i just realised,
i really do look like a punching bag..
no,
probably blaming bag, venting bag..
well,
i guess i asked for it?
but i didn't expect that right now,
you'd still do that to me,
like when we were kids...
i thought you wouldn't do that anymore,
but you did,
maybe i'm just the unwanted extra daughter and sister..
i still remember you telling me,
"如果你是男的/弟弟就好"
a daughter and a son was the ideal combination for mummy right?
we both knew that too well,
because mummy told us before right?
and,
that's why she cried when she found out she was pregnant with a baby girl,
aka yours truly..
she cried not over joy...
wells,
nevertheless,
yours truly is here,
and already 17 years old,
there are more 17 years out there for me,
i guess? and i hope so..
and to you,
i wouldn't say i'm disappointed or what,
cox i'm in no position to be...
but,
i dunno,
it just feels kinda sad now, to me..
to be hearing everything you said just now...
but, as i said,
i brought it upon myself...
wells,
good luck for your paper tomorrow...
if you ever read this before you go to school...