哪个比较痛？


a random thought just suddenly struck me.
is it more painful to know then to not contact, or to never have contacted before?
one example is ANCO.
meeting and knowing many people. especially the younger ones and my two cute mother hens.
hahas.
at the end of ANCO camp on 13th June 2010, would it be really painful?
i think, there might be a chance that yours truly might just cry.
partially cox my first born platoon passed ANCO and become leaders who will take over the reins.
but i think one small part of me would be crying because ANCO came to an end.
this year, there seems to be not much time.
i think that the possibility of everyone having an outing together is rather low,
especially with the sec 4s busy with their O levels,
committee wise, the working ones will probably be busy. then Poh Wei will have A levels, Ai Suan Sok Ting will start school and have exams. i myself will have exams too. Jia Hong Kah Meng will be in NS.
somehow, come to think of it, ANCO might just end there and then on 13th June.
or just maybe one last meeting.
thinking of it like that, i feel like crying right now.
it's just, kinda really sad.
though some of us may not be very close,
we may not have a lot to talk about,
but the first time as a committee member, going through the process from start to end,
it's an experience.
really hope that the bond will continue,
we can be friends, not just acquaintances.
i hope that we will see one another more during zone stuff.
i hope that we can take photos together during ZPN and other zone activities.
i hope that we would randomly ask one another out for dinner or outings.
i hope that we can bond and go for outings often, similar to what last year's committee had.
i hope to see this year Sec 4s become Officers or adult members who'd come back after they graduated.
but, sad to say, this is only what i hope for,
it's the ideal.
real life doesn't work that way.
天下无不散之筵席.
but there's just one thing i really hope for,
that when we see each other on the street,
we would go "eh hi"
and maybe have quite alot of things to talk about.

actually, i wondered why i suddenly thought of all these.
this doesn't only apply to ANCO 2010 though.
hahas,
maybe it's my PMS~
or maybe the song that i keep repeating right now.
Sunao ni Narenakute by Sayuri Sugawara.
rough translation means "it's hard to say i love you"
but my idea of this phrase is more like "it's hard to be honest about how you feel"
it's just like everyone of us here.
it's hard to be honest.
we hide our feelings with smiles, laughter, jokes, etc.
but one weird thing is,
all these things used to mask our real feelings,
seemingly would make everyone feel better,
feel less sad about sth when sth sad occurs.
that kinda thing.
haha.
maybe, afterall, i won't cry.
actually no use saying so much now.
will i cry or not, depends on that day itself.
but hopefully, i can leave something for my first born platoon to remember.
both physcially and in the form of something they learned.
i really want to do that for them.
because they are my first born.
just like how intake 07 is my first born batch of NCOs whom i worked with as an officer.
the kinda feeling to leave something for them is that great.
haha.

okay, nuff said.
good thing that nobody visits my blog.
thus i can freely and safely write down all these feelings,
yet continue smiling on.
=)

JA~