i seriously dun understand you, jie.
why the hell you would think of moving out.
have you thought about the complications?
how would daddy and mummy feel about it all?
can you like fucking use your brain?
yes i know you are tired, you are drained,
are you the only one?
every single day daddy and mummy has to think of livelihood, the family etc,
and right here you are like saying that nobody understands you,
nobody cares, everyone is blaming you?
who told me about self-pitying?
why are you pitying yourself? you're seriously unreasonable,
fucking unreasonable.
just cox of scoldings, just cox of how stressed you are, just cox of this moment right now,
you are thinking about getting out of this house.
you seriously are not using your brains.
what's gonna happen to your livelihood?
how is everyone in this family gonna feel?
you're so fucking selfish you dun even think of us,
you think it's nice to see family members move out of the house just like that?
how would mummy feel? she would be worrying the whole damn day,
she will eventually relapse one day cox of this.
then dandan leh? how would he feel?
why he sisters left the house?
daddy? he will be affected but not show, then get upset all by himself
then daddy and mummy will both be at least 50, what happens if dandan turn rebellious?
and use your fucking brain and think, how many out there wants to live with their parents but are forced apart? some by life and death some physically.
you get to live with your parents are you are thinking of moving out?
wth man, seriously wth,
it really makes me damn angry when i know you are entertaining that thought,
and to know your reason for thinking of such things makes me even more angry.
seriously, use your brains and think about this matter,
and for the matter, you have brains thanks to daddy and mummy.
i hope you would STOP entertaining such thoughts.
seriously.
11/27/10
11/22/10
too much
from now onwards, i won't ask anything anymore,
since the more i ask, the more irritated all of you get.
i shall now make myself not care so much anymore.
cox i'm too much, ain't i?
and because i am too much,
nobody ever wants to tell me anything anymore.
and since that is the case, fine, so be it,
i should just shut up and not ask questions.
and keep my questions to myself.
i am selfish, i am too much, i asked what people dun wanna talk about.
yeah, that is me, overbearing,
pusing beyond limits, dun even know where i stand,
ask to much till i'm not even on talking terms with my twinnie.
yeah, everything is me alright, i should shut up.
i won't ask anymore. and you wun tell me anything anymore.
and also cox i don't matter anymore.
or rather you don't care anymore.
nobody does anyway.
when i was on the edge of the cliff, none of you realised that,
none of you bothered. yeah, you're busy, that's the case.
maybe i just don't belong.
because of how overbearing and too much i am.
it's always been like that, i am always disliked.
i will still survive and live another day, just that i'm all by myself.
that's all.
since the more i ask, the more irritated all of you get.
i shall now make myself not care so much anymore.
cox i'm too much, ain't i?
and because i am too much,
nobody ever wants to tell me anything anymore.
and since that is the case, fine, so be it,
i should just shut up and not ask questions.
and keep my questions to myself.
i am selfish, i am too much, i asked what people dun wanna talk about.
yeah, that is me, overbearing,
pusing beyond limits, dun even know where i stand,
ask to much till i'm not even on talking terms with my twinnie.
yeah, everything is me alright, i should shut up.
i won't ask anymore. and you wun tell me anything anymore.
and also cox i don't matter anymore.
or rather you don't care anymore.
nobody does anyway.
when i was on the edge of the cliff, none of you realised that,
none of you bothered. yeah, you're busy, that's the case.
maybe i just don't belong.
because of how overbearing and too much i am.
it's always been like that, i am always disliked.
i will still survive and live another day, just that i'm all by myself.
that's all.
11/8/10
thank you!
been long since i last updated.
been lazy, been letting go, been forgetting.
taught many many courses during my holidays.
school finally started. schoolwork, schoollife, going to school everyday.
life's back on a routine.
stuff started piling up,
and then bad things happened.
unhappy things, specifically speaking.
SJ side, frictions between two sides,
wonders how things will go from now on.
hopefully things can be ironed out.
and that things will be better planned and smoother for next year.
and hope to get them to attend ZPN or something like that.
afterall miss hoe is retiring and she's been with the corps for quite long.
speaking of ZPN, i'm now really thankful that i'm not in the committee,
i would definitely break if i'm in.
ZGD. i guessed i've been too slack from the beginning.
though i guess everything's easy to settle now,
as long as i churn out all the documents that were supposed to be settled by the 10 kids,
the event will go on.
but suddenly, well, i know i shouldn't been feeling this way,
but i felt abandoned,
abandoned by the committee that was initially gathered for ZGD.
not their fault though, afterall they will have exams and stuff during ZGD.
but suddenly, like everyone's gone.
and the things that the 10 kids sent me isn't helping at all.
though not to the extent of redoing everything,
i think i need to format every document they send me,
which isn't very little,
but i think i should be able to do it.
finance side,
i dun even know how or where to begin from.
it's kinda frustrating.
and then all the corps,
not everything is in yet.
how how?
think i will have to haunt the corps reps.
if i can tide through this period of time,
i think i will definitely become stronger.
but what if i couldn't?
nah, i think i can, or rather, i dun have any other choices other than to make it happen.
just carry on, push on, hang on
i can overcome it, i will overcome it.
now on to today's title.
i am thankful for many things.
thankful for family time that's rather prominent recently.
it's nice to hang out as a family more frequently.
though all that we do is have meals and stuff,
that's more than enough for me already.
i am also thankful for just a sentence from Siew Huai.
thankful to her for saying "send it to me when you're free"
she's probably the only one who said that to me,
when everyone else is probably asking when am i sending,
why am i not sending yet,
why is it not sent yet,
or even just keeping silent and getting angry on their own.
it's small things like that that makes a difference.
just one sentence makes me feel that i am understood and sayang-ed
it's as good as patting me on my head and telling me it's okay.
thank you Siew Huai! =)
i won't be lazy, i won't feel tired, i won't break under all these,
because i can do it.
that's all for now, till i update again. haha.
JA~
been lazy, been letting go, been forgetting.
taught many many courses during my holidays.
school finally started. schoolwork, schoollife, going to school everyday.
life's back on a routine.
stuff started piling up,
and then bad things happened.
unhappy things, specifically speaking.
SJ side, frictions between two sides,
wonders how things will go from now on.
hopefully things can be ironed out.
and that things will be better planned and smoother for next year.
and hope to get them to attend ZPN or something like that.
afterall miss hoe is retiring and she's been with the corps for quite long.
speaking of ZPN, i'm now really thankful that i'm not in the committee,
i would definitely break if i'm in.
ZGD. i guessed i've been too slack from the beginning.
though i guess everything's easy to settle now,
as long as i churn out all the documents that were supposed to be settled by the 10 kids,
the event will go on.
but suddenly, well, i know i shouldn't been feeling this way,
but i felt abandoned,
abandoned by the committee that was initially gathered for ZGD.
not their fault though, afterall they will have exams and stuff during ZGD.
but suddenly, like everyone's gone.
and the things that the 10 kids sent me isn't helping at all.
though not to the extent of redoing everything,
i think i need to format every document they send me,
which isn't very little,
but i think i should be able to do it.
finance side,
i dun even know how or where to begin from.
it's kinda frustrating.
and then all the corps,
not everything is in yet.
how how?
think i will have to haunt the corps reps.
if i can tide through this period of time,
i think i will definitely become stronger.
but what if i couldn't?
nah, i think i can, or rather, i dun have any other choices other than to make it happen.
just carry on, push on, hang on
i can overcome it, i will overcome it.
now on to today's title.
i am thankful for many things.
thankful for family time that's rather prominent recently.
it's nice to hang out as a family more frequently.
though all that we do is have meals and stuff,
that's more than enough for me already.
i am also thankful for just a sentence from Siew Huai.
thankful to her for saying "send it to me when you're free"
she's probably the only one who said that to me,
when everyone else is probably asking when am i sending,
why am i not sending yet,
why is it not sent yet,
or even just keeping silent and getting angry on their own.
it's small things like that that makes a difference.
just one sentence makes me feel that i am understood and sayang-ed
it's as good as patting me on my head and telling me it's okay.
thank you Siew Huai! =)
i won't be lazy, i won't feel tired, i won't break under all these,
because i can do it.
that's all for now, till i update again. haha.
JA~
10/20/10
anyounghasaeyo~!
anyounghasaeyo!
been some time since my last update.
haha~
actually nothing much going on in my life right now,
weekdays has been used for staying at home, occasionally teaching dandan homework,
weekends are SJ filled,
with heartsaver and CPR+AED or BCLS.
earn money to save up. LOL~
andand i renewed my plan and got a new phone!
there's no lollipop, so got optimus GT540 instead.
a bit wasted, cox the red lollipop phone is really beautiful~
but my titanium silver optimus looks cool too~
so it's alright~ =D
school is reopening soon, real soon, like 5 more days.
hahaha, back to studying,
will work hard from now onwards,
because i have a GOAL!!!!!!
NIE HERE I COME!!!!!
wheeeheehee~ xD
and i love jang geun suk!!!!!!!!
i've always loved him since his hwang jin yi days.
wheeheeheeheehee~
LOLs~
he's just damn cute,
wahahahha
and jang geun suk and park shin hye belong together!!!!!!
even his mom likes her~ haha
okay i'm getting too fangirlish~
kekeke~
alright, i shall go watch WGM and whatever dramas i feel like watching right now,
before school starts and there won't be time for them~
JA~
been some time since my last update.
haha~
actually nothing much going on in my life right now,
weekdays has been used for staying at home, occasionally teaching dandan homework,
weekends are SJ filled,
with heartsaver and CPR+AED or BCLS.
earn money to save up. LOL~
andand i renewed my plan and got a new phone!
there's no lollipop, so got optimus GT540 instead.
a bit wasted, cox the red lollipop phone is really beautiful~
but my titanium silver optimus looks cool too~
so it's alright~ =D
school is reopening soon, real soon, like 5 more days.
hahaha, back to studying,
will work hard from now onwards,
because i have a GOAL!!!!!!
NIE HERE I COME!!!!!
wheeeheehee~ xD
and i love jang geun suk!!!!!!!!
i've always loved him since his hwang jin yi days.
wheeheeheeheehee~
LOLs~
he's just damn cute,
wahahahha
and jang geun suk and park shin hye belong together!!!!!!
even his mom likes her~ haha
okay i'm getting too fangirlish~
kekeke~
alright, i shall go watch WGM and whatever dramas i feel like watching right now,
before school starts and there won't be time for them~
JA~
10/9/10
drown
right now i'm thankful that i didn't learn how to swim,
cox that way, i can drown myself in my stupidness, my contradicting myself etc.
talking to amanda helped me see things clearly.
december, whatever etc won't ever come.
i don't even need to say, you already know.
all that's left to do is to sort out my own stupid thinking,
deal with whatever that's left in me,
and life goes on.
and to begin with,
i didn't even understand you one bit.
i just kept lying to myself that you are like this, like that, etc.
how stupid can i be.
cox that way, i can drown myself in my stupidness, my contradicting myself etc.
talking to amanda helped me see things clearly.
december, whatever etc won't ever come.
i don't even need to say, you already know.
all that's left to do is to sort out my own stupid thinking,
deal with whatever that's left in me,
and life goes on.
and to begin with,
i didn't even understand you one bit.
i just kept lying to myself that you are like this, like that, etc.
how stupid can i be.
mission D : failed.
i failed my mission D.
yes, D for disappearing.
me and my excuses,
thought that if you outrightly post that you're sick,
as a friend at least, i should nag or send sth to you.
sometimes i wonder if disappearing is good also.
it works for deardear,
probably because that person feels the same.
you don't even feel the same.
maybe to you, you even thought that finally i'm not disturbing you.
i dunno.
call it emoing, whatever,
i'm not gonna deny,
but what if our friendship just ends here at 2010?
i don't want that.
i think i'm really a fool, an idiot.
to the extend that i actually posted my blog link on my facebook info.
but i guessed you'll never be interested enough to actually see the link.
you don't even see the door that's already opened up.
end of the day, i suck,
even as a friend.
much less as a twinnie, or even someone who likes you.
2010 is a roller coaster ride, seriously.
yes, D for disappearing.
me and my excuses,
thought that if you outrightly post that you're sick,
as a friend at least, i should nag or send sth to you.
sometimes i wonder if disappearing is good also.
it works for deardear,
probably because that person feels the same.
you don't even feel the same.
maybe to you, you even thought that finally i'm not disturbing you.
i dunno.
call it emoing, whatever,
i'm not gonna deny,
but what if our friendship just ends here at 2010?
i don't want that.
i think i'm really a fool, an idiot.
to the extend that i actually posted my blog link on my facebook info.
but i guessed you'll never be interested enough to actually see the link.
you don't even see the door that's already opened up.
end of the day, i suck,
even as a friend.
much less as a twinnie, or even someone who likes you.
2010 is a roller coaster ride, seriously.
10/4/10
anyoung
right, i'm kinda emoing? i dunno.
rather than emoing, i think it's another type of unknown feeling.
i can't pinpoint, describe or explain how it feels.
been thinking about random thoughts when i couldn't sleep.
thus i'm here to talk about random stories that would only be precious to me.
i suddenly realised, everytime i have a one-sided feeling kinda thing,
i would go through it and come out with something.
memories aside,
the two threeyearsagos left me with something.
what J left me with was what a gentleman he was.
of course, shameless me told him about my crush on him,
and he responded in an adult and gentle manner,
he brought me back down on earth like a hot air balloon,
slowly, softly, gently.
i cried back then, probably one part of me knew my friendship with him was destroyed by me.
but he let me learned something important,
which is not to tell such things that easily again.
because of the price i have to pay for confessing.
K was a different story altogether,
it took me a long time to figure out that i probably have a crush on him back then,
actually it took me 3 years to realise that fully.
looking back, he was a really really nice senior.
somehow was close to him because i was secretary?
he's weird in a way, but yet at the same time can tell that he really doted on us juniors.
and he's really random in a way, because he randomly intro me to places to eat etc.
and random things we did back then was walking around aimlessly,
my knowledge of places probably widen because of him.
he brought me to places i've never gone to before,
despite those places being so nearby me.
we used to sms randomly everyday,
sometimes we call and talk for a few hours? talk about rubbish.
and i found myself agreeing to every single thing he says.
super random.
then somehow we stopped talking altogether,
then became two parallel lines since 2007.
up until this year.
the kinda feeling i got when i saw him again this year was a big big shock.
the moment i opened the door,
*bam* was the kinda feeling i had.
it was super super awkward.
and he's changed to be another person already,
that's on the outside though. but some part of him remained the same,
he's still the same nice senior as last time.
at least that small part of him i guess?
but somehow his exterior hardened.
and he's become a little scary?
but from him i learned a few stuff.
and he was the one who made me my signature.
haha.
and now to you.
i guessed i realised my feelings too early on.
if i didn't realise my feelings so early,
maybe i won't be here thinking about so many things.
maybe i won't behave in such a weird weird manner either.
but someow you made me think that this time round,
it's different from J and K.
it's entirely different.
you made me feel that no matter how you treat me,
no matter how parallel we are,
the moment we meet again, i would still be like your personal assistant
or like some dog, paying attention to all your needs.
i was thinking, maybe the way you were brought up,
you are nice to everyone.
but because you were nice, because you listened to all my rubbish,
because you always let me bully you and because of alot alot of random things,
it's more than a crush to me.
it's not love yet, of course, but it's like.
it's the first time i liked someone enough to actually be there no matter what happened before.
just like now, even though we don't talk anymore,
if there were to be a kbox family outing after your As,
i would pretend as though nothing happened,
pretend that everthing was how it used to be.
i wonder if that would even happen.
i don't emo or cry over you anymore,
at least right now when we are parallel.
but i still look at your profile, i still look at your msn nick update.
i wonder what is going through your mind right now.
i know nothing would come out of this if i confessed.
but i wonder if you knew. and i wonder if i should let you know.
and how you would react upon that.
i know i can be very cool about it, at least in front of you.
but i dunno how you'll feel, whether you'll be burdened by that.
there's alot of thoughts going through me.
but one thing i do hope,
is that i won't end up hating, disliking or avoiding you in the end.
i guess i won't, but i dunno,
maybe it's the parts that i dunno that makes me scared things will end up that way.
i just hope it won't.
if you look carefully around you,
i never left. i may not talk to you,
but when you need to talk you know how you can reach me.
that's the reason why i online every single day for the whole day.
LOL. pathetic, ain't it?
i wonder what's gonna happen the moment i see you again in december.
in detective conan, there was this sentence that says,
if it's someone you really like or love, after not seeing him for a long time
or not contacting him for a long time,
the very moment you see him, your tears will flow uncontrollably.
rather than emoing, i think it's another type of unknown feeling.
i can't pinpoint, describe or explain how it feels.
been thinking about random thoughts when i couldn't sleep.
thus i'm here to talk about random stories that would only be precious to me.
i suddenly realised, everytime i have a one-sided feeling kinda thing,
i would go through it and come out with something.
memories aside,
the two threeyearsagos left me with something.
what J left me with was what a gentleman he was.
of course, shameless me told him about my crush on him,
and he responded in an adult and gentle manner,
he brought me back down on earth like a hot air balloon,
slowly, softly, gently.
i cried back then, probably one part of me knew my friendship with him was destroyed by me.
but he let me learned something important,
which is not to tell such things that easily again.
because of the price i have to pay for confessing.
K was a different story altogether,
it took me a long time to figure out that i probably have a crush on him back then,
actually it took me 3 years to realise that fully.
looking back, he was a really really nice senior.
somehow was close to him because i was secretary?
he's weird in a way, but yet at the same time can tell that he really doted on us juniors.
and he's really random in a way, because he randomly intro me to places to eat etc.
and random things we did back then was walking around aimlessly,
my knowledge of places probably widen because of him.
he brought me to places i've never gone to before,
despite those places being so nearby me.
we used to sms randomly everyday,
sometimes we call and talk for a few hours? talk about rubbish.
and i found myself agreeing to every single thing he says.
super random.
then somehow we stopped talking altogether,
then became two parallel lines since 2007.
up until this year.
the kinda feeling i got when i saw him again this year was a big big shock.
the moment i opened the door,
*bam* was the kinda feeling i had.
it was super super awkward.
and he's changed to be another person already,
that's on the outside though. but some part of him remained the same,
he's still the same nice senior as last time.
at least that small part of him i guess?
but somehow his exterior hardened.
and he's become a little scary?
but from him i learned a few stuff.
and he was the one who made me my signature.
haha.
and now to you.
i guessed i realised my feelings too early on.
if i didn't realise my feelings so early,
maybe i won't be here thinking about so many things.
maybe i won't behave in such a weird weird manner either.
but someow you made me think that this time round,
it's different from J and K.
it's entirely different.
you made me feel that no matter how you treat me,
no matter how parallel we are,
the moment we meet again, i would still be like your personal assistant
or like some dog, paying attention to all your needs.
i was thinking, maybe the way you were brought up,
you are nice to everyone.
but because you were nice, because you listened to all my rubbish,
because you always let me bully you and because of alot alot of random things,
it's more than a crush to me.
it's not love yet, of course, but it's like.
it's the first time i liked someone enough to actually be there no matter what happened before.
just like now, even though we don't talk anymore,
if there were to be a kbox family outing after your As,
i would pretend as though nothing happened,
pretend that everthing was how it used to be.
i wonder if that would even happen.
i don't emo or cry over you anymore,
at least right now when we are parallel.
but i still look at your profile, i still look at your msn nick update.
i wonder what is going through your mind right now.
i know nothing would come out of this if i confessed.
but i wonder if you knew. and i wonder if i should let you know.
and how you would react upon that.
i know i can be very cool about it, at least in front of you.
but i dunno how you'll feel, whether you'll be burdened by that.
there's alot of thoughts going through me.
but one thing i do hope,
is that i won't end up hating, disliking or avoiding you in the end.
i guess i won't, but i dunno,
maybe it's the parts that i dunno that makes me scared things will end up that way.
i just hope it won't.
if you look carefully around you,
i never left. i may not talk to you,
but when you need to talk you know how you can reach me.
that's the reason why i online every single day for the whole day.
LOL. pathetic, ain't it?
i wonder what's gonna happen the moment i see you again in december.
in detective conan, there was this sentence that says,
if it's someone you really like or love, after not seeing him for a long time
or not contacting him for a long time,
the very moment you see him, your tears will flow uncontrollably.
random update!!!
been a while since i last blogged.
let's see, the past week has been filled with settling walkathon and going back to GESS.
finally settled walkathon on zone meeting.
zone meeting was kinda disastrous.
think i talk too much and said stuff that probably offended people.
or maybe sabo-ed people.
i should take note not to talk so much anymore. =/
saturday went over to amanda's house to try to help her with studies,
was more harm than help, and everything is damn screwed.
sorry amanda, wasted your time.
haix.
then as usual, been watching dramas all day long,
i need to start doing something to zone notice board already.
ZC asked me about it on zone meeting, omg. =/
finished watching personal taste.
it's a nice drama~ though the kinda situation,
hmmm, can't really happen in real life? haha,
but watching it helped me get one thing clear,
i shouldn't be imaging you for who i want you to be,
or who i think you are.
i should try to understand you for who you are,
i've been too engrossed in my feelings towards you,
i probably spoiled everything with my own hands.
probably can say that i deserved it all?
since i was the one behaving so weirdly and all.
started watching you're beautiful.
it's a really nice drama with many funny, awww, cute moments.
many heart-warming moments, heart-wrenching moments as well.
haha~
and this drama has loads of nice songs~~~
wheeeeeeeee
i love OSTs!!!!!
halfway through the drama~ continue to cheong cheong from tomorrow onwards!!! =D
oh and recently down with rather bad sore throat.
but i didn't lose my voice completely~~
yay to that!!!!
spam honey lemon and water for quite a few days,
before i was caught by daddy to go see doctor on the day i got my results.
medicine~~ boooo
but i finally finished all the medicine today!! yay!!! hahaha~
hahaha~
i dun want medicine anymore~
and and, recetly, i think my bio clock is screwed.
cox i couldn't sleep till 4plus? almost everyday.
and i can't wake up at 9plus in the morning.
even if i set alarm, i couldn't hear my alarm ring.
=(
i need to adjust it back before the school semester starts~
speaking of the new semester,
i got back my results the other day.
got a shock, i thought i would fail or borderline pass my OPC.
in the end i got a C. not really fantastic, but still better than what i thought i would've gotten.
and overall my results improved a little.
but still long way to go before i can get into NIE.
jiayou jiayou!!!!
and i got my next sem timetable,
wwh sia~ die only. LOL.
but nvm, that shall not deter me from working hard.
gogogo~~~!!!!!
and end of year, there might not be kbox family chalet anymore.
must see how things goes from now. LOL.
nvm, maybe we can have outings or sth?
like a whole day kbox thingy? LOLOL~
let's see about it further down the road?
okay end of my super super random update.
i don't really know what i'm talking about anymore.
LOL~
JA~
let's see, the past week has been filled with settling walkathon and going back to GESS.
finally settled walkathon on zone meeting.
zone meeting was kinda disastrous.
think i talk too much and said stuff that probably offended people.
or maybe sabo-ed people.
i should take note not to talk so much anymore. =/
saturday went over to amanda's house to try to help her with studies,
was more harm than help, and everything is damn screwed.
sorry amanda, wasted your time.
haix.
then as usual, been watching dramas all day long,
i need to start doing something to zone notice board already.
ZC asked me about it on zone meeting, omg. =/
finished watching personal taste.
it's a nice drama~ though the kinda situation,
hmmm, can't really happen in real life? haha,
but watching it helped me get one thing clear,
i shouldn't be imaging you for who i want you to be,
or who i think you are.
i should try to understand you for who you are,
i've been too engrossed in my feelings towards you,
i probably spoiled everything with my own hands.
probably can say that i deserved it all?
since i was the one behaving so weirdly and all.
started watching you're beautiful.
it's a really nice drama with many funny, awww, cute moments.
many heart-warming moments, heart-wrenching moments as well.
haha~
and this drama has loads of nice songs~~~
wheeeeeeeee
i love OSTs!!!!!
halfway through the drama~ continue to cheong cheong from tomorrow onwards!!! =D
oh and recently down with rather bad sore throat.
but i didn't lose my voice completely~~
yay to that!!!!
spam honey lemon and water for quite a few days,
before i was caught by daddy to go see doctor on the day i got my results.
medicine~~ boooo
but i finally finished all the medicine today!! yay!!! hahaha~
hahaha~
i dun want medicine anymore~
and and, recetly, i think my bio clock is screwed.
cox i couldn't sleep till 4plus? almost everyday.
and i can't wake up at 9plus in the morning.
even if i set alarm, i couldn't hear my alarm ring.
=(
i need to adjust it back before the school semester starts~
speaking of the new semester,
i got back my results the other day.
got a shock, i thought i would fail or borderline pass my OPC.
in the end i got a C. not really fantastic, but still better than what i thought i would've gotten.
and overall my results improved a little.
but still long way to go before i can get into NIE.
jiayou jiayou!!!!
and i got my next sem timetable,
wwh sia~ die only. LOL.
but nvm, that shall not deter me from working hard.
gogogo~~~!!!!!
and end of year, there might not be kbox family chalet anymore.
must see how things goes from now. LOL.
nvm, maybe we can have outings or sth?
like a whole day kbox thingy? LOLOL~
let's see about it further down the road?
okay end of my super super random update.
i don't really know what i'm talking about anymore.
LOL~
JA~
9/26/10
future
been thinking about my future,
am i gonna go uni, or go NIE, or go out to work in logistics field?
actually i am rather tempted to pursue my childhood dream,
which is to be a teacher,
to be able to do that, i would need to work really really really hard for my GPA.
to get at least 3.0, so that i can apply for NIE admission.
to be a chinese teacher, to teach people the chinese language,
like how i learned my chinese myself.
i think that would be great.
so with that, my thoughts came to a conclusion,
i want to be a teacher,
and thus the coming semesters, i will work really hard,
so that i can live that dream.
jiayoujiayou~!!!! =)
am i gonna go uni, or go NIE, or go out to work in logistics field?
actually i am rather tempted to pursue my childhood dream,
which is to be a teacher,
to be able to do that, i would need to work really really really hard for my GPA.
to get at least 3.0, so that i can apply for NIE admission.
to be a chinese teacher, to teach people the chinese language,
like how i learned my chinese myself.
i think that would be great.
so with that, my thoughts came to a conclusion,
i want to be a teacher,
and thus the coming semesters, i will work really hard,
so that i can live that dream.
jiayoujiayou~!!!! =)
9/24/10
update
hahaha, random update~
recently. nothing much,
went to one heart,
went to YOG universal studios thingy,
gonna go teach heartsaver in HQ tmr morning,
hopefully can get the money from the other time, hehe~
then october is coming,
this is so fast, the kids are gonna have their N levels, O levels soon,
all the best kiddos~
then A levels comes, all the best people~
especially AAB. hahaha, but AAB, you won't even see this,
october i'm gonna go do up the zone notice board,
go universal studios with YOG people again, haha~
then gonna teach alot alot alot of courses on weekends,
and continue watching more dramas~!
hahaha
speaking of dramas, so far, i've completed
liar game both seasons, itazura na kiss anime, playful kiss till ep 8 which is the latest.
in the progress for sunao ni narenakute, joker, personal taste.
gonna start watching more and more, hahas
and i wanna watch movies also!
darling is a foreigner! villion's wife!
both japanese film~
and i want to exercise~~~~
oh and something i bet everyone can't believe,
just by staying at home all day for the past few days
i think i'm falling sick.
like i start getting sore throat already,
and it feels like the lose voice totally kind,
i've already had that twice, please spare me a third time. =/
and this week, haha, something feels strange,
i begin seeing that things are becoming more and more impossible,
i've come to terms with things so much so that i've stopped crying already.
but sometimes after climbing to bed at 2plus am,
i won't fall asleep till maybe 4plus 5?
i wun know when i sleep. cox i think i drift to sleep.
but the last time i check my phone for timing, it'll be about 4plus, close to 5.
i wonder if that's what people say, missing?
am i missing? i dunno.
i'm like waiting for a train that probably wun ever arrive.
you know and i know, i won't go around
"omg i can't forget, i can't let go"
i will probably cry after letting you know,
i will probably be upset, i will probably whine alot,
but it'll be a burden off me, i guess?
cox at least i get to say by then,
and you know i'll be a strong girl and tell you "see you in the next zone event" kinda thing.
i'm just hoping we'll remain friends after i tell you,
and i can still bully you.
cox in the end, it's kinda obvious there wasn't anything between us,
it's just simply one-sided, from the start to the end,
my one-sided feelings.
study hard alright?
live your dreams, carry out the plans you have for your life.
you can do it, cox you are you. =)
recently. nothing much,
went to one heart,
went to YOG universal studios thingy,
gonna go teach heartsaver in HQ tmr morning,
hopefully can get the money from the other time, hehe~
then october is coming,
this is so fast, the kids are gonna have their N levels, O levels soon,
all the best kiddos~
then A levels comes, all the best people~
especially AAB. hahaha, but AAB, you won't even see this,
october i'm gonna go do up the zone notice board,
go universal studios with YOG people again, haha~
then gonna teach alot alot alot of courses on weekends,
and continue watching more dramas~!
hahaha
speaking of dramas, so far, i've completed
liar game both seasons, itazura na kiss anime, playful kiss till ep 8 which is the latest.
in the progress for sunao ni narenakute, joker, personal taste.
gonna start watching more and more, hahas
and i wanna watch movies also!
darling is a foreigner! villion's wife!
both japanese film~
and i want to exercise~~~~
oh and something i bet everyone can't believe,
just by staying at home all day for the past few days
i think i'm falling sick.
like i start getting sore throat already,
and it feels like the lose voice totally kind,
i've already had that twice, please spare me a third time. =/
and this week, haha, something feels strange,
i begin seeing that things are becoming more and more impossible,
i've come to terms with things so much so that i've stopped crying already.
but sometimes after climbing to bed at 2plus am,
i won't fall asleep till maybe 4plus 5?
i wun know when i sleep. cox i think i drift to sleep.
but the last time i check my phone for timing, it'll be about 4plus, close to 5.
i wonder if that's what people say, missing?
am i missing? i dunno.
i'm like waiting for a train that probably wun ever arrive.
you know and i know, i won't go around
"omg i can't forget, i can't let go"
i will probably cry after letting you know,
i will probably be upset, i will probably whine alot,
but it'll be a burden off me, i guess?
cox at least i get to say by then,
and you know i'll be a strong girl and tell you "see you in the next zone event" kinda thing.
i'm just hoping we'll remain friends after i tell you,
and i can still bully you.
cox in the end, it's kinda obvious there wasn't anything between us,
it's just simply one-sided, from the start to the end,
my one-sided feelings.
study hard alright?
live your dreams, carry out the plans you have for your life.
you can do it, cox you are you. =)
9/22/10
well,
i think i'm being too wilful,
being too much to everyone.
when i wanted to be there for everyone,
instead it's the other way around, everyone being there for me.
i get the idea,
i wun whine anymore,
i wun be so selfish anymore.
you'll only ever see me smile,
so that nobody has to worry anymore,
nobody has to listen to my rubbish anymore,
that's gonna be what will happen.
i'm sorry for all that has happened.
i just wanna tell you,
さようなら、また会おう、ごめんね、好きだよ
being too much to everyone.
when i wanted to be there for everyone,
instead it's the other way around, everyone being there for me.
i get the idea,
i wun whine anymore,
i wun be so selfish anymore.
you'll only ever see me smile,
so that nobody has to worry anymore,
nobody has to listen to my rubbish anymore,
that's gonna be what will happen.
i'm sorry for all that has happened.
i just wanna tell you,
さようなら、また会おう、ごめんね、好きだよ
kbox family
we're falling apart, aren't we?
what's happening?
we've all started hiding things from one another,
how do i know that?
i guess it's gut feeling, but i just have this feeling that we're doing so.
we stopped sharing problems with one another,
we stopped alot alot of things.
it's not about talking to one another every single day,
i get your worries as well,
i understand that you are doing so to stop everyone else in the family to be upset or affected or worried,
but why is every single one of us doing so?
well, except yours truly who's the sole whiner
we seem to be falling apart,
getting further and further away from being the kbox family we were.
i wonder what's next, like seriously.
what's happening?
we've all started hiding things from one another,
how do i know that?
i guess it's gut feeling, but i just have this feeling that we're doing so.
we stopped sharing problems with one another,
we stopped alot alot of things.
it's not about talking to one another every single day,
i get your worries as well,
i understand that you are doing so to stop everyone else in the family to be upset or affected or worried,
but why is every single one of us doing so?
well, except yours truly who's the sole whiner
we seem to be falling apart,
getting further and further away from being the kbox family we were.
i wonder what's next, like seriously.
9/19/10
the only reason i'm pissed is because, this isn't the first time such a thing happened.
and on top of that, think about it,
how many days has it been since we last talked to each other?
how many days has it been since we last saw each other?
i was really looking forward to tomorrow.
but then this had to happen and i suddenly don't have to mood anymore.
i know where i stand, but why must it be the case that,
everytime you talk to me you sound like you're reprimanding me.
i told you to forget it, cox it doesn't matter,
cox it doesn't matter to you, does it?
i don't expect anything beyond normal friendship,
but as a friend, can you not treat me like that?
i suddenly find that you don't even treat me as a friend at all,
much less twinnie or whatever there is on my part.
i'm not pissed, i'm just affected, upset? i dunno.
you know you simply always have what it takes to defeat me like that,
you always you know.
and on top of that, think about it,
how many days has it been since we last talked to each other?
how many days has it been since we last saw each other?
i was really looking forward to tomorrow.
but then this had to happen and i suddenly don't have to mood anymore.
i know where i stand, but why must it be the case that,
everytime you talk to me you sound like you're reprimanding me.
i told you to forget it, cox it doesn't matter,
cox it doesn't matter to you, does it?
i don't expect anything beyond normal friendship,
but as a friend, can you not treat me like that?
i suddenly find that you don't even treat me as a friend at all,
much less twinnie or whatever there is on my part.
i'm not pissed, i'm just affected, upset? i dunno.
you know you simply always have what it takes to defeat me like that,
you always you know.
9/18/10
wallowing in self pity. HAH.
as the title states,
that's what i'm doing right now,
pretending that everything's a big big deal,
making a big fuss about trival matters.
guess this disappearance,
shall be one for me to tear myself away from those stupid feelings,
so that when we have KBOX family chalet at the end of the year
i can actually joke about my feelings,
i can use it as a weapon to poke fun at you.
everything seems to be USED TO,
everything is turning into past tense,
everything is just gone, like that.
i should've been more self conscious,
tingxin ar tingxin, wake up your bloody idea,
who are you to think that there's gonna be a possibility?
there's never gonna be a chance between us right, sky blue?
it's just gonna be like that, forever,
it's just one-sided shamelessness on my part.
it'd be over, or maybe it's already over.
past tense is what we are now.
what's left for me to do is to rid myself of these feelings.
if only it's that easy.
but i think i should try.
that's what i'm doing right now,
pretending that everything's a big big deal,
making a big fuss about trival matters.
guess this disappearance,
shall be one for me to tear myself away from those stupid feelings,
so that when we have KBOX family chalet at the end of the year
i can actually joke about my feelings,
i can use it as a weapon to poke fun at you.
everything seems to be USED TO,
everything is turning into past tense,
everything is just gone, like that.
i should've been more self conscious,
tingxin ar tingxin, wake up your bloody idea,
who are you to think that there's gonna be a possibility?
there's never gonna be a chance between us right, sky blue?
it's just gonna be like that, forever,
it's just one-sided shamelessness on my part.
it'd be over, or maybe it's already over.
past tense is what we are now.
what's left for me to do is to rid myself of these feelings.
if only it's that easy.
but i think i should try.
9/17/10
is there a need to do this?
is there a need to drive her up the wall?
what's wrong with what she did?
she was just trying to avoid any unhappiness on the happy occasion.
why is there a need to force her?
to say those stuff?
to the extend of making her cry.
seeing her upset, unhappy, does that make all of you happy?
happy already?
it was only yesterday that i felt the simple everyday happiness in my home.
my HOME, not house.
yet today, mummy had to undergo all of these shit
she had to get so upset she's breaking down.
why? why the hell is there a need to insist?
i dun understand,
i seriously dun understand,
all i know is mummy is suffering, she's upset,
yet there's nothing i can do.
this sucks, really sucks.
is there a need to drive her up the wall?
what's wrong with what she did?
she was just trying to avoid any unhappiness on the happy occasion.
why is there a need to force her?
to say those stuff?
to the extend of making her cry.
seeing her upset, unhappy, does that make all of you happy?
happy already?
it was only yesterday that i felt the simple everyday happiness in my home.
my HOME, not house.
yet today, mummy had to undergo all of these shit
she had to get so upset she's breaking down.
why? why the hell is there a need to insist?
i dun understand,
i seriously dun understand,
all i know is mummy is suffering, she's upset,
yet there's nothing i can do.
this sucks, really sucks.
shiro
i feel really bad now.
because those people who knew,
they're kinda starting to view you in a negative light.
this is so not fair to you.
it's not like you knew,
it's not as if you are aware,
but somehow they're viewing things in a such a way that you're the one at fault.
right now the only thing i can do for you,
the only way i can protect you,
is to pretend that i'm disappearing,
to pretend that i'm getting over,
to pretend that i'm letting go
to pretend that i don't care anymore.
because if i show that i care alot,
if i continue being emo upset etc,
they'll continue thinking that you're a bad person,
when you're actually not.
you're just ignorant and ignorant people would behave in this manner,
because you don't know.
sky blue i hope you're well.
i hope that you won't be misunderstood anymore,
i hope that nothing unfair or unjust would happen to you.
the only thing i can do now is to maybe,
try to move on from this futile feelings that i have.
even though i know it's not gonna be easy,
cox 18 years in my life, this is the first time i feel this way,
haha, it's not a crush mr dear sky blue.
if it is a crush, it would've been way easier to get over,
if it's a crush i wouldn't be knitting for my bear in white wool now.
though that's entirely coincidental.
jie, if you read this, stop thinking that sky blue is bad alright?
cox sky blue is just ignorant, sky blue doesn't know,
that's why sky blue behaves that way,
that's all. =)
because those people who knew,
they're kinda starting to view you in a negative light.
this is so not fair to you.
it's not like you knew,
it's not as if you are aware,
but somehow they're viewing things in a such a way that you're the one at fault.
right now the only thing i can do for you,
the only way i can protect you,
is to pretend that i'm disappearing,
to pretend that i'm getting over,
to pretend that i'm letting go
to pretend that i don't care anymore.
because if i show that i care alot,
if i continue being emo upset etc,
they'll continue thinking that you're a bad person,
when you're actually not.
you're just ignorant and ignorant people would behave in this manner,
because you don't know.
sky blue i hope you're well.
i hope that you won't be misunderstood anymore,
i hope that nothing unfair or unjust would happen to you.
the only thing i can do now is to maybe,
try to move on from this futile feelings that i have.
even though i know it's not gonna be easy,
cox 18 years in my life, this is the first time i feel this way,
haha, it's not a crush mr dear sky blue.
if it is a crush, it would've been way easier to get over,
if it's a crush i wouldn't be knitting for my bear in white wool now.
though that's entirely coincidental.
jie, if you read this, stop thinking that sky blue is bad alright?
cox sky blue is just ignorant, sky blue doesn't know,
that's why sky blue behaves that way,
that's all. =)
9/15/10
OT5
i wonder how things went,
i understand how hurt you will be feeling after that day.
i seriously don't get it why there's a need to compare.
i would tell you all, just not during exams, right?
hopefully hime managed to talk to you about it
reading back my own blog posts got me missing my secondary school days.
maybe as what you said,
you and i always don't click,
we are always quarreling,
we are always having differing opinions.
maybe it's in my character,
maybe it's something else,
but trust me, i've never treated you all as less than anyone else.
i've said it before and i'll say it again,
OT5 is my 大切な友達
特別の存在です
therefore, i hope you won't compare you all with others.
to me, friends are people, people i treasure,
friends are not things,
there's no need to compare,
cox friends are unique individuals,
you are all you, specially you on this world.
there's no one out there who's exactly like you,
thus, don't compare.
that's all i've got to say,
i just hope you're not too upset or affected by this matter.
do take care of yourself alright, Ojou.
i understand how hurt you will be feeling after that day.
i seriously don't get it why there's a need to compare.
i would tell you all, just not during exams, right?
hopefully hime managed to talk to you about it
reading back my own blog posts got me missing my secondary school days.
maybe as what you said,
you and i always don't click,
we are always quarreling,
we are always having differing opinions.
maybe it's in my character,
maybe it's something else,
but trust me, i've never treated you all as less than anyone else.
i've said it before and i'll say it again,
OT5 is my 大切な友達
特別の存在です
therefore, i hope you won't compare you all with others.
to me, friends are people, people i treasure,
friends are not things,
there's no need to compare,
cox friends are unique individuals,
you are all you, specially you on this world.
there's no one out there who's exactly like you,
thus, don't compare.
that's all i've got to say,
i just hope you're not too upset or affected by this matter.
do take care of yourself alright, Ojou.
9/14/10
changed blog skin!
hahaha,
the noob noob me finally changed my blogskin.
it's now a simple combination of colours~
this blogskin can last forever~
hahaha~
i didn't know changing blogskin was just so simple~
to think i thought i'd lose my stuff and has never dared to change blog skin.
hahaha~
i'm gonna accompany laosan to kkh tomorrow~
she loves me because of that~
awww~ laosan guai~ =D
haven't started on personal taste yet~
gonna start soon~
today was kinda okay,
went to HQ to get cumble bands from derrick sir,
then used the shoewhite to whiten the sash/holder whatever you call it
the thing that ensigns use.
the shoewhite went all over the place
on my shorts too D:
but it was fun washing the floor with the high pressure water~
hehehe~
went over to corps training(the last 1 hour only)
thankfully sir lee was there~
i see hope! wheee~ LOL.
sorry to mei that i didn't wait with you today =X
and tada here i am back home messing with my comp and facebooking
msning and playing games all at the same time.
LOL.
though his her is not the her that i thought,
i know it's another her,
someone i never was, never is and never will be.
let's just wait and see how things goes~
nothing i can do anyways.
the noob noob me finally changed my blogskin.
it's now a simple combination of colours~
this blogskin can last forever~
hahaha~
i didn't know changing blogskin was just so simple~
to think i thought i'd lose my stuff and has never dared to change blog skin.
hahaha~
i'm gonna accompany laosan to kkh tomorrow~
she loves me because of that~
awww~ laosan guai~ =D
haven't started on personal taste yet~
gonna start soon~
today was kinda okay,
went to HQ to get cumble bands from derrick sir,
then used the shoewhite to whiten the sash/holder whatever you call it
the thing that ensigns use.
the shoewhite went all over the place
on my shorts too D:
but it was fun washing the floor with the high pressure water~
hehehe~
went over to corps training(the last 1 hour only)
thankfully sir lee was there~
i see hope! wheee~ LOL.
sorry to mei that i didn't wait with you today =X
and tada here i am back home messing with my comp and facebooking
msning and playing games all at the same time.
LOL.
though his her is not the her that i thought,
i know it's another her,
someone i never was, never is and never will be.
let's just wait and see how things goes~
nothing i can do anyways.
9/13/10
updates!
yayyyyyyyyyyy holidays are here~~
whoohoo~
been drama-ing non-stop~
finished the 2 series of liar game,
liar game is a must watch,
interesting, learn how to manipulate human's mindset.
hahaha~ kidding la~
watched playful kiss~ only 4 episodes up. D:
but it's really funny~ hahaha~ look forward to the next episode! xD
starting on personal taste soon~
personal taste seems interesting!
everyone's like watching it! haha~
and then jie watch till she keep laughing and laughing and laughing
hehe, look forward to watching it.
and recently what have i done....
i met up with lester sokting and amanda,
they study i watch videos! wheeeeeeee
hahaha,
yeahyeah amanda is becoming a studious bookworm~
she's starting to mug like jacelyn~
that's good, really good.
buck up alright, amanda?
you should aim higher, aim for better results!
you can do it laosan! jiayou jiayou! =D
and hmmm, orh!
on the last paper day, we had MDES' mid-autumn event!
was supposed to be medic, in the end become cook and drink maker also!
hahaha~ damn tiring~~~
but then it was really fun, really really fun~
microwave+toast hotdogs anyone? =D
but we wasted alotalot of food
saddded =(
and seemingly, sky blue's gonna wait for her, till army somemore.
haha, somehow i sound sad eh?
i'm sad, not over this fact,
i'm sad because sky blue chose to ignore me.
well, what do i expect,
i already told myself, maybe sky blue even disliked/hated me,
just that to maintain civil or sth, sky blue didn't say.
it's alright, i understand,
i get the idea, it's alright.
maybe mouse saw this coming, that's why she wanted me to disappear,
so that i wouldn't see this so prominently
so that i would think it's me who's ignoring sky blue,
instead of the truth which is the other way round.
maybe you just couldn't be bothered anymore,
maybe you dun care anymore.
maybe i should just stop trying, i should just disappear
stop trying to talk to you, stop everything.
yayyyyyyyyyyy holidays are here~~
whoohoo~
been drama-ing non-stop~
finished the 2 series of liar game,
liar game is a must watch,
interesting, learn how to manipulate human's mindset.
hahaha~ kidding la~
watched playful kiss~ only 4 episodes up. D:
but it's really funny~ hahaha~ look forward to the next episode! xD
starting on personal taste soon~
personal taste seems interesting!
everyone's like watching it! haha~
and then jie watch till she keep laughing and laughing and laughing
hehe, look forward to watching it.
and recently what have i done....
i met up with lester sokting and amanda,
they study i watch videos! wheeeeeeee
hahaha,
yeahyeah amanda is becoming a studious bookworm~
she's starting to mug like jacelyn~
that's good, really good.
buck up alright, amanda?
you should aim higher, aim for better results!
you can do it laosan! jiayou jiayou! =D
and hmmm, orh!
on the last paper day, we had MDES' mid-autumn event!
was supposed to be medic, in the end become cook and drink maker also!
hahaha~ damn tiring~~~
but then it was really fun, really really fun~
microwave+toast hotdogs anyone? =D
but we wasted alotalot of food
saddded =(
and seemingly, sky blue's gonna wait for her, till army somemore.
haha, somehow i sound sad eh?
i'm sad, not over this fact,
i'm sad because sky blue chose to ignore me.
well, what do i expect,
i already told myself, maybe sky blue even disliked/hated me,
just that to maintain civil or sth, sky blue didn't say.
it's alright, i understand,
i get the idea, it's alright.
maybe mouse saw this coming, that's why she wanted me to disappear,
so that i wouldn't see this so prominently
so that i would think it's me who's ignoring sky blue,
instead of the truth which is the other way round.
maybe you just couldn't be bothered anymore,
maybe you dun care anymore.
maybe i should just stop trying, i should just disappear
stop trying to talk to you, stop everything.
9/10/10
hmmm, some days have past and i have been trying to disappear.
i wonder if i ever cross your mind, sky blue.
or maybe you're just too busy with studying and dramaing and FBing and everything else.
there's much things happening to people around me, people i know.
my exams are over and i'm on holidays.
things are just gonna get busier and busier for you.
wonder how's it going for you.
not talking to you, not liking facebook status of yours etc,
it's kinda difficult.
maybe because it all used to be very natural, like reflex.
haha, i seriously wonder how much you would remember,
how much of me crossed your mind, as your friend
sky blue i'm tired and i dun feel like disappearing from you anymore,
because i know what mouse said won't really work on you.
me disappearing from your life won't make you take the initiative to contact me right?
you won't contact me,
you won't think of me,
you won't miss the randoms we did as twinnies,
you won't even remember how you use to text and msn me everyday.
cox it doesn't mean all that much to you.
i dun feel like it but i think i'll still carry on,
because you don't have time for me anyways.
i just hope i can say something, sky blue.
but can i? am i allowed to? i don't think so.
i wonder if i ever cross your mind, sky blue.
or maybe you're just too busy with studying and dramaing and FBing and everything else.
there's much things happening to people around me, people i know.
my exams are over and i'm on holidays.
things are just gonna get busier and busier for you.
wonder how's it going for you.
not talking to you, not liking facebook status of yours etc,
it's kinda difficult.
maybe because it all used to be very natural, like reflex.
haha, i seriously wonder how much you would remember,
how much of me crossed your mind, as your friend
sky blue i'm tired and i dun feel like disappearing from you anymore,
because i know what mouse said won't really work on you.
me disappearing from your life won't make you take the initiative to contact me right?
you won't contact me,
you won't think of me,
you won't miss the randoms we did as twinnies,
you won't even remember how you use to text and msn me everyday.
cox it doesn't mean all that much to you.
i dun feel like it but i think i'll still carry on,
because you don't have time for me anyways.
i just hope i can say something, sky blue.
but can i? am i allowed to? i don't think so.
9/6/10
some accumulation of matters,
makes me wonder what does SJ mean to everyone.
to kbox family, what does SJ mean to you?
to 17/09, what does SJ mean to you?
to GESS SJAB, what does SJ mean to you?
to everyone who's in SJ right now, what does SJ mean to you?
what is SJ to all of you?
is it something worthless?
is it of no importance at all?
is it a burden?
is it something irritating?
is it just a CCA?
i wonder, i really wonder.
it makes me so sad when everyone talks about leaving SJ.
it just means so little to you all?
it's really really sad.
because to me, SJ is not just a CCA,
SJ is the love of my life,
SJ is as good as my home,
SJ is somewhere, something that gave me alot of things,
SJ taught me alot of things,
SJ let me meet people i cherish,
SJ made me a matured and changed person,
SJ is where i want to commit for life,
SJ is something i will never let go of,
SJ is something i will protect, forever.
SJ means alot, so much,
it's part of my life already.
remove SJ from my life and you wun see much.
that's how much SJ is in my life.
i'm sad, by the fact that people who matter,
people whom i met and cherish, SJ people,
they are toying with the idea of leaving SJ,
they say they will leave SJ if something that's gotta do with some other parts of their lives happens,
they look back and think that it wasn't worth it to be in SJ.
they think that they've wasted their lives in SJ.
why, why is that so?
just what is SJ to you? all of you?
makes me wonder what does SJ mean to everyone.
to kbox family, what does SJ mean to you?
to 17/09, what does SJ mean to you?
to GESS SJAB, what does SJ mean to you?
to everyone who's in SJ right now, what does SJ mean to you?
what is SJ to all of you?
is it something worthless?
is it of no importance at all?
is it a burden?
is it something irritating?
is it just a CCA?
i wonder, i really wonder.
it makes me so sad when everyone talks about leaving SJ.
it just means so little to you all?
it's really really sad.
because to me, SJ is not just a CCA,
SJ is the love of my life,
SJ is as good as my home,
SJ is somewhere, something that gave me alot of things,
SJ taught me alot of things,
SJ let me meet people i cherish,
SJ made me a matured and changed person,
SJ is where i want to commit for life,
SJ is something i will never let go of,
SJ is something i will protect, forever.
SJ means alot, so much,
it's part of my life already.
remove SJ from my life and you wun see much.
that's how much SJ is in my life.
i'm sad, by the fact that people who matter,
people whom i met and cherish, SJ people,
they are toying with the idea of leaving SJ,
they say they will leave SJ if something that's gotta do with some other parts of their lives happens,
they look back and think that it wasn't worth it to be in SJ.
they think that they've wasted their lives in SJ.
why, why is that so?
just what is SJ to you? all of you?
9/1/10
back on track.
update of my life,
studying studying, SJ stuff, studying.
that's all for these 2 weeks.
until 10th sep.
once 10th sep comes, i'm free!
whoohoo~ holidays are here,
time to manage the corps and gain more white hair.
i want this corps not only to thrive, we have to flourish,
gain back the dominance in school, the aura that we had,
most importantly, the morale towards the corps.
i believe i can do it.
it's time to bring the corps up, no more staying stagnant.
for studies wise,
let's jiayou.
i need more than just a pass.
i need to pull back my GPA.
3.0 is supposed to be the minimum.
let's do it.
and i'm damn broke.
september will be a stay home month,
watch dramas, hang out with my mum, fold stars.
fold stars for what? to fill up the bigbigbigbig jar.
hahaha~
there's suddenly so many drama series that i wanna watch,
oh man!
endure endure~ 10th sep. hehe~
i've been feeling less emo recently,
not because i stopped feeling a certain way,
but because somehow or rather,
i think you care, at least as my twinnie.
you haven't been onlining,
it's a good sign i guess? you're studying.
the only channel of knowing what's happening to you,
is via facebook.
which doesnt have a lot of updates on your life to begin with.
but i know you're fine, or at least i hope so.
but i'm at peace.
of course i do think so much once in a while,
but i won't get sad over it.
let decemeber come.
let's see, ZPN will prolly be the first time i see you after your As.
somehow that makes me look forward to that.
dear twinnie,
before that happens,
be well, stay fine, dun fall sick, dun get upset, dun stress out.
always there bear. =)
that's all.
JA~
update of my life,
studying studying, SJ stuff, studying.
that's all for these 2 weeks.
until 10th sep.
once 10th sep comes, i'm free!
whoohoo~ holidays are here,
time to manage the corps and gain more white hair.
i want this corps not only to thrive, we have to flourish,
gain back the dominance in school, the aura that we had,
most importantly, the morale towards the corps.
i believe i can do it.
it's time to bring the corps up, no more staying stagnant.
for studies wise,
let's jiayou.
i need more than just a pass.
i need to pull back my GPA.
3.0 is supposed to be the minimum.
let's do it.
and i'm damn broke.
september will be a stay home month,
watch dramas, hang out with my mum, fold stars.
fold stars for what? to fill up the bigbigbigbig jar.
hahaha~
there's suddenly so many drama series that i wanna watch,
oh man!
endure endure~ 10th sep. hehe~
i've been feeling less emo recently,
not because i stopped feeling a certain way,
but because somehow or rather,
i think you care, at least as my twinnie.
you haven't been onlining,
it's a good sign i guess? you're studying.
the only channel of knowing what's happening to you,
is via facebook.
which doesnt have a lot of updates on your life to begin with.
but i know you're fine, or at least i hope so.
but i'm at peace.
of course i do think so much once in a while,
but i won't get sad over it.
let decemeber come.
let's see, ZPN will prolly be the first time i see you after your As.
somehow that makes me look forward to that.
dear twinnie,
before that happens,
be well, stay fine, dun fall sick, dun get upset, dun stress out.
always there bear. =)
that's all.
JA~
8/31/10
8/29/10
updates!!!!
okay i was trying to update yesterday but somehow i was too lazy to even watch liar game,
so ya, i'm back here today~
erm, my life has been, well, like that lor.
feels damn zai that we had YOG training everyday since last sunday.
went to YCK stadium to watch AGI rehearsals last sunday
bought tonns of sweets and chocs and biscuits and rubbish for the kids
and also for meimei lester and deardear~
hope you all liked all the stuff!!! =D
went to YOG training afterwards,
then the following days were all sleeping till rather late timing followed by YOG training.
i'm starting to really miss those training days,
when we would whine and complain and talk alot of rubbish
yet still attend every single training.
hehe~
and oh did i mention, china decided to change the anthem to the 40+ seconds one,
one day before the closing,
so we trained on the night before closing,
when warrant sanep actually didn't want us to.
in the end,
admist all the changes and everyone getting stressed and stuff,
we managed to do a perfect job only on the actual one!!!!!
phew~~~ damn cool~
kudos to flag raisers benedict and twinnie!
had random fun after the end of closing ceremony~
then cabbed home on my own,
tired to the point that i bathed and slept immediately..
hope the end of YOG isn't the end of the YOG flag party~~~
let's still meetup kay?
meanwhile jiayous to the poly kids who're having exams,
and all the best to JC kids for promos and A levels! =)
after YOG it really seems like there's too much time.
friday was spent meeting with lester and deardear at HQ~
then went home
saturday was spent teaching heartsaver for one whole day,
then had dinner with double As, laosan, huiying deardear and lester~
tiong bahru market, somewhere i haven't been to for a long while.
i ate too much i think, wayyyyyyy too much~~~
time to exercise, after my exams though~ haha~
oh and!!!! amelia's sister is an officer.
and it took me half a day to realise. how stupid can i be.
she's damn nice~ and we are rather much tuned to a similar frequency~~
hehe~
had fun teaching heartsaver with her~~ =D
more of such life support courses to come, i believe?
hmmm, today was spent sleeping till afternoon,
and staying at home slacking facebooking watching dramas and attempting to study.
this sucks.
i need to buck up so that i can score well.
cox i promised deardear and i want to reach that level as well,
and also cox twinnie says "3.0 is too low already"
wahhhhhhhhh
feels damn challenged. LOL~
but i shall do it! i will do it!!! =D
suddenly i feel like telling you everything,
just simply everything,
i dunno why i feel like we're like heading towards being strangers.
i know i shouldn't and i know i dun have the guts to tell you before your A levels are over.
i'm just contradicting myself and wallowing in self-pity,
thinking that oh, i'm very emo cox we're not talking etc.
i care too much for myself,
i feel disgusted with myself about it.
that's why i am trying my best to stop myself from talking to them about you.
cox there's no point. in the end the conclusion i get is still the same.
but i'm being so paranoid and irritating
i'm flinching at the very small slightest things.
things like us not talking
things like there's no more oyasuminasai, it's always a goodnight now,
things like you changing your facebook profile pic
things like i dun even know what's going on in your life now,
things like how i can guess that you are still talking on msn with other people, just not me,
things like how i think that end of YOG makes you happy cox you'll be rid of me
things like how i think i'm really irritating,
things like how if yingying didn't like that wall post you wun even bother.
i'm just the one making myself feel horrible
it's got nothing to do with others, nothing to do with you either,
it's just me, i'm so irritating and disgusting.
maybe deep inside one corner of my heart,
i hope that i can tell you. tell you asap,
but then that's really not possible right now,
so ya, end of the day, i just ran one round again,
one full circle and arrive at the same old conclusion,
i should shut my trap and continue like that.
simple as that.
okay i was trying to update yesterday but somehow i was too lazy to even watch liar game,
so ya, i'm back here today~
erm, my life has been, well, like that lor.
feels damn zai that we had YOG training everyday since last sunday.
went to YCK stadium to watch AGI rehearsals last sunday
bought tonns of sweets and chocs and biscuits and rubbish for the kids
and also for meimei lester and deardear~
hope you all liked all the stuff!!! =D
went to YOG training afterwards,
then the following days were all sleeping till rather late timing followed by YOG training.
i'm starting to really miss those training days,
when we would whine and complain and talk alot of rubbish
yet still attend every single training.
hehe~
and oh did i mention, china decided to change the anthem to the 40+ seconds one,
one day before the closing,
so we trained on the night before closing,
when warrant sanep actually didn't want us to.
in the end,
admist all the changes and everyone getting stressed and stuff,
we managed to do a perfect job only on the actual one!!!!!
phew~~~ damn cool~
kudos to flag raisers benedict and twinnie!
had random fun after the end of closing ceremony~
then cabbed home on my own,
tired to the point that i bathed and slept immediately..
hope the end of YOG isn't the end of the YOG flag party~~~
let's still meetup kay?
meanwhile jiayous to the poly kids who're having exams,
and all the best to JC kids for promos and A levels! =)
after YOG it really seems like there's too much time.
friday was spent meeting with lester and deardear at HQ~
then went home
saturday was spent teaching heartsaver for one whole day,
then had dinner with double As, laosan, huiying deardear and lester~
tiong bahru market, somewhere i haven't been to for a long while.
i ate too much i think, wayyyyyyy too much~~~
time to exercise, after my exams though~ haha~
oh and!!!! amelia's sister is an officer.
and it took me half a day to realise. how stupid can i be.
she's damn nice~ and we are rather much tuned to a similar frequency~~
hehe~
had fun teaching heartsaver with her~~ =D
more of such life support courses to come, i believe?
hmmm, today was spent sleeping till afternoon,
and staying at home slacking facebooking watching dramas and attempting to study.
this sucks.
i need to buck up so that i can score well.
cox i promised deardear and i want to reach that level as well,
and also cox twinnie says "3.0 is too low already"
wahhhhhhhhh
feels damn challenged. LOL~
but i shall do it! i will do it!!! =D
suddenly i feel like telling you everything,
just simply everything,
i dunno why i feel like we're like heading towards being strangers.
i know i shouldn't and i know i dun have the guts to tell you before your A levels are over.
i'm just contradicting myself and wallowing in self-pity,
thinking that oh, i'm very emo cox we're not talking etc.
i care too much for myself,
i feel disgusted with myself about it.
that's why i am trying my best to stop myself from talking to them about you.
cox there's no point. in the end the conclusion i get is still the same.
but i'm being so paranoid and irritating
i'm flinching at the very small slightest things.
things like us not talking
things like there's no more oyasuminasai, it's always a goodnight now,
things like you changing your facebook profile pic
things like i dun even know what's going on in your life now,
things like how i can guess that you are still talking on msn with other people, just not me,
things like how i think that end of YOG makes you happy cox you'll be rid of me
things like how i think i'm really irritating,
things like how if yingying didn't like that wall post you wun even bother.
i'm just the one making myself feel horrible
it's got nothing to do with others, nothing to do with you either,
it's just me, i'm so irritating and disgusting.
maybe deep inside one corner of my heart,
i hope that i can tell you. tell you asap,
but then that's really not possible right now,
so ya, end of the day, i just ran one round again,
one full circle and arrive at the same old conclusion,
i should shut my trap and continue like that.
simple as that.
8/23/10
wordpress. hmmmmmm
reason for the title? well, i was considering having a blog at wordpress.
i would then be able to set passwords for blog posts.
but then again, if i set passwords, why did i write that blog post?
cox if i didn't want ppl to see, i have the diary. that diary to be specific.
so well, not wordpressing anytime soon. hahaha~
maybe that few days of not talking etc,
made things better?
or maybe your problems are slowly being solved?
i dunno.
but today morning, i thought i was still sleeping,
when i saw your msg asking me whether i'm gonna go watch the kids at AGI.
i know you're interested in watching their progress,
but it still made me happy, that you asked whether i was going as well.
well, there was awkward silence here and there.
or rather, strange silence when we dun talk but doesn't feel suffocating.
it feels strange how we used to have many topics to talk about,
every single day, even if we went on outing, or we meet up,
we will end up talking on msn.
and there was this period of time when we keep sms-ing each other.
i wondered where all those topics went to.
haha~
i wonder how long can all these last.
maybe you're just putting up a strong front, till YOG's over?
i really wonder.
folding stars is a bittersweet activity.
the product i get is a nice little star,
but the process is one where my fingertips will feel painful.
it's as bittersweet as my feelings for you.
i really just dun want you to face your problems on your own.
or rather, maybe i'm more selfish, i dun want to not know what's wrong,
i dun want to not know why you're upset.
i want to hear you whine and talk and complain
i want to hear you talk about anything, anyone,
be it random or otherwise,
i just wanna know.
but it's too suffocating that way, isn't it?
well, ultimately, i just wanna let you know,
you may not choose to tell me about alot of things,
but i'll always be there.
even if you treat me as just a backup
it's alright.
at least being a backup means that you will look for me when you have no one to turn to.
that's enough.
i'll always be there, twinnie.
i may not be able to catch you when you fall,
but i'll definitely help you get back up on your feet again after your fall.
26th august 2010.
what's gonna happen after that, who knows.
but every 29th, i'd free myself up and spend some time going to some places that means alot.
like that ice cream shop near the flyer.
why every 29th?
cox i happened to randomly check back on facebook the other day,
and realised that we became twinnies on 29th june.
hahaha.
random right?
alright.
it's 3.17am. my eyes hurts, i need to sleep. haha~
reason for the title? well, i was considering having a blog at wordpress.
i would then be able to set passwords for blog posts.
but then again, if i set passwords, why did i write that blog post?
cox if i didn't want ppl to see, i have the diary. that diary to be specific.
so well, not wordpressing anytime soon. hahaha~
maybe that few days of not talking etc,
made things better?
or maybe your problems are slowly being solved?
i dunno.
but today morning, i thought i was still sleeping,
when i saw your msg asking me whether i'm gonna go watch the kids at AGI.
i know you're interested in watching their progress,
but it still made me happy, that you asked whether i was going as well.
well, there was awkward silence here and there.
or rather, strange silence when we dun talk but doesn't feel suffocating.
it feels strange how we used to have many topics to talk about,
every single day, even if we went on outing, or we meet up,
we will end up talking on msn.
and there was this period of time when we keep sms-ing each other.
i wondered where all those topics went to.
haha~
i wonder how long can all these last.
maybe you're just putting up a strong front, till YOG's over?
i really wonder.
folding stars is a bittersweet activity.
the product i get is a nice little star,
but the process is one where my fingertips will feel painful.
it's as bittersweet as my feelings for you.
i really just dun want you to face your problems on your own.
or rather, maybe i'm more selfish, i dun want to not know what's wrong,
i dun want to not know why you're upset.
i want to hear you whine and talk and complain
i want to hear you talk about anything, anyone,
be it random or otherwise,
i just wanna know.
but it's too suffocating that way, isn't it?
well, ultimately, i just wanna let you know,
you may not choose to tell me about alot of things,
but i'll always be there.
even if you treat me as just a backup
it's alright.
at least being a backup means that you will look for me when you have no one to turn to.
that's enough.
i'll always be there, twinnie.
i may not be able to catch you when you fall,
but i'll definitely help you get back up on your feet again after your fall.
26th august 2010.
what's gonna happen after that, who knows.
but every 29th, i'd free myself up and spend some time going to some places that means alot.
like that ice cream shop near the flyer.
why every 29th?
cox i happened to randomly check back on facebook the other day,
and realised that we became twinnies on 29th june.
hahaha.
random right?
alright.
it's 3.17am. my eyes hurts, i need to sleep. haha~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)