something has to be wrong every single day since dunno when.
why are things this way?
it must be something to do with me
now i'm beginning to wonder whether the root of all these problems actually began with me.
this isn't called self-blaming.
if you think carefully, what i'm saying is true.
maybe i bit off more than i could chew.
maybe it's just not meant to be.

what really shocked me is how SJ makes you all feel now.
even if you didn't say so, it feels like SJ is something shameful that you dun want to be linked to.
it's like SJ is the sole thing that destroys your life.
low morale,
frankly speaking, i've got nothing on my hands now to deal with this problem.
i've got nothing i know that can boost morale.

i guess i have been selfish.
taking up everything available,
thinking that i'm actually helping seniors, squadmates, juniors to be worry-free.
in actual fact i'm the sole person preventing them from coming back,
right?
SJ is no one-man show.
it never was, it never is, it never will be.
this is a grave mistake i've made
is there any solutions to clear up the mess now?
i wonder.

quitting is not an option, it never is.
but what should i do?
dying doesn't help too.
pushing or encouraging people, i wonder if it works.
i dunno what to do now, seriously.
i need to think, but i think i might just bang my head on the wall.
how much more can i do?
how much longer can i last?
WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO SO THAT GESS SJAB CAN IMPROVE?
i dun freaking know.
but i shall find the answer now,
despite seeing no direction.