.
and i am supposed to be doing homework and your BLOODY housework for 24/7
and i am supposed to be an anti-social asshole who thinks for myself and not take up jobs.
and i am supposed to be selfish and THROW THINGS to OTHERS to do.
YOU ARE THE BLOODY PERSON WHO TAUGHT ME TO THINK FOR OTHER PEOPLE AND NOW YOU ARE FUCKING EATING YOUR OWN WORDS.
IS THAT WHAT A "GOOD" PERSON IS SUPPOSED TO BE?
IF THAT'S THE BLOODY CASE I AIM TO BE A BAD PERSON!
FUCK MAN, SERIOUSLY FUCK. THERE ARE SO MANY MORE THINGS THAT I COULD DO,
SO MANY MORE THINGS THAT I COULD SIGN UP FOR,
SO MANY PEOPLE I SHOULDN'T PANGSEH FOR OUTINGS ETC
IN THE END THIS IS THE KINDA SHIT I HEAR.
I NEVER THINK OF YOU ALL
I NEVER THINK OF YOU ALL I WILL CHOOSE TO COME HOME AFTER SCHOOL BEFORE I GO MEETING
I NEVER THINK OF YOU ALL I WILL CHOOSE NOT TO GO FOR CERTAIN THINGS THAT I WOULD HAVE GLADLY GO FOR.
I NEVER THINK OF YOU ALL I WILL CHOOSE TO BE VIEWED AS ANTI-SOCIAL BY OTHER PEOPLE COX I DIDN'T GO FOR ALL THE BLOODY BONDING OUTINGS.
YES MY SUFFERING IS SO MUCH LESS THAN YOU ALL,
BUT YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE OUTCASTED?
THAT'S WHAT HAS BEEN WITH ME SINCE YOUNG.
IT'S NOT SO BAD NOW BUT IT'S STILL GOING ON,
AND IT'S CAUSED BY ME CHOOSING NOT TO GO FOR BONDING SESSIONS.
COX I DIDN'T GO, I CAN'T BOND,
OBVIOUSLY I WUN BE BONDED WITH THEM.
FUCK LA, THIS IS ALL MY BLOODY FAULT RIGHT?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SHIT.
for your information, screaming at me because jie is late in coming home isn't gonna change anything.
and screaming at her has very little effect.
but personally i think jie, you need to like wake up your idea and be bloody more considerate to your parents.
have an awareness that the whole family balance is bloody delicate now.
in case you dunno, dandan just got into trouble with his student care teachers today,
mummy seems unstable,
and daddy is stressed over something that i dun fully know.
everyone is getting cranky now, do you mind like making their problems with you seem less obvious?
come back late can say first?
i suppose you probably know what time you would come back,
please like let us know beforehand can?
doesn't mean they scream at you then you should just be angry with them then dun let them know where you are.
you're a girl, it's damn late, they are bloody worried.
please la, you dun need them to be more stressed and give you more problems.
neither do i.
please do something.
and screaming at her has very little effect.
but personally i think jie, you need to like wake up your idea and be bloody more considerate to your parents.
have an awareness that the whole family balance is bloody delicate now.
in case you dunno, dandan just got into trouble with his student care teachers today,
mummy seems unstable,
and daddy is stressed over something that i dun fully know.
everyone is getting cranky now, do you mind like making their problems with you seem less obvious?
come back late can say first?
i suppose you probably know what time you would come back,
please like let us know beforehand can?
doesn't mean they scream at you then you should just be angry with them then dun let them know where you are.
you're a girl, it's damn late, they are bloody worried.
please la, you dun need them to be more stressed and give you more problems.
neither do i.
please do something.
past few days have been a little hectic,
thurs zone meeting, friday was nice cox i was free, then saturday was a series of events, then stayed over at HQ, ytd was ANCO briefing day.
the SNCOs told me i should be office girl next time,
just cox of the sorting of papers. HAHA~
ytd had alot of things happening,
Kah Meng sir is scary, OFFICIAL.
he smile at you, you should go crazy, LOL.
but he should be damn sad, cox he's still "30". haha~ =P
ytd alot of things to think through.
actually i think P4 is okay,
maybe cox of the fact that i mentioned what i observe abit too clearly,
the senior officers kinda misunderstand that my P4 kids have a lot of problem.
i think it's more of a miss on my side,
that i didn't coordinate well enough,
or rather maybe i should've devised a plan with Bin Koon and Rui Ting first before we handled the kids.
that would've made things clearer.
but it's okay, since it's over
things can change from this moment onwards.
one core duty i need to do is to rid the kids of their tendency to depend on seniors.
they need to be leaders who think and able to make decisions,
yes they can consult, but not depend.
and i hope i would keep things in check and not over-stress Bin Koon and Rui Ting,
cox these two, as far as i can see,
are two kids that are leaders with good personality and character.
things will go well. 3 of us can bring up proper and good leaders of St John's tomorrow.
=)
as for the rest of ANCO,
ytd, had alot of awareness with regards to what we need to do,
i love phone calls with sokting!
discussed about things and set things to do.
detailing needs to be done.
but no worries, we can do it.
target that tingxin has is to settle the things by 31st may.
it's not easy but it's not that difficult.
it can be done! =D
and it's not called arrowing, it's called TEAMWORK.
if everyone runs away from the "so-called" arrowing,
then who's gonna do the job, right?
so please dun call it arrowing. tyvm. haha~
as for overall, SJ wise,
glad about some things ba,
things like the sec 3s picking up things bit by bit.
problems with cadets, as always, it's there.
i think it's come to a time when i should let NCOs and NCOs-to-be to handle that,
cox i can't take away their power like that,
and i can't be there forever,
i can do stuff for corps,
but i can't be there every training you see...
hopefully things get settled or at least scaled down.
a bit of things on hand for corps,
but can coordinate de.
so no worries.
FAC wise, i'm really sorry and ashamed to say that,
i failed at coordinating everything,
and things are gonna get screwed up TOTALLY.
and the relations within SJ, well, i think i have heavily misunderstood alot of things.
probably cox i thought that more means better.
seeing them more doesn't equates to knowing them bettter.
seeing them more doesn't mean that i am closer to them.
i've fully understood.
i thought i was close to them but apparently not.
evidently, it all goes back to square one.
back to everything that started in 2005 and ended in 2008.
dun worry, it's not that i'm jealous cox you all are closer to who who and who.
it's just that i feel shameful to have assumed or even thought that we were close.
sorry for misunderstanding,
i'm not being spiteful. really,
i'm just embarrassed at the fact that i probably behaved in a way that made you all feel uncomfortable,
that made you all feel paiseh that "why is tingxin acting like she's close to me and all?"
sorry about that, really,
i should've been more self-conscious and know when to draw the line.
so that you need not suffer anymore.
i guess life's always like that.
human-human relations, there's always a party that thinks too much,
or go overboard,
to the extend that the other party is affected.
in this case, the other parties.
still regard you all as though you are my younger siblings,
still respect you all for all your hard work,
sill grateful to you all for your help and all that you've done,
but i will not make you all feel uncomfortable anymore.
wun unnecessarily do anything, or ask anything anymore.
it's not that i dun wanna know, just that perhaps it's not something you all would want me to know.
frankly speaking, i'm rather sad that things turned out this way,
because i was really happy thinking that we are close,
well, guess i'm just too much,
i've always been too much, i realised.
i'm sorry.
but i still cherish and love you all as true friends who'd never be replaced.
in SJ, there's always ppl who do random things at the wrong time.
or rather do irresponsible things at the wrong time.
sometimes i really regret my decisions.
quality always beats quantity.
this is a lesson i've learnt.
i didn't know that things will be done till that extend.
now i have the awareness,
i learnt my lesson, i wun make the same mistake again.
i won't trust what i can't trust anymore.
and i should buck up also.
this matter is my fault.
cox i was the one who decided to contact that person so that i can send in "enough" ppl,
in the end such things happened and that person didn't turn up and caused a hell lot of problems.
sorry for the trouble to the ANCO committee.
as for the rest of my life,
family wise it's okay,
but ah ma is, haix.
problems occuring here and there with her health,
to the extend that saying she's got problems from head-to-toe isn't an exaggeration.
and then she still keeps worrying about jie and i,
whether we have enough to eat, whether we face any problems.
i really hope nothing happens to her.
let nothing happen to her please.
i really hope that she can live to witness dandan becoming an adult,
that she gets the chance to let me bring her on a tour or travel,
that she gets to cuddle jie or my child in her arms and smile happily.
dun let anything happen to her. let her be healthy and safe.
and, a bit worried for mummy cox she's not working.
i am praying that history will never repeat itself again.
really.
dandan's grades,
i'm really ashamed to say that i dun even know what's going on.
only thing i know is that his mid-years are over.
hopefully there are improvements.
daddy, i think there's alot of stress on him,
in terms of mummy and us.
hopefully nothing goes wrong for him.
jie, well, i really wonder what's wrong.
recently, i dunno why, you just simply hate me or something?
when you talk to me, or i talk to you,
we either end up cold war or you start shouting at me,
or the other way round,
is it cox you're tired? or just simply you hate the sight of me?
or everything wrong in your life has got something to do with me?
yes i know i am irresponsible and didn't do things and you are stressed.
but i really wonder what is wrong with us,
why is it that you only talk when you need me to do something.
why is it that whenever i try talking to you, the moment the first word comes outta my mouth, you start frowning and giving me an irritated face.
i've said before, if you're unhappy, or i did anything wrong, SAY.
i wun know if you dun say.
life wise,
been procrastinating,
work undone etc,
but quizzes wise, still alright.
been passing, occasionally a little above average.
but i've been missing out on alot of things ba,
in terms of human-human interaction.
but i guess it's just me being anti-social.
and also cox of my poor financial management skills.
sorry that i haven't returned money to quite a few people.
resolution of june is to return everything and never to borrow/owe money again.
seriously.
i should wake up my idea.
i should starve to death than to borrow money.
cox it's not fair to the lender.
i'm really sorry people.
that i've been such a troublesome person.
that i've been non-participative in everything.
i need to reflect on my life.
it's been 18 years now, and what kinda person have i become?
there are so many flaws in my character and it's simply disgusting that i am behaving this way.
sometimes i really feel that i dun deserve all the people around me.
all these nice people, those who didn't ditch me even though i suck,
those who stand by me even though i am completely useless.
those who care for me even when i'm like that,
those who will tell me this and that cox they're scared i'd miss out on things,
those who are willing to lend me their ears to listen to what i have to say.
those who accepted me.
thank you all of you.
i will change, i will be better.
and i'm sorry.
thurs zone meeting, friday was nice cox i was free, then saturday was a series of events, then stayed over at HQ, ytd was ANCO briefing day.
the SNCOs told me i should be office girl next time,
just cox of the sorting of papers. HAHA~
ytd had alot of things happening,
Kah Meng sir is scary, OFFICIAL.
he smile at you, you should go crazy, LOL.
but he should be damn sad, cox he's still "30". haha~ =P
ytd alot of things to think through.
actually i think P4 is okay,
maybe cox of the fact that i mentioned what i observe abit too clearly,
the senior officers kinda misunderstand that my P4 kids have a lot of problem.
i think it's more of a miss on my side,
that i didn't coordinate well enough,
or rather maybe i should've devised a plan with Bin Koon and Rui Ting first before we handled the kids.
that would've made things clearer.
but it's okay, since it's over
things can change from this moment onwards.
one core duty i need to do is to rid the kids of their tendency to depend on seniors.
they need to be leaders who think and able to make decisions,
yes they can consult, but not depend.
and i hope i would keep things in check and not over-stress Bin Koon and Rui Ting,
cox these two, as far as i can see,
are two kids that are leaders with good personality and character.
things will go well. 3 of us can bring up proper and good leaders of St John's tomorrow.
=)
as for the rest of ANCO,
ytd, had alot of awareness with regards to what we need to do,
i love phone calls with sokting!
discussed about things and set things to do.
detailing needs to be done.
but no worries, we can do it.
target that tingxin has is to settle the things by 31st may.
it's not easy but it's not that difficult.
it can be done! =D
and it's not called arrowing, it's called TEAMWORK.
if everyone runs away from the "so-called" arrowing,
then who's gonna do the job, right?
so please dun call it arrowing. tyvm. haha~
as for overall, SJ wise,
glad about some things ba,
things like the sec 3s picking up things bit by bit.
problems with cadets, as always, it's there.
i think it's come to a time when i should let NCOs and NCOs-to-be to handle that,
cox i can't take away their power like that,
and i can't be there forever,
i can do stuff for corps,
but i can't be there every training you see...
hopefully things get settled or at least scaled down.
a bit of things on hand for corps,
but can coordinate de.
so no worries.
FAC wise, i'm really sorry and ashamed to say that,
i failed at coordinating everything,
and things are gonna get screwed up TOTALLY.
and the relations within SJ, well, i think i have heavily misunderstood alot of things.
probably cox i thought that more means better.
seeing them more doesn't equates to knowing them bettter.
seeing them more doesn't mean that i am closer to them.
i've fully understood.
i thought i was close to them but apparently not.
evidently, it all goes back to square one.
back to everything that started in 2005 and ended in 2008.
dun worry, it's not that i'm jealous cox you all are closer to who who and who.
it's just that i feel shameful to have assumed or even thought that we were close.
sorry for misunderstanding,
i'm not being spiteful. really,
i'm just embarrassed at the fact that i probably behaved in a way that made you all feel uncomfortable,
that made you all feel paiseh that "why is tingxin acting like she's close to me and all?"
sorry about that, really,
i should've been more self-conscious and know when to draw the line.
so that you need not suffer anymore.
i guess life's always like that.
human-human relations, there's always a party that thinks too much,
or go overboard,
to the extend that the other party is affected.
in this case, the other parties.
still regard you all as though you are my younger siblings,
still respect you all for all your hard work,
sill grateful to you all for your help and all that you've done,
but i will not make you all feel uncomfortable anymore.
wun unnecessarily do anything, or ask anything anymore.
it's not that i dun wanna know, just that perhaps it's not something you all would want me to know.
frankly speaking, i'm rather sad that things turned out this way,
because i was really happy thinking that we are close,
well, guess i'm just too much,
i've always been too much, i realised.
i'm sorry.
but i still cherish and love you all as true friends who'd never be replaced.
in SJ, there's always ppl who do random things at the wrong time.
or rather do irresponsible things at the wrong time.
sometimes i really regret my decisions.
quality always beats quantity.
this is a lesson i've learnt.
i didn't know that things will be done till that extend.
now i have the awareness,
i learnt my lesson, i wun make the same mistake again.
i won't trust what i can't trust anymore.
and i should buck up also.
this matter is my fault.
cox i was the one who decided to contact that person so that i can send in "enough" ppl,
in the end such things happened and that person didn't turn up and caused a hell lot of problems.
sorry for the trouble to the ANCO committee.
as for the rest of my life,
family wise it's okay,
but ah ma is, haix.
problems occuring here and there with her health,
to the extend that saying she's got problems from head-to-toe isn't an exaggeration.
and then she still keeps worrying about jie and i,
whether we have enough to eat, whether we face any problems.
i really hope nothing happens to her.
let nothing happen to her please.
i really hope that she can live to witness dandan becoming an adult,
that she gets the chance to let me bring her on a tour or travel,
that she gets to cuddle jie or my child in her arms and smile happily.
dun let anything happen to her. let her be healthy and safe.
and, a bit worried for mummy cox she's not working.
i am praying that history will never repeat itself again.
really.
dandan's grades,
i'm really ashamed to say that i dun even know what's going on.
only thing i know is that his mid-years are over.
hopefully there are improvements.
daddy, i think there's alot of stress on him,
in terms of mummy and us.
hopefully nothing goes wrong for him.
jie, well, i really wonder what's wrong.
recently, i dunno why, you just simply hate me or something?
when you talk to me, or i talk to you,
we either end up cold war or you start shouting at me,
or the other way round,
is it cox you're tired? or just simply you hate the sight of me?
or everything wrong in your life has got something to do with me?
yes i know i am irresponsible and didn't do things and you are stressed.
but i really wonder what is wrong with us,
why is it that you only talk when you need me to do something.
why is it that whenever i try talking to you, the moment the first word comes outta my mouth, you start frowning and giving me an irritated face.
i've said before, if you're unhappy, or i did anything wrong, SAY.
i wun know if you dun say.
life wise,
been procrastinating,
work undone etc,
but quizzes wise, still alright.
been passing, occasionally a little above average.
but i've been missing out on alot of things ba,
in terms of human-human interaction.
but i guess it's just me being anti-social.
and also cox of my poor financial management skills.
sorry that i haven't returned money to quite a few people.
resolution of june is to return everything and never to borrow/owe money again.
seriously.
i should wake up my idea.
i should starve to death than to borrow money.
cox it's not fair to the lender.
i'm really sorry people.
that i've been such a troublesome person.
that i've been non-participative in everything.
i need to reflect on my life.
it's been 18 years now, and what kinda person have i become?
there are so many flaws in my character and it's simply disgusting that i am behaving this way.
sometimes i really feel that i dun deserve all the people around me.
all these nice people, those who didn't ditch me even though i suck,
those who stand by me even though i am completely useless.
those who care for me even when i'm like that,
those who will tell me this and that cox they're scared i'd miss out on things,
those who are willing to lend me their ears to listen to what i have to say.
those who accepted me.
thank you all of you.
i will change, i will be better.
and i'm sorry.
5/17/10
there will be war at home tonight,
just simply cox someone who teaches chose to break the trust that a student has in her,
and go on to create trouble for the student.
simply "fantastic" man,
right at the time when mummy stopped working,
at a time when she has loads of time on her hand to ponder and worry about things,
and right at this point in time, loads of shit comes in..
it's like everything's a mess right now.
you know 2010 is not a very good year so far.
ah ma's health problems,
family problem,
mummy stopping work,
SJ side problems keep popping up,
LSCMSS matter,
this and that, everything didn't went as smoothly as it could or should have been...
this sucks, seriously.
i just really hope nothing else goes wrong anymore...
i dun think my whole family can take it,
and i dun think everyone involved in all the problems can handle it either...
2010, please become a better year..
just simply cox someone who teaches chose to break the trust that a student has in her,
and go on to create trouble for the student.
simply "fantastic" man,
right at the time when mummy stopped working,
at a time when she has loads of time on her hand to ponder and worry about things,
and right at this point in time, loads of shit comes in..
it's like everything's a mess right now.
you know 2010 is not a very good year so far.
ah ma's health problems,
family problem,
mummy stopping work,
SJ side problems keep popping up,
LSCMSS matter,
this and that, everything didn't went as smoothly as it could or should have been...
this sucks, seriously.
i just really hope nothing else goes wrong anymore...
i dun think my whole family can take it,
and i dun think everyone involved in all the problems can handle it either...
2010, please become a better year..
5/15/10
5/11/10
right,
so nothing good comes outta my mouth,
everytime when i am involved in something,
let's say, teasing or sth,
somehow or rather the person being teased will think that things are overboard,
and then talk to those who teased about it.
i'm sorry that i went overboard,
but somehow when i was involved, things get outta hand,
this clearly shows that it's my fault.
maybe i shouldn't even have tried to become less serious, more fun as a person,
then such things wun happen,
ppl wun get hurt.
cox i dun deserve and isn't suited for such stuff.
i should just stick to what i am supposed to do,
talk to ppl who can take things,
teasing, i should quit doing it,
else things get outta hand.
seemingly, i think the problem doesn't lie with the action,
but the person.
meaning it's not the teasing action that the ppl involved can't take,
it's just simply cox it's me. it's bloody Poh Ting Xin the fucking bitch that ppl can't stand.
fine, so be it.
i shall not talk about stuff anymore huh,
and shall stop being extra and trying to be like others who do such stuff,
cox apparently ppl can't stand the fact that Poh Ting Xin is doing such stuff.
who the hell does Poh Ting Xin think she is?
does she deserve to do such things that's less serious?
apparently not.
nvm, forget it, i should've realised such things earlier.
ppl cna tease others but can't take the teasing themselves.
i get it.
there'd be a change,
i promise. i swear.
i wun simply be so blunt and go around treating you like you can take the teasing.
dun worry.
if you can't take it i wun even talk much to you, in case even my voice pisses you off.
this bloody post isn't directed at anyone,
it's generally speaking of trends i notice.
if i offend you, i'm sorry.
but i really need an outlet to talk about things.
if you're unhappy about it, i apologise.
so nothing good comes outta my mouth,
everytime when i am involved in something,
let's say, teasing or sth,
somehow or rather the person being teased will think that things are overboard,
and then talk to those who teased about it.
i'm sorry that i went overboard,
but somehow when i was involved, things get outta hand,
this clearly shows that it's my fault.
maybe i shouldn't even have tried to become less serious, more fun as a person,
then such things wun happen,
ppl wun get hurt.
cox i dun deserve and isn't suited for such stuff.
i should just stick to what i am supposed to do,
talk to ppl who can take things,
teasing, i should quit doing it,
else things get outta hand.
seemingly, i think the problem doesn't lie with the action,
but the person.
meaning it's not the teasing action that the ppl involved can't take,
it's just simply cox it's me. it's bloody Poh Ting Xin the fucking bitch that ppl can't stand.
fine, so be it.
i shall not talk about stuff anymore huh,
and shall stop being extra and trying to be like others who do such stuff,
cox apparently ppl can't stand the fact that Poh Ting Xin is doing such stuff.
who the hell does Poh Ting Xin think she is?
does she deserve to do such things that's less serious?
apparently not.
nvm, forget it, i should've realised such things earlier.
ppl cna tease others but can't take the teasing themselves.
i get it.
there'd be a change,
i promise. i swear.
i wun simply be so blunt and go around treating you like you can take the teasing.
dun worry.
if you can't take it i wun even talk much to you, in case even my voice pisses you off.
this bloody post isn't directed at anyone,
it's generally speaking of trends i notice.
if i offend you, i'm sorry.
but i really need an outlet to talk about things.
if you're unhappy about it, i apologise.
5/5/10
蛋蛋长大了！
he's all grown up now.
today, came home straight after school.
initially thought that dandan was bathing or sth,
then after i closed the door, he came along knocking on the door,
shouting "mummy, 开门"
then opened the door and he's carrying all his stuff on his own,
and on top of that, he was holding on to a packet of rice.
that is his dinner. and he went to pack his own dinner himself.
it made both jie and i amazed at the fact,
that our whiny little monster is actually all grown up right now,
and that he could do stuff like buy his own dinner,
and come home from the student care centre downstairs.
it's not a very long distance, but think about it,
this little monster has never done these things on his own before,
and yet today he managed to do it,
and do it rather well too.
this is amazing, and it made me feel that he's grown up already.
he can do things on his own already.
he's slowly maturing.
this kinda feeling is amazing and heartwarming,
cox it's like seeing a seed grow up to become a strong plant.
and i feel so proud of him.
it's something small, minor, tiny, almost nothing,
but i think at least it's something,
and it is the first step.
=)
he's all grown up now.
today, came home straight after school.
initially thought that dandan was bathing or sth,
then after i closed the door, he came along knocking on the door,
shouting "mummy, 开门"
then opened the door and he's carrying all his stuff on his own,
and on top of that, he was holding on to a packet of rice.
that is his dinner. and he went to pack his own dinner himself.
it made both jie and i amazed at the fact,
that our whiny little monster is actually all grown up right now,
and that he could do stuff like buy his own dinner,
and come home from the student care centre downstairs.
it's not a very long distance, but think about it,
this little monster has never done these things on his own before,
and yet today he managed to do it,
and do it rather well too.
this is amazing, and it made me feel that he's grown up already.
he can do things on his own already.
he's slowly maturing.
this kinda feeling is amazing and heartwarming,
cox it's like seeing a seed grow up to become a strong plant.
and i feel so proud of him.
it's something small, minor, tiny, almost nothing,
but i think at least it's something,
and it is the first step.
=)
5/2/10
i should stop running away from what i am supposed to do.
i feel so stupid to be right here feeling like that.
i am feeling mood-less to do things right now.
i dunno why.
i just keep going to facebook etc,
instead of doing what i'm supposed to do.
Z10 LS BBQ, ANCO, SMKT project part,
quite a few stuff on hand that i needa do,
but i haven't completed them.
why.
i feel so ashamed to be feeling mood-less right now.
i am not supposed to be feeling this way.
i am breaking the promise i made to myself,
one by one.
this sucks.
right, i shall have 5 more minutes,
then i will force myself to focus.
i feel so stupid to be right here feeling like that.
i am feeling mood-less to do things right now.
i dunno why.
i just keep going to facebook etc,
instead of doing what i'm supposed to do.
Z10 LS BBQ, ANCO, SMKT project part,
quite a few stuff on hand that i needa do,
but i haven't completed them.
why.
i feel so ashamed to be feeling mood-less right now.
i am not supposed to be feeling this way.
i am breaking the promise i made to myself,
one by one.
this sucks.
right, i shall have 5 more minutes,
then i will force myself to focus.
5/1/10
SURPRISE!
Thanks so much to Ming Ming Jie, Ming Yueh Jie, Yi Lin Jie and Daniel for the bag and early wishes.
i feel really guilty now cox the bag's ex..
><
really thanks alot~
i dunno how to express how i feel, but really really thanks so much.
and i really like that bag! cox it's red! =D
hmmm, that said, may will be a month full of surprises,
i'd be surprising ppl that is! heeheehee~ xD
can't wait to see their reaction man~
teehee~~
and recently life's been filled with some stuff.
and soon i'd go get myself contacts and pierce my ears.
hmmm, that'd be my birthday present to myself this year. haha!
wonders what it's gonna be like! hope the piercing doesnt hurt,
and hope the contacts wun be a hassle!
2010 ain't exactly a perfect year, but it's definitely good, to have both nice and not so nice stuff,
it makes us cherish what we have more, doesn't it? =)
okay, update again soon. hahas.
JA~
Thanks so much to Ming Ming Jie, Ming Yueh Jie, Yi Lin Jie and Daniel for the bag and early wishes.
i feel really guilty now cox the bag's ex..
><
really thanks alot~
i dunno how to express how i feel, but really really thanks so much.
and i really like that bag! cox it's red! =D
hmmm, that said, may will be a month full of surprises,
i'd be surprising ppl that is! heeheehee~ xD
can't wait to see their reaction man~
teehee~~
and recently life's been filled with some stuff.
and soon i'd go get myself contacts and pierce my ears.
hmmm, that'd be my birthday present to myself this year. haha!
wonders what it's gonna be like! hope the piercing doesnt hurt,
and hope the contacts wun be a hassle!
2010 ain't exactly a perfect year, but it's definitely good, to have both nice and not so nice stuff,
it makes us cherish what we have more, doesn't it? =)
okay, update again soon. hahas.
JA~
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